The Apprentice 3, MVPs and LVPs: Episodes 4-8 Corner Office & Mailroom Assignments

Streets: There's something about Tana that gets on my nerves. I can't place what it is. She seems very intensely perky, like a Mary Kay consultant on too much caffeine. She did a good job, but I can’t get past her innate "Tana-ness." Tara came up with the casting trailer idea and Angie gave her "I'm an actress" stamp of approval (which seems to carry more authority than the "I have a boyfriend who is a director" stamp that Kristen wielded in the last episode). Both get props for the idea, but I didn't see either of them working too hard. And then there's John. John, whom I loved; John, whom Betsy claimed as her boyfriend. He's starting to be a bullying whiner like Michael from the other team. He didn't do much but b---h about the task. He can go straight to the mailroom and work on his bad attitude. As for the corner office, I have to look past my irritation and give the office to Tana, although she is forbidden to redecorate the office while she's there (and you know she'd be wanting to).

Smarts: The rolling spa idea is okay, but all I could think of was, what kind of person would get into a van to be "rubbed down" by a total stranger, and is that the kind of work these college grads thought they'd have to do to work for The Donald? Additionally, what was the team thinking letting Bren lead after his cucumber idea? Perhaps they were banking on his falling on his derriere. No chance on him getting fired, though, as long as Michael is there to whine and complain and come up with ideas like "Massage a-go-go." He was worse than useless; he was nasty and belligerent to boot. He wouldn't sell the spa idea because it's "creepy" for a man to sell massages. Michael, we've ordered you your own chair for the mailroom. Consider this a permanent appointment.

As for the corner office, this is the first week I've seen Erin do any substantive work. She was a good seller and got a lot of traffic into the spa. Maybe it's because her bangs were finally out of her eyes or she took off the pink bathmat she likes to wear. In any case, she scored some points with me for the first time. I'm not wholly sold on your executive potential, but since your colleagues either didn't really figure in (Alex, Kendra) or were worse than useless (Bren, Michael), you can have the corner office. Consider it positive reinforcement for your change of appearance.

The tally for Episode 5:

Streets:
Corner Office: John (3), Angie (1), Tana (1)
Mailroom: Kristen (3), Chris (1), Audrey (1), John (1)

Schools:
Corner Office: Kendra (2), Darren (event planner, Week 3) (1), Erin (1)
Mailroom: Bren (1), Danny (2), Michael (4), "the Actress" (1)

Week 6: American Graffiti

I have prosecuted three self-proclaimed "graffiti artists" in the last three weeks. It's not an "art form" I am particularly fond of, and I think the use of graffiti in Harlem plays to a stereotype I'd just assume not dignify. Still, I don't run the circus. The ideas I gleaned from this episode were (1) only black people play Playstation; (2) black people are now referred to as the "urban demographic"'; (3) the "urban demographic" prefers its advertising on building walls. Who knew?

Each group had a building wall in Harlem and the use of a "graffiti artist" (aka, the defendant). What I couldn't figure out was why, if they had an actual artiste, the apprenticeses were the ones doing the graffiti. It's like my calling in Thom Felicia (from Queer Eye) to redecorate my house and then did all the wallpapering myself.

Streets: Tara decided that she was the urban demographic, even though Craig also fits the aforementioned description. She also decided she wanted to serve the community rather than the client which, as any malt liquor advertiser will tell you, is counterproductive. (After all, they didn't make their fortunes by having a conscience about the possible negative effects on the communities in which they advertise.) Therefore, while I applaud Tara's sense of community, she missed the boat. Heck, she wasn't even on the right pier. I've said it many times: good intentions don't count for squat in big business. Besides, Tara was egotistical and didn't give proper credit to any of her team. Tara, cool your jets in the mailroom this week. Maybe it will be a humbling experience for you.

Did anyone on Streets merit a corner office assignment this week? That's tougher. Audrey did at least play the Playstation game they were advertising and did try to get the point across that the ad did not accurately represent the game. However, she is so whiny and confrontational that she was brushed off by everyone. John also played the game, but (sorry, Betsy) he's getting to be a little too big for his britches and his attitude bugs me. Craig was in charge of the design and worked hard with the "artist" and did a solid job. True, he didn't step in enough to try and fix the error in vision that Tara had, but I didn't think he was "demeaningful" to Audrey as Audrey claimed, and he correctly pinned the lack of communication on Tara. Craig gets the corner office this week.