The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 8: Excuse Me, Stewardess? I Speak Jive...

I didn’t think it was possible, but I actually have a lower opinion of Gene Simmons than I did before. He came off much, much worse here than he did when he appeared on American Idol recently. Although I thought he rather creepily stared at one of the female contestants on that show, he didn’t tell anyone he was “rigid” or stick his finger in a female’s ear. Or maybe American Idol editors are just more sensitive, who knows? Maybe I’m the one being overly sensitive, but to me, Donald Trump allowing someone like Simmons to sully his show is just another reason, to me, why this show is rapidly circling the drain.

Don’t get me wrong – one can easily be a fan of KISS without condoning Gene’s behavior. I like quite a bit of their music, in fact, even though I feel the need to spit every time I hear his name. If you’re a fan of KISS and haven’t read THE definitive unauthorized biography written by my friend and co-RNO writer, Dale Sherman, you really should. You can pick it up right here.

The Halfway Point:

We’re halfway through, and I have to ask myself: Who in this crowd is worthwhile? Is anyone? At this point last season, it became pretty obvious that no matter who won, we would all lose for having watched. So does anyone deserve to win at this point? Sure. As I said last week, I have a weird feeling it’s going to be a two-woman finale because that’s the combination we haven’t had yet, and I think Trump wants to have a female winner to prove he’s not a chauvinist (Gene Simmons notwithstanding). If that is indeed the case, I am predicting Tana and Kendra. In each person’s case, below, I will make a prediction on their future. It’ll be fun to see how badly I do a couple months from now.

Magna:

Craig: Last season, one of Jen’s (many) negatives is that she was only project manager once before the finals. It was seen as her being afraid to step up. While you couldn’t have seen last season’s show before this one taped, it’s pretty obvious that Trump isn’t going to appreciate someone who doesn’t want to lead.

Prediction: Your first chance at Project Manager (which I’m guessing will happen the next time we see a new episode) will be an unmitigated disaster. You’ll be domineering and condescending, yet give no actual instructions and do no actual work. We’re talking Elizabeth-style disaster here.

Tana: A lot of people loved your little jive talking demonstration, but I thought it made you look really stupid. The celebrities could have easily laughed AT you or, worse, been horribly offended, thinking you were making fun of them. The fact that, apparently, they thought it was endearing that you were making an effort to talk “on their level,” was to your advantage. You were loose, and you had fun. And you’ve got the charm to sell them on it, which is a huge asset. As Trump said, you were out of your element and did a great job, by utilizing your strengths as a salesperson. Although I don’t necessarily agree with the label, having them flash “MILF” on the screen during the auction was downright hilarious.

Prediction: As I said before, I think you will make the final two due to your charm and personality. We haven’t seen your hard-edged business side, which is why I think you won’t win, but unlike certain other finalists from previous seasons, at least you will have deserved to be there. I’d hire you as VP of Sales in a split second.

Bren and Alex: You guys must have done a good job on the production, because we barely saw you this week. That’s not a bad thing!

Bren’s Prediction: I like you a lot, and would love to work with you, but you have a tendency to say the wrong thing. One of your ideas is going to rub Carolyn the wrong way, and you’ll be dead as fried chicken.

Alex’ Prediction: If a male makes it to the finals, it will be you. But I see you as this season’s Kevin or Troy, the one fired (possibly in the next to last episode) for an incredibly asinine reason like “You have too much education” or “You have too much legal experience” or some such nonsense. In reality, you’ll be fired to give Trump the two-women final and first female winner that you KNOW he’s dying for.

Kendra: Great job getting rid of your two weakest links in Erin and Stephanie. It’s telling that you worked with Erin in the previous task, and then chose her to go.

After six weeks of hiding in the background, you’ve really come on the last couple weeks. Sort of the anti-John. You did a number of positive things in this task. First, you started off with the group on negotiation, then left it in Tana’s capable hands when it was obvious she had it under control. Personally, I love a manager that is hands-on enough to make sure that things get done, yet still hands-OFF enough that the employees actually have a chance to do their jobs. You let Tana and Craig do the negotiating, but still had them run ideas by you so that you knew what was going on.

Prediction: If you haven’t figured it out, I’m predicting you as the first female winner of The Apprentice. Anyone who needs to ask why hasn’t been watching the last couple weeks.