Road Rules X-treme, Episode 2: Far from Heaven

All right, I've given this show a chance, and now I'm over it. Wait, what's that? How many episodes to go? Ooh boy…

Last week on Road Rules: Two sets of triplets met, one male, one female. After everyone stopped loving each other, they started hating Derrick... but that doesn't matter, because as Jodi put it, they're NEVER going to lose a mission! As long as the gods of foreshadowing don't intervene.

This week: The episode starts with the requisite eye candy, as the Roadies flounce about a beach, dressed in skimpy swimsuits. Mmmm… Patrick. They dive into the water, where Danny gleefully takes off his swim trunks and parades them around for all to see. Derrick watches with discomfort, then later sniffs that it's bad enough that Danny's gay, but he likes to get naked, too! He needs to learn to be "respectful." When it comes to the nudity, I'd have to agree - why assume that anyone would want to see your skinny white ass? I could happily go without seeing any of these people naked. Except for Patrick… mmmm.

Derrick later confides in Kina, who browbeats him for not wanting to sleep near a gay guy. "Are you that uncomfortable with your manhood?" she demands.

Inside the R.V., the Roadies are excited to find their second clue… until they learn that they have to get to the mission site at 9:30 in the morning. "That's too early!" they moan. How are they supposed to party all night if they have to get up before nine? Well you could skip the party for one… oh never mind, these are college kids I'm talking to. Just try to roll on your sides before you pass out.

They get funky in a random Chilean bar and grill, and following Derrick's wise example Danny gets plastered. He giggles idiotically as he tries to kiss Kina, before the liquid poison gets to be too much and he starts puking everywhere. The puking persists even after the Roadies have gotten back to the R.V., making for some lovely visuals. The girls play nurse to Danny, while fretting over what condition he might be in tomorrow for the mission. Derrick, meanwhile, laughs at their concern, saying that if Danny wants to puke, let him puke. "He's not gonna die!" Um, yeah he could die, Derrick - though not before Bunim-Murray flew in the world's best doctors to save him. Wouldn't want his family to sue, after all.

Shortly after, Kina meets Ibis outside the R.V. and rants about how dare Derrick joke about Danny being drunk, because Derrick doesn't know how Danny feels, and if Derrick were drunk, how would he like it?! This is the woman who, when faced with a drunk Derrick last week, called him "an animal without a leash." I don't approve of Derrick's comments, but Kina's self-righteous streak is getting old just as quickly. Meanwhile, Ibis listens with a humoring expression.

The next morning, everyone is in bad shape, and I'm not even going to wonder what jackasses they must be to let themselves get drunk before a mission that, for all we know, could have them piloting a commercial cruise ship. As the Roadies head for the mission, Danny continues to heave into a bucket.

The Mission Managers meet them at the base of a very tall waterfall. They run through the rules - everyone must work together as a team, finish the mission, get the second X-treme key. The mission requires them to work in three synchronized pairs, scaling down the waterfall on ropes. They must leave the very top within six seconds, meet their partner in the middle within six seconds, and get to the bottom within six seconds. As he hears this, Danny worries that his mega hangover could affect his abilities. Could?

The first team is Ibis and Patrick, who scale the waterfall successfully and pronounce the experience "heaven" once you get past the first step. This challenge looks like a baby after the volcano. Maybe the way it works on Road Rules is to give the Roadies the absolute worst mission first, then to gradually ease up on the difficulty, until the final EXTREME mission involves baking cupcakes for Chilean school children. From scratch!

On second thought, my "baby" comment may be premature, because Jodi and Kina are next. As they start their long descent, Kina notes that she turned to see Jodi hanging upside down with water rushing into her face, "choking" on it. Cut to commercials.

Ten minutes later, we're back... Jodi comments on her experience in a confessional, revealing that she does, indeed, survive. Hell, if anything, that water probably did more to sober her up than ten cups of black coffee. Jodi and Kina reach the bottom of the waterfall, exhilarated.

Meanwhile, Danny and Derrick strike up a conversation as they wait their turn. Danny tells Derrick about his family and his boyfriend, then notes in triumphant voiceover, "Me and [Derrick] are bonding, probably for the first time." That's a relief, because it's been, what, two whole days since you've met?

Derrick and Danny scale the waterfall, and their teammates are happy to see them getting along. The mission is complete, everyone does a happy dance, and the Mission Managers give the group its second X-treme key.

Afterward, Derrick and Danny are still on good terms, with Derrick explaining to Danny that he tries to treat each person like they're going to die the next day and, um, I don't think it's as morbid as it sounds. Jodi reveals that Derrick has been apologizing all over the place about his actions, and he has a really good heart, and he wants to be a team player. Of course, Kina brings up that they're likely to never forget Derrick's "episode" and the possibility that it could happen again hangs over their heads. Ray of sunshine, that Kina.

Next week: Patrick and Jodi are falling for each other... the Roadies are standing in a row painted in funny stripes... and Ibis has doubts about completing a mission. I don't about you guys, but I'm really worried!

Kara doesn't care if you agree with her. She considers herself to be a contrarian, which means she's technically not allowed to agree with anyone. You can reach her at kara_wild@dslextreme.com, or visit her website, The Contrarian's Corner.

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