Joe Schmo 2, Episode 1: Meet, Greet and Beat Feet!

The first Joe Schmo, which wrapped up its twisted journey in October 2003, was such a hit for Spike TV that it seemed logical for them to try to pull it off one more time. And so we're back with Joe Schmo 2 and it all starts tonight.

This season's premise is a dating show, "Last Chance for Love" - ala Bachelor, Bachelorette et al. Two attractive "suitors" will be offered up as the grand prize for a group of potential mates. The twist, of course, is that all but two are actors and the entire show is loosely scripted for maximum impact. Will it work again? Can anyone interested in participating on one of these shows not have an inkling that just possibly the entire experience is a ruse? We shall soon find out.

Last season's host, Ralph Garman, is back, this time as a blonde, incredibly pretentious Brit complete with goatee and glasses! Rhett Reese returns as producer and the cast is rounded out by Jonathan Torrens (Gerald - The Gotta-Be-Gay-Guy), Kevin Kirkpatrick (Bryce - The Stalker), Gretchen Palmer (Ambrosia - The Bitch), Jessica Makinson (Eleanor - The Weeper), Jonathan Huertas (TJ - The Playah), Steve Mallory (Ernie - The Heir), Jana Speaker (Cammy - The Moron), Valerie Azlynn (Piper - Ms. Right), Tim Herzog (Austin - Mr. Right) and Natasha Leggero (Rita - The Drunk).

It's Day One and the actors are getting their first run-through before our "schmoes," Ingrid Weise and Tim Walsh, arrive. The producer encourages the cast to take it slow, imploring them with the words, "Bread Crumbs." Then it's "on with the show" as Tim and Ingrid arrive, both typically nervous and unsure of what is going on. They meet, shake hands, and kiss. Ingrid has seen some of these reality shows and plans on keeping her "wits" about her. Tim thinks she has a good head on her shoulders. They are going to need more than "wits" to make it through this experience.

Enter the actors. They are also nervous but obviously for an entirely different reason. Tim and Ingrid greet the newcomers, and T.J. (the Playah) tells them that he has to take a "nervous poop." Cammy (the Moron) makes her entrance and Ingrid is a bit put off by her, calling her a "Barbie Doll." Tim, on the other hand, is positively agog! In out first indication of just how dumb Cammy is supposed to be, we find out that she works at a Baskin Robbins. One by one they make their appearances and special care is taken to keep Ingrid from talking to the others. But she will not be quieted and asks one of the "extras" at the end of the line how she managed to get on the show. This woman, who was only brought in for the first elimination, responds by saying that her agent called her yesterday. Whoops. Ingrid's little antennae immediately go up! An agent? I suppose that's possible, and she seems to settle back down, at least for the moment. I get the impression that Ingrid may be a little bit smarter than your average dupe! This could be very interesting.

Our gallant host, Derek Newcastle, makes his grand entrance roaring up the driveway riding in a motorcycle sidecar. There is plenty of pomp and circumstance in advance of his arrival and trumpets flourish as he makes his way to the front of the lineup! He is on, that's for sure! Derek tells them that, for the next few weeks he will be serving as their captain "aboard a ship that is fueled by romance, sailing in search of life's most precious booty - love." Tim is already snickering! How can he not? Derek claims that they have scoured the country looking for one man and one woman who have it all, and they have found two people who are only missing "a significant other to call their own." Ahhh, their lonely days of loneliness could be at an end.

It's time for the arrival of Austin and Piper, the chosen ones. They are brought up the driveway in hand-carried surreys, being toted by topless men in white shorts! This is so over the top! Piper is introduced as a 23-year-old opera singer and jewelry designer who is searching for a precious gem of a man to "place in the setting of her heart." Gag me. Austin is said to be an outstanding athlete and model. He is absolutely perfect! No time to waste...Derek gets right to it. In an incredibly absurd little speech he informs us that it's time for the first eliminations.

"Can anyone smell that?" he asks. "It's the infectious scent of love! However, that bouquet is about to change from the sweet aroma of affection to the foul stench of a break-up." How can these people stand there and not howl? Derek hands Austin and Piper a bag of black balls and they are to give a ball to each of the three people they want to eliminate. Ingrid wonders how they can tell from just looking who should go home. Good question. This girl is razor sharp!

Austin and Piper "look into the eyes of their potential suitors" and begin their eliminations. Ingrid is nervous and in a clip, tells us that she thought it would be humiliating to be eliminated so soon. Of course she doesn't have to worry one little bit. Austin selects three women, all of whom are women of color! Ingrid tells us that she found this very offensive. Piper follows suit. All three of her picks are African-American. Before anyone has a chance to start writing letters of protest to Spike TV, Rhett pops in to tell us that this was intentional and done to parody "real" reality shows where it seems as though the minorities get the boot early on. Okay, I get it!