The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 2: Staying Over and Walking Out

It's another case where neither team did a very good job. The true excellent performances were moments, as opposed to the well-oiled machine that was Net Worth last week. So I don't have much positive to say. You're shocked, aren't you?

Magna Corporation:

Maybe there was a good reason for it, but why would you paint the rooms when time was of the essence? And I'm DYING to know who the idiot was who didn't take the bags off the mattresses.

Kendra, Stephanie, and Alex: You got pretty well overshadowed by the Verna and Brian show. See you next week.

Bren: The only real exposure was cleaning up Verna's mess, which was impressive. You can get a lot of mileage being known as a problem solver, trust me. Also, you said in the extra footage that the "yankees" don't know how to design roads. Bren, I lived in Memphis for ten years - Memphians have NO ROOM to talk about stupid roads. Don't believe me? Try explaining Highway 40 to someone sometime.

Erin: I understand you're only on this show because you want to be a model, and you already have an agent. That would explain the outfits that look like something out of Zoolander, but nothing would ever explain that hair.

Let me say something to all the model and actress wannabes who want to go on The Apprentice: DON'T. This isn't that type of show. You'll only look like an idiot, like Tammy or Ereka or Elizabeth (even though they don't necessarily fall in that category). Go on Survivor, or America's Next Top Model, or whatever. Or maybe go on The Biggest Loser, because that's what you are. I don't care. The second season of The Apprentice was ruined by jackoffs like you, Erin, who didn't give a rat's ass about business. Go crawl back in your hole and quit screwing up my favorite reality show!

Verna: OK, take a seat, this will take a while.

You WALKED OFF the job? Not only that, but you left the front desk unattended when there was another teammate sleeping RIGHT THERE? I don't care how tired you were, how hard would it have been to wake Bren up and tell him you needed some sleep? But no, you just walked off.

I don't care who you are, you walk out on a job like that and you're GONE. Unless there's a real medical emergency (and "I'm tired" doesn't cut it, sorry), there's no excuse for abandoning your post. Yes, abandoning. Carolyn driving off after you was the biggest load of bull in the history of the show. You just took off walking with a camera right with you, huh? Just walked around aimlessly in case someone decided to come after you? This wasn't a breakdown, this was a pathetic cry for attention. It shouldn't be rewarded with everyone saying how "courageous" you are, it should result in your ass print on the boardroom door from it hitting you on the way out. Why should anyone trust you? Will you always need someone with you in case you decide you don't want to come back? Why should anyone put you in charge of anything harder than handing out flyers? You could have made a lot of people's hard work for nothing, because you couldn't handle the pressure. And now you say you're all magically better. Well excuse me if I'm not the least bit impressed.

Did you see the show at all last year? You haven't seen anything CLOSE to pressure! You cracked on the second task! And this isn't Magic 8-Ball acting weird under pressure, this is mental weakness. Do you think it's going to get better? You think Carolyn is going to play Soccer Mommy every week? If you think that, you're even stupider than Erin's outfits. I have to agree with Betsy - if the true measure of a person is how they act when they're down, I guess that means you pretty much suck. All that phony glad-handing by the rest of the team was a whole lot of crap. You can bet they wouldn't have been so nice if you had lost.

In other words, you don't deserve to be here, and nothing you can possibly do the rest of the series will convince me otherwise. Messing up is one thing - walking out is unforgivable.

Danny: Nice suit. I see you've learned a basic rule of business: being eccentric only matters once you GET the job. Paraphrasing Kevin Costner in Bull Durham, if you win, people will think you're colorful. Until then, the scruffy look just means you're a slob.

You just INVITE movie quotes, don't you?

That said, I think you won the challenge for your team with the party idea. That was inspired, and I wonder if that's part of the reason "Mrs. Customer Service" Verna got so upset - you accomplished in two minutes what she couldn't do all day. But make no mistake, you won the task.

Michael: I start to wonder if you people even watched the first season. One thing you CAN NOT do on these challenges is throw someone and their ideas aside. By ignoring Verna completely, you fed her insecurities and anxiety. Now, she's at fault for what she did and no one else, but you sure didn't help. Listen to her, and if you don't have something for her to do, tell her to work on it and get back to you. She didn't need to be painting. No one did, but that's not the point. You lucked out - had Danny been on the other team, you might have been… oh, wait, Verna would have been fired. But you would have lost, anyway.