The Next Great Champ, Episode 2: Heavy Hitter

Why does this show insist on providing half an hour of filler and recap? You can show an entire fight if you're desperate for material! It's just stupid! I am definitely less than impressed. But I will give them credit for having the cajones to make "Eye of the Tiger" the theme. That's just pure balls.

Rene Armijo says last week's winner David Pareja is better conditioned, but loser RC Reyes was the better boxer. Gilbert Zaragoza shook David's hand, but thinks he's a joke. Armijo says he's the great white hype. Pareja wants them to know he's serious - he's moving into the winner's circle room, where the beds are nicer and everyone knows your name or something. You know the Head of Household room on Big Brother? Yeah, imagine that with bigger, sweatier people.

Corps' girlfriend Christy thinks Pareja's wife PJ is too old for him. She's more like a mother figure. David thinks they're jealous because he won all the money last week. PJ says it's a compliment. Paul Scianna says there is a lot of jealousy, everyone thinks they can beat Pareja. Rene says he just rubbed people the wrong way. Mince says Pareja shadowboxes and looks funny, with "Mrs. Robinson" looking on.

Gym the next day brings a lot more pressure, so they say. Tommy tells them the jab is their best asset, and they bring in the best jabber in the world, former champ Larry Holmes! I didn't know he was the best jabber, but I'll take their word for it. He teaches them how to jab effectively. It's stunning in it's boredom.

We meet Fred Bachmann and Gilbert Zaragoza for the first time, really. Fred's a teacher, Gils' been in prison. Lawrence Alonzo fights for his nephews.

Since Dave is in the winner's circle, he gets a private training session with him and another person with Larry Holmes. He picks Fred. Rene calls them girlfriends.

Gil confronts Fred after the session - if Fred doesn't fear anyone, why did he quit? He says he didn't want to get his head beat in, so he pursued his dream to become a teacher. Gil hopes he boxes Fred. Fred says if he loses, he goes back to being a teacher. If Gil loses, what then? My two favorites arguing! Ahh!

Competition time already! They must be saving time for that dramatic ambulance scene they splashed on every promo, right?

Lawrence used to shut his girlfriend out when it came to boxing, that's why they broke up. But they're back together for this show, and she's there to support him.

The competition is to test punching power. Heavy bags are suspended from a track on about a thirty degree incline. They have to punch the heavy bag about ten feet up the hill, only using one hand. There are two rounds, the two winners of the rounds face off in the finals. Fred says he's the most powerful.

It looks like a midway game! You know the ones where you shoot a target and the little guy moves toward the target? Yeah, like those. In the first round, Fred backs up his boast, while Rene barely moves.

In round two, Mike Vallejo wins. It's close for a while, but Mike pulls ahead at the end. He thinks people underestimate him because he's small. Lawrence is upset because he's not doing well in front of his girlfriend. She nags at him that she doesn't think he gave his all like he says he did. YEESH!

The final is Fred vs. Mike - two more of my favorites! Fred blows him away, by a couple of feet. Fred wins $10,000 (half of which will go to his school, as he promised before the show) and is automatically ranked #1. Mince thinks Lance, Fred's brother, is over-competitive and would do anything to win. Which is SO much worse than doing anything to lose.

Oscar, Tommy, and Lou talk over the rankings. Does Lawrence have what it takes? Rene makes Tommy want to puke. He's been half-assing. Gil has the intensity, but can he win in real life? Mike is a little bit Tyson, he has a big heart. Mince didn't do well for the second week in a row.

They're rushing this episode something fierce. The medical scare must take up a lot of time! You know, the one that they plugged constantly to take place this week?

There's a surprise in store for the boxers - the loved ones get to see the rankings! Ooh, what a shocking, incredible twist! You thought the twin twist in Big Brother was unthinkable! Sheesh. And apparently once you're in the winner's circle, you don't have another fight until you're in the quarterfinals. Interesting. So Pareja doesn't need to be ranked this week.

Bachmann is announced as #1, and Rene says he's old, and thinks his heart isn't in it. Mike Vallejo moves up a notch to #2, the second week in the top three. He just wants to fight. Griffin finishes in third. Mince wants to fight him, so he can whip him.

The rest of the fighters are ranked, and we didn't get to see them at all, we don't know anything about them. It's down to Mince and Alonzo. Tommy yells at Mince that he's been dogging it in the competitions, and is letting everyone down. Alonzo is in horrible shape - he's been "eating his paychecks" and dogging it in the gym. Alonzo gets the bottom ranking, and must fight for survival tonight.

The full rankings look like this:

1. Bachmann
2. Vallejo
3. Griffin
4. Armijo
5. Elmahmoud
6. Zaragoza
7. Scianna
8. Corps
9. Mince
10. Alonzo

Mince escapes the bottom for the second straight week. He's got to be feeling horrible - but not as bad as Alonzo. He has to fight for survival, and he says the hardest part is choosing who to fight. Is Alonzo the one who gets hurt tonight? He's not in good shape.