The Assistant, Episode 9 - Andy's Assistant Is...

Last week, Andy brought Mark back into the mix, surprising Tanika and Melissa. The three basically had to compete in a Fear Factor type stunt in order to stick around for another day. In the end, Tanika couldn't muster up the strength to eat a stick of head cheese (who would?) and got clipped. Mark and Melissa are officially the final two, and will fight for the prize they both want so badly - the title of "The Assistant."

We begin with Andy saying it's almost over, and although he is sad about it all, he also wants it to end because he needs time alone because the whole thing screwed with his head. Melissa and Mark sit in the house. Mark isn't sure who will win, while Melissa says they are both very even at this point, and the odds aren't in one persons favor. Andy greets the day and says he isn't sure who will win either, as he pulls on the curtain and it falls on top of him. He has been concentrating very hard on who will win, and even had a dream last night that he was a giant chocolate éclair, but he wasn't so sure what was going on because Mark and Melissa were not even in the dream. He feels that he may be going bonkers because of all the clipping he's been doing. I think I agree, although he's still funny as hell.

The new Sion arrives. Andy takes a look at it and lets the assistants take a look as well. Then Andy proceeds to play on the car and jump on it. He soon tells the final two that he will be taking them to the Improv tonight, where he is doing an act, and wants them to help. Mark is excited as is Melissa. Andy says they are an '80s band that does all their own stuff - they don't cover any songs. The gig is important, and when they get there, he flips on Mark and Melissa for not calling his hair and make-up woman. Andy is stressed out, and Melissa says that sometimes he just can't be pleased. She tells him he's up in 20 minutes, and he begins to freak out because he hasn't written a specific song yet. He says he's rushed and asks Mark and Melissa to do it for him. Melissa says they only have a minute, as Andy is yelling at them to throw out phrases. Mark throws out "ace monster" and he and Melissa try to make it into a song. Andy calls them stupid, but still likes their song.

The curtain rises and it's time for Andy to hit the stage. Everyone seems to like his set, and even Mark and Melissa say it's funny, but they are nervous about the song they wrote for him. The audience hears "Ace Monster" and isn't really impressed. After Andy is done with the song, he storms off the stage and doesn't want to talk to anyone. He even tells Melissa to get away. He compares it to the trust game, where you fall back and expect to be caught, but they let him crack his skull on the cement ground. I wouldn't say it was THAT bad, but "Ace Monster" was REALLY bad. He rips up the paper that the song is on and throws it at Mark. The two assistants feel they were doomed to fail. Andy says someone is getting clipped tomorrow. Mark looks really nervous and says he never knows what Andy is going to do. I agree - this guy is definitely a ticking time bomb.

Andy states that he really wants to clip them both and take the car, but his lawyers said it's a "no-can-do," which in lawyer talk means "no." Both Mark and Melissa think the other one will win, and when Mark says they just have to hump it, Andy screams "no humping" from his bedroom. How did he hear them!? Andy wants to know who will win and have to eat his poo. I didn't know they had to do that too? Oh well…

Andy admits he is leaning towards one person, but isn't sure who will win. He likes them both for different reasons. He says Melissa is a giggle-pot, but it's who she really is - she isn't fake. He calls her a fun little bitch. Then we get to see some highlights and lowlights of Melissa in action. She is constantly laughing and always seemed to have a good time. Next, we see some highlights and lowlights of Mark. Andy says he appreciates Mark, and knows he hustles. He not sad over the whole thing, he's actually happy because he feels after he clips this last person, his sanity will return.