Who Wants to Marry My Dad 2, Episode 1: Welcome to the Doll House

To paraphrase the promo: how far would you go to watch someone find true love? What if it meant sitting through a second season of Who Wants to Marry My Dad? What if we told you the women were hotter, the dad was handsomer, and NBC has proclaimed this series "the most romantic reality show EVER!" How about then?

Sorry, you took too long to answer; the show's already started. Whoo hoo - bad facts, ex-boyfriends and lie detectors, here we come!

Let's meet the Oklands: We have Dad Marty, a 47-year-old cutie-pie with a kind face and a whole head of hair. And here are his three daughters - Nicole, age 28; Jennifer, age 27; and Brooke, age 25. But please be warned: The three girls look very similar, and it's tough telling them apart in this first meeting. Too bad no one thought to color-code them. It would have made my life much easier.

So, according to the premise of the show, Nicole, Jennifer, and Brooke will choose a new wife for their beloved Dad. Over the next six episodes, we'll see them whittle away at this gathering of 13 lovely ladies, until only one remains… the woman they select to marry Marty.

It's Saturday morning at 10 AM. We discover that Dad will get a chance to view the contestants while being "under cover". The show makes it seem as if the daughters have rigged up this opportunity on their own, but a little birdie tells me the show's producers might have had a little something to do with it. Because, you know, they're the producers.

Okay, okay: I suppose a bit of belief suspension goes along with watching any television show, even reality T.V. But I absolutely draw the line at believing the Oklands live in that mansion we're seeing. That sign with the family name on it absolutely does not fool me.

In the courtyard of said mansion, the contestants make their grand entrance out of limos which, though luxurious, is fast becoming overdone. Maybe next season, the ladies can disembark out of a more unusual vehicle. A Yugo, for instance.

But for right now, we have limousines full of contestants. First we meet Marilyn, a 40-year old esthetician. Next is Machel, 32, a "writer/model," according to the show's website. Debbie follows - she's 45 and an event producer. Then there's Nicole, 40 years old and a realtor. Next is Sharon, a 34-year old web designer. Tammy's a 35-year old claims adjustor. Layne is 42 and a marketing director.

Stacy is next out of the car; she's 39 and an accountant. Then we meet Sarah, who at 31 is the youngest of the group. Next up is Lola, who is 42 and is the most natural looking woman on the show. Thank God - someone who isn't made up to look like a Vegas showgirl and doesn't look like she's been under the knife. This is a person I can root for.

Suzanne is 38 and a mortgage broker; Tina is a 36-year old realtor, and Melanie is 38 and an executive assistant. Is that it? Are we done yet? Yes? Halle-friggin-lujah. Let's get on with the show already.

After all the women are introduced, Mr. S (whom I've bribed to stay up and watch this with me) makes the following observation: "They all look so plastic!" Unfortunately, at this exact same moment, we hear daughter Nicole say, "They're all so beautiful!" Hmmm… eye of the beholder, indeed.

Next, Nicole reads a letter to the women that Dad Marty has written all by himself. It was a wonderful welcoming letter, full of emotion and hope and generosity and all sorts of good things, but I missed the details, due to the fact that I'm obsessed with watching all the ladies tear up, just at the sound of Marty's words. They tell the camera that they dying to meet him.

Let's recap: the women have yet to set eyes on this man, and one letter of his read aloud has them weeping passionately. Is love already in the air, or is that the lingering scent of desperation? Whichever; all I know is that it's going to be a long six weeks.

The daughters announce that before the ladies meet Dad, they all get to go shopping for their would-be engagement rings. Squeals of excitement greet this news. However, at the jewelry store is Marty, dressed up to look like a salesman, with the nametag "Craig" pinned to his suit jacket. The women meet with "Craig" one-on-one to get ideas and information on diamond rings.

Of course, we see "Craig" stumble when Marilyn asks him what a particular ring's setting is called. Debbie confesses to "Craig" that she's on this particular show because "it has more class" than The Bachelor, and contestant Nicole comes right out and asks "Craig" if he's married. Heh.