The Family, Episode 7: It's In the Bag

So Anthony and Rob head off to Disneyworld where they meet up with Rob’s girlfriend and mother and Anthony’s brother and sister. Now… this time we get our FOURTH Michael on the show. Anthony’s brother is also named Michael. So that’s the father, a son, Ed’s brother, and Cousin Mike. Geez. Isn’t that enough? But back at the house is where the real fun is as Uncle Mike and Aunt Donna are walking around the back yard as Dawn Marie talks to Ringo about how close the family can be. Michael says he wants Donna or Ed to win if he’s not in the game and the entire family believes that she only cares about her own interests which even she admits she does. Michael says that people will start to form their own groups when they see the alliances and Donna thinks it’s ridiculous and stupid but Michael disagrees and says it’s really a smart plan. Robert, he thinks, has ruined his chances at getting back into the game with all of his wins and now he’s the bad guy and not Aunt Donna.

“Wait. I’m the bad guy?” she asks.

Oh yeah you are. You earned that one big time.

Dinner time arrives and the entire family gets to dine together again. The dishes are getting incredibly exotic and wild looking. What was that stuff coming off of that dish? It looks like feathers or urchins or something. Dawn Marie refuses to eat it and Melinda berates her for making faces and only taking small bites of the food. Dawn Marie says that if she doesn’t like it, she’s not going to eat it. Why punish herself? She quietly and politely excuses herself from the table to the shock of Andrew and Aunt Donna crows that she’s going to get eliminated next.

That ticks Dawn Marie off. She says she doesn’t need people on her side and her strategy is to be true to herself and trust no one. In fact, later that night when they are in the hot tub it comes up that Uncle Michael is the only person who hasn’t gone before the board and Donna says he might not have to do so. You just can’t put him up because he’s never been before she says. And why not? Where’s the rule in that one? Jill says that she’s rooting for Dawn Marie to pull it out since she’s the only woman left standing and Donna says that a stupid reason to pull for her since now it comes down to who can handle the money better.

Donna, it’s always been about who can handle the money better.

Dawn Marie is on fire though. She’s ready to take on anything and everything that comes in her way. She will do everything the best she can and, for the most part, she can’t get down on herself if she doesn’t win because she’s progressed better than she ever thought. If it does come down to her and Uncle Mike, she’s ready to take him on and see what happens. She’s not afraid of any of them but they had all better watch out. She’s not going down without a fight.

Now we advance to the elimination competition and this one is a doozy. For the record, I was really hoping that the family members would come out wearing sunglasses because it would have been a nice rip off of the Reservoir Dogs movie scene but sadly I was not to have such pleasant visual stimulation. Now, as we’ve seen throughout the night it’s all about Dawn being the last woman standing and going up against three men in the final rounds so really this entire episode has been nothing more than foreshadowing. Or so we think.

This week’s competition involves two main items: a big bean bag, large enough to hold an entire human inside standing up, and something that all families should come equipped with in times of crisis (especially this one) – a straight jacket. The four remaining family members will be suited up in the straight jacket and placed inside the bag. After they have freed themselves from the straight jacket and the bag, they must then run over to their specified red carpet, take a handful of gold coins, and shove them inside the plastic (because it definitely wasn’t glass or crystal) piggy bank. The first person to get all fifty of their coins inside their bank first gets the power to put two people up to the board for elimination.

We get the lovely montage of people being strapped into their straight jackets and I think the person who was strapping in Dawn Marie and putting her hair up to keep it out of the back of the straight jacket was also pulling her hair at the same time (at least by the look on her face that’s what it seemed like). In addition, we get the obligatory mugging that comes from people who are not insane being placed into a straight jacket but in the case of some members of this family, they looked way too comfortable in them. As if… dare I say it… as if this was a regular thing for them?

At the start, Uncle Michael starts jumping up and down in his bag and it took me a while to realize that he’s not trying to get out of his straight jacket that way but rather he’s trying to undo the knots on the bag. Cousins Ed and Mike are both undoing the knot with their teeth and have gotten to the point where they have half of their body out of the bag but not enough to fully escape just yet.

Meanwhile, Dawn Marie just sinks in her bag. Personally, I had no idea what had happened. Maybe she slipped in her bag and landed on her butt or something. Even the family members notice that Dawn has pretty much disappeared from their view. But look! There’s an arm! There’s a head! It’s like the bag is giving birth to a sassy mother and housewife from Staten Island! Come on bag! One deep breath and a hard push. Come on, you can do it!