America's Toughest Jobs, Episode 2: We Got a Big Ol' Convoy…

Previously on America's Toughest Jobs: 13 masochists – er, contestants – set out to try dangerous crab fishing in Alaska. Some took to it more naturally than others, of course. Senta was sent packing.

This time? It's driving 18-wheelers above the Arctic Circle – which should come as no surprise, since the show's creator Thom Beers also gave us Deadliest Catch and Ice Road Truckers. They always say, stick with what you know.

The remaining 12 will be driving the Dalton Highway in Alaska, "500 miles of the most rugged terrain on Earth," according to host Josh Temple, whose puffy jacket kind of makes him look like he should be flashing some bling. "Spectacular … but deadly," says Temple. I thought it was, "They're real and they're spectacular?" Maybe I'm mistaken.

As I'm sure will be a tradition on this show, we get awe-inspiring shots of the snow-covered Alaskan wilderness to introduce us to the location. We get some stats about trucking – it's a big part of the economy, we'll leave it at that. It's also responsible for a lot of fatalities. I will admit right now that I may not be the most sympathetic person, since semi-trucks seem to have a habit of trying to run me off the road. But I'll put that behind me for now.

Our jobsters will start out in Fairbanks, and run through a basic trucking course (well, the editing runs through it, anyway) before they actually get in the big rigs. Everything's harder in a huge truck, we're told, and there are 10 gears which must be double-clutched to shift – once for getting it out of gear, once for putting it into gear. They also have to match the speed of the engine to the gear they're shifting into, and if they don't, there's hell to pay. It's times like these I'm glad I drive an automatic.

Chris, our New Yawker investment broker, tells us driving one of these trucks isn't as easy as he thought. Perhaps the name of the show should have given you a clue, buddy.

Josh greets the jobsters by asking them if they're ready to cheat death. Didn't your momma ever tell you it's not nice to cheat, Joshy-boy? Fred Ready, the Director of Alaska Teamsters Training, will be the boss on this task and will judge the jobsters after the challenge is over. Because the contestants only have permits, they are required to always drive with a supervisor, who will be instructing and judging and reporting back to Fred. The worst truckers will make up the bottom four and compete in a timed driving skills test to see who goes home.

The two-day trip will take the jobsters 250 miles to Coldfoot, then another 250 miles to Deadhorse. Such great place names! Josh sends them on their way. The jobsters are randomly assigned two to a truck: Rick and Michaela, Chris and Phil, Eric and Steve, Bryce and Ben, Rie and Amy (the editors play up the "girl power" aspect of this team), and Rommel and Sandy. Rommel says his passengers (Sandy and the instructor) are in safe hands, then rocks the truck violently trying to start the truck, drawing a classic eye-roll from Sandy.

The Dalton Highway was built along the Alaskan Pipeline and is only half-paved, we're told. It also has one of the highest mortality rates of any North American highway. The shots we're shown to introduce us to this monster look much more dangerous than the road our contestants are actually driving, however.

Hey, are we gonna get a Sarah Palin cameo in here somewhere? Stump, stump, stump!

There's a pretty straight shot right out of Fairbanks, which offers one last chance to practice basic driving skills. The contestants are also trying to impress their instructors – driver Chris, a.k.a. Bada-bing, tells his trucker Yoda that he's aiming to make the instructor happy. The instructor, Tim, corrects him: Chris' job is to drive the truck without tearing it up. Don't try to smooth-talk these guys, Bada-bing: Tim seems pretty no-nonsense.

Chris tells us he's a good husband, a good father, a good son, and a good brother. But are you a good truck driver? Because that's what you're being judged on, dude.

He talks some more about challenging himself, being at mid-life, letting a thoroughbred run … blah blah blah. Somebody let the hot air out of this guy, please.

Tim tries to communicate to Chris that he needs to be downshifting on a hill, but it takes our boy a little while to catch on. Phil explains to us that downshifting is really, really hard.

Chris is just having a rough time getting it right, and Tim seems to be getting more and more frustrated. The truck comes to a dead stop, and Tim takes Chris back to basics. Our narrator tells us that if the instructor feels a driver is a danger on the road, he may be removed on the spot. Anyone smell a substitution coming?

Chris holds the clutch down too long trying to find the right gear, and the truck shakes like the Starship Enterprise when it was hit by Romulan photon torpedoes (or something like that – ahem). Tim tells Chris he's got one more shot, and our narrator tells us that if Chris can't get the truck moving, he may be "ejected from the driver's seat." That sounds very, very painful. I think "forced to sit in the back of the cab" would have sounded a lot better, Mr. Beers.

Chris finally gets the thing moving, but now he has to go downhill, which is even more difficult. Brakes alone won't slow a truck heading down a big slope; the real work is done by the engine. Bryce tells us he's thinking safety first, but in the cab, he's slamming the brakes and having some trouble. Instructor Wayne stops Bryce before he burns out the brakes. They make it down the hill successfully, but once at the bottom, Bryce asks why he was downshifting. Ben cracks up. So much for the old saying, "There are no stupid questions."