I Hate My Job, Episode 1: Clothes Make the Man

As the show starts, we are introduced to each of the eight contestants in their current jobs. There's Chuck the Handyman who wants to be a hockey coach, Frank the Cow Manure Processor who wants to model, Jim the Attorney who wants to be a comedian, Ben the Pool Table Technician who wants to be a stuntman, Art the Software Salesman who wants to build custom motorbikes (also known as "choppers"), Brad the Casino Dealer who wants to be a cartoonist, Jeph the Construction Foreman who wants to be an actor and Josh the Preschool Teacher who wants to become a nightclub promoter.

At 9 a.m. sharp in Downtown Los Angeles, a limo pulls up to a flight of steps, and out steps former presidential candidate, human rights activist, and motivational speaker Reverend Al Sharpton. Dressed in a suit and tie, he looks ready to begin his newest job as career coach and welcomes the eight contestants to the show. The contestants are all dressed appropriately for their current jobs. Sharpton then introduces his assistant, Stephanie Raye, who is introduced as a "life coach and counselor."

Stephanie tells us viewers that she is the one who is always watching the candidates, so that "when we give them feedback, it's real feedback." I guess fake feedback just wasn't cutting it, so they decided to go with real feedback instead. This also puts Stephanie in the same position as The Apprentice's Carolyn Kepcher.

Rev. Sharpton tells the contestants that at the end of their first set of challenges, four of them will be sent home - that's half the field gone before you can say "Week One!" This first set of challenges involves getting out of the mindset of their old life, because as Rev. Sharpton says "They've got to change their appearance in order to become mentally what they want to be." To do this, the contestants will be split into two teams of four (no need to worry about such niceties as team names). Each team will go to Hollywood and find outfits suitable for their new dream jobs. Sounds easy enough, right? But, as always, there's a catch. They cannot use any form of money, including credit cards. (Simple Life, anyone?) They have to work in exchange for their clothes.

There are also two other rules. The first is that each team has to stick together. The second is that they have to be done by dinner, which is at 8 p.m., and as Rev. Sharpton tells them, "I don't like to wait." The first team to arrive will have a "significant advantage" for the next task.

The contestants are divided into two teams. Team One consists of Josh, Jim, Art, and Jeph. Team Two consists of Frank, Brad, Chuck, and Ben. So the two teams are driven to Hollywood Blvd and dropped off with four hours in which to dress everyone in their team.

Team Two is the first team to enter a store. The store is called "ForPlay" and sells sexy clothes, which would help Frank, who wants to be a model. The guys' first job is to dress the mannequins, which Frank and Chuck decide to do. Of course being guys, the mannequin ends up completely naked at one point, which prompts Frank to tell Chuck to "put her underwear on."

Meanwhile, Team One has also stopped in a store where Jim is trying to get the woman in the store to let them work for the clothes, to which she replies that they can clean the bathroom. Josh cleans the sink while singing, "Cleaning bathrooms is wicked fun, wicked fun" to the tune of "The Wheels on The Bus Go Round and Round." Jim, on the other hand, is outside cleaning the store's display window, and claims that he's "going to stick to his day job" because he's not a good window washer. Gee, and all this time I thought the point was not to keep your day job.

Back in Team Two's store, it's time to get paid. To his surprise, the woman in the store hands Chuck a hockey jersey and gives Frank what Chuck describes as "a fishnet, 1982 shirt." This makes sense because the last time this writer saw a guy wear a shirt like that; he was in a music video singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt."

However, that's not all Frank gets. He also gets a pair of maroon snakeskin pants like the kind that, according to Chuck, "Prince may have worn at one time." Ben thinks Frank looks more like a stripper than a model, and he's probably not far wrong.

Team One walks out of their store with a jacket and shirt for Jim the Comedian Wannabe, while Frank on Team Two is worried that his friends will spot him in his outfit. That's the least of his worries, as Team Two is finding that other stores aren't as agreeable to their terms of "employment."