Road Rules X-treme, Episode 8: Diamonds Are a Girl's Worst Friend

Last week, on Road Rules: The Roadies got their RV back, complete with a brand-new cast member. However, they didn't feel the love for Nick until he revealed he was gay; then they fell all over themselves to prove how okay with it they were. To top it all off, the Roadies actually won a mission for a change.

This week, it's Kina's birthday, and the Roadies surprise her with a small cake topped with a 20 candle. Kina feels the love! And this gush of warm-spiritedness can only mean a patented dose of irony is to follow. Emotions are never allowed to stand on their own in a Bunim-Murray production.

The Roadies continue their celebration at -- where else? -- a club. Before long, Jodi and Kina find themselves scoping out the same guy, an English-speaker named Boris. As the night carries on, Kina sees that she is outmatched, and gripes that Jodi said she wasn't going after him, but after she got some drinks in her, she became a "slut." She later whines to Derrick (her castoff?) that Jodi was practically taking her underwear off, while Derrick jumps at the chance to criticize someone else's drunken behavior for a change.

The next day, Kina can barely talk to Jodie, who tries to convince her that she isn't like "that" most of the time. And whoa... we're already headed toward the next mission. The fact that it is taking place so quickly can only mean that a bunch of messy crap happens toward the end of the episode. Can I have "Jodi Gets Voted Off" for 1,000?

The Roadies arrive at a lake, where their MMs inform them that they will be divided into three teams, each of which will board a helicopter over the lake. In the middle are three diamonds, each worth different points (five for the middle, three for one end, one for the largest on the other end). The helicopter carries the pairs over the water, and they each must make four jumps, hopefully through the diamonds. First jump, the team members are blind-folded and must be directed by the other member of the pair. The Roadies need to earn forty points of a possible sixty to complete the mission, and each person must succeed in falling through a diamond at least once. The first pair to go up is Jodi and Patrich, and a blindfolded Jodi is the first to jump out into the water.

And... commercial. Shortest Act One ever. More room for angst in Acts Two and Three.

And product placement. Don't forget product placement.

At the opening of Act Two, Jodi just misses the one-point diamond and crashes into the water. Now Patrick goes, sans blindfold, and he narrowly misses the five-point diamond. Zero points. Less confident, Jodi and Patrick fly up in the helicopter for the second round. Blindfolded Patrick jumps, and crashes through the middle diamond. Five points!

Kina frets that Jodi has a tendency to get flaky and jumpy during missions, and is proven right when Jodi jumps too early and crashes just short of the one-point diamond.

Nick and Kina go up next, with the knowledge that their entire team is trailing badly. Unfortunately, while Nick succeeds in gaining a few points, it isn't enough. There is no way for the Roadies to earn forty points, and they fail the mission.

Now the hard decisions come. The Roadies have four hours to vote off a teammate (I like how the MMs refer to them as "cast members," like they know this whole thing is staged and the "drama" is carefully tailored to suit the audience), and decide to put names into a hat so the next person can be randomly voted off. However, this scheme starts to backfire when Ibis and Kina compare notes, and decide that they have displayed good judgment and shouldn't have to be voted off. They look unfavorably at Jodi, who not only screwed up during the mission, but hooked up with a guy, the slut! Derrick and Patrick, too, quickly pinpoint Jodi as the problem (though every bad thing Jodi has done has at least been equaled by Derrick), and talk about it quietly, when Nick enters the RV.

Not in on the plotting because of immunity, Nick tells Jodi what he overheard. Jodi is distressed, and says that if this is how they are going to treat her, she would rather be voted off. Meanwhile Kina starts to have second thoughts, as her hurt pride over losing the guy recedes. Similarly, the others struggle to justify why they would vote off someone with no problems with will and has made no serious errors. Kina believes that the person getting voted off should really deserve to go, and is relieved when the Roadies decide, once again, to draw from a hat.

Why do I have a feeling karma is going to bite Kina in the ass?

That night, the Roadies gather together to pick names out of the Hat of Doom. I almost feel bad for them, because they really do seem to like each other and to want to stay. Like other viewers of Road Rules, I find myself questioning the good of the vote-off rule. When you vote people off on Survivor or Big Brother, the point is to crown the last one standing the winner. But what is the big deal about voting people out on Road Rules when they just get another person to fill in? It would be more fun to either watch them struggle to complete missions as their numbers dwindle, or watch the original group of six grow on each other's last nerve. Isn't that the point of being crammed in an RV for over two months -- to see if everyone can cohabitate without tearing each other apart?

The first name picked is Jodi's, who sniffles and fights back tears. "Don't worry about it," her teammates tell her. The next is for Derrick. "This sucks," Derrick spits. And... cut to credits.

Damn you Road Rules! You almost made me care!

Next week, on Road Rules: The monumental name picking continues, and it's a nail-biter. Jodi feels guilty for not having gone, so it's obvious she doesn't get voted off. A new cast member arrives, artfully shielded in the car by a windshield reflection, and faces the challenge of having to walk a tightrope above the city.

Kara doesn't care if you agree with her. She considers herself to be a contrarian, which means she's technically not allowed to agree with anyone. You can reach her at kara_wild@dslextreme.com, or visit her website, The Contrarian's Corner.

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