The Apprentice 3, MVPs and LVPs: Episodes 2 & 3 Corner Office & Mailroom Assignments

Okay, I have no excuse. I failed you guys this last week and I do apologize. I started a new job and it's a bit overwhelming. Nevertheless, I am back to update you on who has been sent to the corner office and who has been sent to the bowels of the company mailroom. It's been two episodes since we've spoken, so let's get to it!

Week 2 saw the teams renovating hotels. Each was given a $20,000 budget, which would be all right if they used it wisely. However, we all know that wasn't gonna happen, didn't we? Especially since each team hired Neanderthals as program managers. Michael proved to be the reincarnation of Damien: Omen II, riding roughshod over his team and their ideas. And Brian proved that not all a--holes know what to do with toilets. How did each team fare?

Team Streets: Brian seemed to have "small man's complex," insisting his way was the only way. As a result, working toilets were ripped out at great cost and expense, but dirty, ratty, smelly carpet was not. Tana seemed to think that a free paper would make everything okay, but the nasty carpet was a fact no one could overlook. Angie (who is a dead-ringer for Chynna from Surreal Life 4) was competent, although her best moment was telling Kristen to shut the hell up.

Speaking of Kristen---the only way she made it through the boardroom was due to Brian's massive ego and even more massive stupidity. No one, least of all me, like a whiner. Instead of b----ing about Brian, try working for the betterment of the team and put Brian to the side, like John did. John, once again, was the clear leader and MV team player this week. He was the only one who attempted to deal with Brian, and he worked as hard, if not harder, than anyone. John, once again, you get the corner office. Keep this up and we'll order a nameplate for the door. I would have given Brian mailroom duty, but he was so incompetent and so fractious, I'd be worried he'd screw deliveries up and then go postal. Get it? Go postal? Mailroom? I slay myself. Nope, the mailroom mama this week is Kristen. The mailroom is 32 floors down, so she can b----h and complain as much as she wants and no one will hear her.

Team Schools: Erin proved that no one looks good in a bathmat, even if it is pink. Verna proved that even ivy leaguers can be quitters. Bren proved that he actually can do something, even if it is tattle on Verna and complain about there being no breakfast. One question, counselor: are you arms broken? You don't see coffee and donuts, gettem yourself! Jeesh! He may be a fellow prosecutor, but he ain't representin'. Danny seemed to have cleaned up his act this week, but not enough to warrant the corner office. No, I think I'll give it to Kendra, for being the most astute member of the team last week (fingering the program manager as the source of the team's troubles in the Burger King fiasco) and for keeping her head down and working hard on the hotel job. Kendra, kick off those pumps and rest on the sofa. I'll have one of the secretaries give you a foot rub. As for mailroom duty, is there really any competition? Michael proved to be both ineffectual and egotistical, fatuous and condescending, and a domineering, petulant leader. Here's hoping a week in the mailroom jumpsuit will blow off some of his baseless narcissism.

How do the teams tally up at the end of the second week?

Streets:
Corner Office: John (2)
Mailroom: Kristen (2)

Schools:
Corner Office: Kendra (1)
Mailroom: Bren (1), Danny (1), Michael (1)

Coffee was the product to be sold in Week 3. The teams had to come up with "buzz" for Nescafe, what I've always thought of as the Sanka of Europe. You know, the gritty stuff you get with a day-old croissant at some hole-in-the-wall patisserie off the Pont Neuf. Guess Nestle isn't fond of that image. Since they already had a challenge to "create buzz" (a loathsome phrase) about BK sandwiches, I'm starting to wonder if The Donald and La Burnett are out of fresh ideas. How did each team fare with $75,000 and the instant coffee world's version of, well, instant coffee?