The Apprentice 2 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 11: Maria's Movin' Out

Apex Corporation:

This was one of the best showings by a team in this season, maybe second only to Mosaic's NYPD ad task. And was it just my imagination, or did Robert Hanson, the president of Levi's, remind anyone else of Egon from Ghostbusters? Also, this was one of the coolest rewards ever. Screw the jewelry, I'd rather meet the man who wrote Piano Man. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.

Jennifer: At first, I couldn't believe how incompetent you looked in this episode. But then, after talking to a few people about you, I've come up with a theory. You're not stupid - in fact, you're one of the smartest people on the show. However, you play off the dumb blonde theory and let people think you're not intelligent. You do exactly the amount of work you have to do. If you're not in danger (or Project Manager), you seem to scale it back. While this method of play would work well in Survivor, I think it will hurt you badly when your ass actually IS on the line.

Let me illustrate the point. She defends Stacie in the boardroom, slightly. Just enough so that she could say that she doesn't like the way Stacie was treated and not look horrible. Hey, she tried! Of course, she didn't try TOO hard, like disagree with Trump when he said that "everyone" thought Stacie was crazy.

Or, more recently, she claimed not to understand the "fit wheel" and as a result, was busy work the rest of the task. Maybe she saw that Kevin and Kelly LOVED the wheel idea, and she knew it was a good idea. But she's not going to give Ivana the satisfaction of praising her, so she sandbags her. You're not going to work hard only for Ivana to get the credit for it. Your team wins, you can say that Ivana just didn't explain it well enough for you. You lose, you can point to the fit wheel and say "I thought it was dumb from the start, I didn't even understand it until it was too late, but everyone else loved it!" Finally, you claim to know nothing about modeling, but you can't tell me that's the first time you've ever done something like that. And finally, you managed to take the credit away from Ivana. You should have been honest and said that it was Ivana's idea, but that would have been really, really stupid, so it was right of you to keep quiet.

Of course, I could be wrong and you could be stupid as a rock. After all, the internet extras showed you acting confused at the very beginning. Either way, you're doing well in the game somehow. I haven't quite figured that out yet. Maybe it IS some sort of fembot powers, or cross mojo-nation, or something.

Kelly: As I've said before, I love confidence, but saying that Wes sent you to Apex because he's afraid of you? That's just dumb. Maybe he didn't like your cocky attitude?

Ivana: I don't like you as a performer on this task, but credit where credit is due, your "fit wheel" idea was excellent. Definitely your high point of the show, and you deserve all the credit in the world, despite what ol' Egon thinks. And speaking of which, I'm glad you didn't try to argue about Jen doing the best job. It would have made you look petty, just like when you criticized Stacie on the real estate task.

However (you knew you wouldn't get away from me that easily!), in talking with the same people as I mentioned above with Jennifer, I've decided that you have a RAGING case of jealousy against Jennifer. It's understandable, because it's not fair that beautiful people already have an advantage in life. But it does no good to moan and piss and whine about it, it's unbecoming! Besides, jealousy makes you say things like "[Jen] is getting more in more blonde," right in front of the blonde Carolyn, who holds your fate in her hands.

You've proven yourself to me this week - you have the skills it takes to be a tremendous manager. Take my advice, and don't worry about the advantage that someone else has, use the advantages YOU have and laugh as you pass them on the corporate ladder. And if you go back to sucking next week, I'll go back to ripping on you.

Kevin: You did a great job as Project Manager this week, taking the good ideas of your teammates and letting the lesser people do the busy work. Not sure I agree with that last part, but it worked for you. I also loved the idea of posing for the catalog yourselves. It shows a confidence and willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Of course, Egon said your pictures weren't all that sexy, which would have been painful to me.