Surviving Vanuatu, Episode 13: Chill OUT!

Your friendly neighborhood Survivor recapper, David Bloomberg, couldn't be with us tonight. Under the light of the harvest moon, in a ceremony shrouded in more secrecy than the funeral of the whale from Free Willy, David handed over the official RNO recapping ring (forged in the fires of Mount Doom, you know) to yours truly. I sincerely hope I am worthy of this awesome task entrusted of me. And if this sucks, blame the Fighting Illini men's basketball team and their local CBS affiliate.

Worry not, David will be back to recap the finale on Sunday, as well as providing his "Why Whoever Lost" for tonight's castoff.

When we last left Survivor, Julie was on the outside of the mismatched final four alliance of Scout, Twila, Eliza, and Chris. The previews show strains in the alliance, and many have commented that the smart money would be for Chris, Eliza, and Julie to team up and eliminate the power couple of Twila and Scout. But will he keep his plan of going against two old women? Is Eliza smart enough to realize her situation? Will Julie actually try to stick around? Who will make the final four? I want Chris, Scout, and Twila in the final three, so however that happens is fine by me. We're an hour away from finding out!

It's night 33, on the way back from Tribal Council where Ami was voted off. They don't talk about Ami, but I just like saying "Ami was voted off." Chris thought it would be just a quiet night, but Twila is upset that Eliza mentioned that Twila swore on her son. Twila is tired of hearing about it, she feels horrible about it, but the only one she's worried about accepting it is her son when she gets home. She's tired of hearing about it, she wishes she hasn't said it, and she wants to drop it. If she makes the finals, that swear is going to drag her down like Lil's Scout uniform in the Pearl Islands. Twila says they can kiss her ass. Julie thinks that's uncalled for, but Twila says that it's "a lot called for."

Julie tells us that the whole situation showed raging insecurity on Twila's part. She did it, and Julie intends to use that against her. Eliza and Julie yammer on about it, complaining that her outburst was uncalled for. Eliza tells us that she was shocked that Twila did it, and says if she can't live with "her past actions," don't do it. This from the same person that whined about being sorry for voting out Leann for an entire episode...

The next morning, Eliza and Julie are still complaining about Twila. Brilliant strategy from Julie, she should egg Twila and Julie on as much as she can. They can't understand why she's so mad. Chris says it's not good, because Twila alienated a member of their alliance, and that's endangering her position in the game. Foreshadowing!

Julie asks Eliza why it would make a huge difference if they voted out Twila instead of her. Eliza says she doesn't know. I have no problem believing that. Eliza says sometimes it's in your best interest to turn your back on an alliance. You don't say! In a funny twist, Eliza has Julie, who is NOT in Chris' alliance, talk to Chris about voting with Eliza, who IS in his alliance. This game is WACKY. Julie says that Eliza will be faithful to Chris, so if Chris isn't going to go along with the plan to vote out Twila, there's no point in Eliza doing it.

The challenge, already? Wow. It's all about second chances. As usual around this time, the challenge combines different elements of past challenges. The first section is the mud pit. They have to crawl through the mud underneath a short bridge. The first four to finish go on, the fifth is eliminated. The pig pen is next, they have to catch a pig and take it to a cage. The first three move on (well, there's Scout and Eliza gone) to the third section, putting together a tiki puzzle. The first two to finish that go head to head, climbing a ladder up to a balance beam, retrieving a slingshot, and breaking three tiles to raise their torch.

Reward is a horseback ride to Mt. Yasur, one of the most active volcanoes in the world. They will have hot dogs to eat, because apparently hot dogs are food befitting an active volcano somehow, and wine, beer, and/or hot chocolate. They'll spend the night at Mt. Yasur.

Through the mud pit, Chris finishes first, then Eliza, Twila, and Julie. To the surprise of no one, Scout is out.

First three to catch a pig with an orange stripe and put the pig in its cage move on. Chris catches one quickly, while Eliza almost runs headfirst into a tree branch chasing a pig. She doesn't look any more comfortable this time than during the last pig challenge. Julie grabs one, and Twila follows soon after. Eliza is out, again, to the shock of none.

At the tiki puzzle, Chris looks to be way ahead, but he tossed one piece aside at the beginning, it's sitting on the ground behind him and he doesn't realize it. Twila and Julie move on, Chris is very upset with himself. I wonder if he wanted the reward as much as he wanted to prove he could do the balance beam?

In the final section, Twila trips on the ladder up to the beam, giving Julie a big lead. Julie reaches the slingshot as Twila falls hard into the net and looks to have injured her ankle. Julie takes forever to untie her slingshot and Twila catches up. Twila has trouble untying her slingshot as well, and Julie breaks two plates before Twila gets a shot off. Twila finally breaks one, but before she can shoot again Julie breaks her third in her third shot.

Julie wins reward, and of course gets to bring along someone for company. She calls it ironic because "none of these people would have taken me." That's what you get for being in a losing alliance! She chooses Chris, who gives a muddy Julie a big bear hug. It's oddly erotic.