The Apprentice 3, MVPs and LVPs: Episodes 4-8 Corner Office & Mailroom Assignments

Man, do I have a lot of catching up to do! First of all, to the loyal RNO'ers who have emailed me their choices for corner office and mailroom, rest assured I've read them all. I've been out of commission with a family emergency for a while, but I'm back and ready to hit the ground running. I have three episodes to catch up on, so bear with me. Before I do, a blanket thank you to the nasty and not-so-nasty emails that noted that the Smarts team LOST the previous competition. Hard to believe, but I don't always get things right. To quote the Bartles and Jaymes guys, "we thank you for your support."

Episode 4: Veggie Tails

Donny Deutch, the only more overly televised businessperson than The Donald himself, returns with another advertising challenge. This time, it's body wash. Given the shilling the "apprenticeseses" have to do for various products, it's a shame that "Spokesmodel" is not an attainable prize in this competition. That said, how did the teams do in portraying the cleansing qualities, the purifying perfection that is body wash?

Team Streets: Kristen, whom no one has been able to convince me is not actually Chynna (from WWE and Surreal Life 4) in a suit, decides she needs to lead because her boyfriend works in film. Well, as Joan Cusak so rightly said in Working Girl, "Sometimes I dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna." As we know, Kristen's idea was to have a "race," with the winner lathering himself up with body wash. Okay idea, if a little odd, and only made odder by his only washing his face. Now, Kyan from Queer Eye might cringe, but when I'm in the shower, I wash my face with body wash. I won't deny it. And I wasn't as thoroughly grossed out as the Deutch people and Carolyn were about his not washing it off - I mean, he wasn't rubbing sewage on his face, people! Jeesh.

How did they fare? Well, John has been my "pick to win" since the beginning, and, true to form, he comes up with the great idea. The execution sucked, but that wasn't his fault. John can have the corner office again this week. I've already sent to the engraver for a nameplate. Seems he might be staying there a while if things continue like this. As for the mailroom, Kristen has to take the heavy lifting, package delivery duty for this week for making my undergrad student film look like Citizen Kane. What a horrid production! "And then there's Audrey..." (I love Little Shop of Horrors, don't you?). Audrey is not only a whiner, but is shaping up to be what I like to call a "professional victim." She can lick stamps and sort mail this week while Kristen hauls the boxes.

Team Smarts:

Anyone but me afraid to see what Bren's bedroom might look like at home? I mean, the guy wears a bowtie and acts like Mr. Uptight and then comes up with the "cucumber" spot. They say still waters run deep, but who knew that bowtied prosecutors ran kinky? The spot alone might have landed him in the mailroom. And Erin dressing everyone up as chefs was this side of malpractice. It's a BODY WASH ad. Maybe her hair is putting a strain on her brain. However, Bren's bawdiness and Erin's airheadedness did not warrant mailroom duty. Michael's negative attitude and almost paralytic laziness take the cake. Michael, go to the mailroom. Go directly to the mailroom. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Joining Michael this week is a guest clerk, "the Actress." Who gets a chance to be on national TV, to get a line for their resume, to get paid for it, and complains about waiting around? And besides, she wasn't that great, in my humble and snarky opinion. Plus, I love the idea of Michael and Actress Lady being locked in the bowels of the company for a week. Does anyone get the corner office? I'm giving it to Kendra again. She's efficient, witty, honest, and practical. She's been in the shadows of the larger personalities so far, but she has it together.

Here's the Week 4 tally:

Streets:
Corner Office: John (3), Angie (1)
Mailroom: Kristen (3), Chris (1), Audrey (1)

Schools: Corner Office: Kendra (2), Darren (event planner, Week 3) (1)
Mailroom: Bren (1), Danny (2), Michael (3), "the Actress" (1)

Episode 5: Trailer Trash

When I was young, a group of people came up to me and asked me to get into a trailer. I was skeptical, but they were a hard sell group. Turns out they were Jews for Jesus, and I wasn't allowed to get out of the freakin' trailer until I prayed with them. So, forgive me if I have a few trepidations about a challenge that requires the "apprenticeses," as Ellen DeGeneres calls them, to convince people to pay to get into their trailers.

The teams had widely varying ideas, as you know. Smarts chose a rolling massage parlor… er, spa; Streets chose a pay-to-be-seen casting session. It was my understanding that people were trained to avoid casting sessions you had to pay for (think "scam"), but that didn't seem to stop the flood of desperate out-of-work actors that traipsed through Streets' trailer during the competition. So, who did the best and who the worst this week?