The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 11: American Idiots

First off, make sure to check out the Apprentice Cruise that we’re advertising on the top of most of our pages. It looks like a fantastic time, and I was thinking about going before I realized – considering some of the contestants who will be there, I’d either have to go under an assumed name or fear for my life the entire time.

Don’t let that stop you though. Make sure you tell ‘em that RNO sent you. And make sure you tell Bradford that he got screwed.

I also got a tremendous email from a reader named Christine, asking me a lot of questions (that I will be indirectly answering in the column) and mentioning a few things I hadn’t considered. Think of Christine as my Carolyn this week.

What about that horrible voice-over from Trump, trying to cover up for the idiots at Domino’s who threw away a golden opportunity to sell meatball pizzas? I don’t care how great the cheeseburger pizza is, not taking advantage of AN HOUR OF FREE ADVERTISING was stupidity beyond belief. ESPECIALLY considering that there’s very little difference between a meatball and a hamburger. At least that’s the sort of thing my mom used to tell me when I refused to eat meat loaf. No amount of voiceovers about “listening to customers” will change that. Just goes to show why I’m a Pizza Hut man, even if they continue to put Jessica Simpson on my TV.

As for this week’s challenge, I rank it right up there with painting graffiti on a wall. Wearable tech? Is this an innovation the world really needed? It’s like green ketchup – it’s filling a need that doesn’t exist. Hey, you want to easily carry your iPod around with you and keep your hands free? THEY’RE CALLED POCKETS. They’ve been around for years.

Magna:

Kendra: Christine made a great point here. You really didn’t begin to shine until you teamed up with Tana. The ideas I give you so much credit for might just be given to you by Tana. But you also have the edge because (as Christine said) you look the part more than Tana.

The true test is how you react to Craig this coming week. Will you freak like Audrey, or will you keep your cool?

Craig: I think I’ve figured you out. Every time you act condescending, it’s toward a female. First Audrey, then Kendra. You’ve been sneaky (some might say weaselly) about it, never doing it in a hostile manner and never toward the Project Manager. Eventually you’re going to pull something in front of Carolyn, and you’ll be taking a nice taxi ride.

Bren: I like you a lot, but every time I see you, it’s more in the capacity of assistant than leader. You can get things done, but just don’t have what it takes to lead. I give you all the credit in the world for paying attention and being able to name the cell phone as the most important piece of tech. I wonder if Craig would have been able to pull that one out.

You also had my favorite item of the week, the kangaroo pouch for the GameBoy. Encouraging kids to goof off ALWAYS means profit. I just wish you would have handled the disaster at the silk-screen place better.

Tana: I feel more and more confident in picking you to make the finals every week. You’ve got a certain charm that makes people WANT to work hard for you. That’s a very valuable asset for a manager to have. You’re friendly, yet you can still give orders when need be. I’ve yet to see a killer instinct, though, which I hope you show when we get to the final task. Plus, as Christine mentioned, you don’t exactly look or dress like an executive. It doesn’t matter? Trump has fired people for a lot less.

Awesome job with the market research, and also with educating your teammates about it. I loved the logo and Wearable Tech gimmick, even though I thought the sweatshirt looked better without a logo. You were able to take bad product and elevate yourself past it. The idea and presentation was so sound, I doubt the American Eagle execs would have even noticed a little bit of paint (although I’m fairly certain they would have noticed the backwards logo).

Net Worth:

I would have asked one question in the boardroom: whose idea was that idiotic “laptop on the back” shirt? Fired. Bye. No more questions.

Alex: People are wondering why Trump calls you a superstar. It’s easy – the show we see is completely different than the one that plays out in Trump’s mind. Remember when he called Amy a star because she kept getting chosen in the “drafts”? Mind you, she hadn’t actually DONE anything to deserve it, but since in the five minutes that he saw her every week, people wanted her on their team, he assumed she was good. Just like he assumed the men’s team was bad because they lost every week. He threatened to fire them all! And who made the finals? Two men.