Next Action Star: The Auditions

First, we're "introduced" to Joel Silver (then again, when you've done four Lethal Weapons, three Die Hards, and three Matrix movies with such action luminaries as Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson, and Keanu Reeves, you don't really need much of an introduction). Silver explains, "We're trying to find a great-looking, very talented, aggressive guy and a great-looking, sexy girl" who can prove that they have what it takes to be the Next Action Star. This, according to Silver, is not easy because it takes skill to learn how to shoot a weapon, to do fire work (with real fire), and to learn to drive. On top of all that, one needs to be able to act convincingly and make the audience believe that what's taking place on the movie screen in front of them is really happening.

As if that weren't enough pressure, Silver admits that he likes working with the same people repeatedly and says he hopes he can find some new action stars with whom he can work more than once. Considering that the winner only has two months to train to become an action star, that's a really tall order.

Next, we're introduced to the judges: Casting Director Victoria Burrows is certainly no dumb blonde. Having done the casting for the Lord of the Rings trilogy as well as Castaway, she knows what she's looking for and she's not afraid to cut right to the bone. Bespectacled Casting Director Scot Boland is Burrows' business partner in Burrows/Boland Casting and the hardest to impress, making him the most Cowell-esque judge on the panel. Casting Associate Josh Einsohn is the third judge. Rounding out the panel is the reality TV casting veteran Marki Costello (yes, as in Abbott and Costello - she's his granddaughter) who has previously been responsible for the casting of the Bachelor, Temptation Island, and Meet My Folks.

Now that the concept has been explained and the judges introduced, it's time to move on to the action. Auditioners are judged based on how well they make an entrance, how well they can improvise a given scenario, how well they can act, and their appearance.

Most of the auditioners came busting through the audition room door doing a somersault with imaginary gun in hand - sometimes two guns. At this point they're given a scenario to which they have to react, which shows off their improv skills. More often than not, the auditioners were told that they've just caught their significant other in bed with their best friend. Other scenarios included dancing in a Chippendale-type competition (what this last one has to do with being an action star I'm still trying to figure out), and having to talk someone into putting a gun down that is being held to their best friend's head.

Such was the case for Somere, who burst through the door carrying an imaginary rifle aimed at the judges. When given the gun scenario, she reacted in her Southern twang by asking, "What has this person ever done to you? Nothing. Put the gun down. Point it at me." Marki described her as a cross between Crystal Bernard (the face and voice) and Rene Russo (the red hair), while Victoria said she saw her as more of a "black widow." Scot wasn't too impressed with what he called a "one-note audition" (something he said about a lot of the auditioners), but since it only takes two votes to advance to the next round and "go to Hollywood," Somere was in.

Another Dallas auditioner had the mistaken impression that she was doing the judges a favor instead of the other way around. She wasn't going to be put through the audition ringer, you see. She walked in plain as day and simply said, "take it or leave it," to which Victoria replied half a heartbeat later "We're leaving it." Someone get this girl a ticket on the Clue Bus.

Onto Miami Beach, Florida, where the auditioners there also had their fair share of flubs including some who reacted to the wrong scenario, some who could barely read English (let alone memorize lines or act), and some who demonstrated their mastery of "monkey kung-fu."

Another aspect of the audition process, aside from the improv, is playing a scene to test the auditioner's acting skills. One such auditioner was Santino, a broker trainee from Miami who took a convincing, take-no-prisoners approach to his scene of trying to get a villain to disarm. The judges liked what they saw and got him through to the semi-final round in Hollywood.

Another successful auditioner, Matt T., an investment banker from Miami, could only have been helped by his background since his mother was an actress and his father an athlete. He's given the scenario that he sees the woman of his dreams standing stark naked beside him and responds by ripping off his shirt and desperately trying to get her to cover up with it. When answering the judges' questions, he exuded such determination that he got through to the semi-finals. He even had the unique distinction of trying to get his first lesson from the judges right there, but the judges told him they needed to move on.

Onto Minneapolis, Minnesota where the judges find the rotund Matthew, who looks like he escaped from Weird Al Yankovic's "Fat" music video. Needless to say he doesn't make the cut. In fact, very few people did. Things eventually got so bad that Victoria had to get up and go tell those still waiting to audition that this is serious business and that what the judges have seen so far is just bad comedy masquerading as action. So they had better refocus and bring their A-game when they come in to audition.