America's Next Top Model 4, Episode 8: Eight Feet Under

Brittany is the first to go, and she is sloth. Are you kidding me? She should be lust, it would be another day in her life! Jay tells her to think model and not freak show. She says it’s creepy, and Jay actually gives her some advice. She quickly does her shoot, and Michelle is in the back talking about how confident she is. Michelle is pride and is glad that she gets to be what she now is. She would have done badly with that before, but now it’s easier. Jay says that she was great on the last shoot, but this time she doesn’t know what to do. Then he says she looks like a beauty queen on acid – which isn’t a compliment. Kahlen is now in the backroom crying, with Christina right there to help her again. She says that this is just another test for her.

Tatiana is getting ready for her shoot and she is greed. She’s finding it hard to conform to greed, since she’s not greedy. Jay tells her not to look like a clown, which I’m sure is always a good thing. Christina is lust and says that she thinks she is beautiful, but not in this great ultra sexy way. Aww, yes you are Christina. Naima is envy and her wardrobe is just this sheer green thing. She looks amazing though, and Jay loves her shots. In comes Keenyah, who is gluttony. She basically has to lay on bacon fat and raw salad. Jay says that she is looking a bit too campy, and that he’s seen better drag queens. Kahlen is the last girl to go, and says she isn’t thinking about it. She is wrath, and Jay tells her to be angry. Kahlen says she always tries to control her emotions, so it was hard for her to be mad, but she is glad she stuck it out though, since she wants to stay in the competition.

Back at the loft, Kahlen is exhausted, and says that Christina has been helping her, and is probably the sweetest girl there. Tyra mail says that the judges will see them tomorrow, and someone is going home. Michelle says that she did her best, while Tatiana is hoping that her past shoots carry her, but she’s not super confident. Kahlen says it will probably be her.

The girls walk into the judging room. Of course, Tyra tells them of the prizes and introduces the judges, including this week’s guest judge, Johann Wolf, their photographer from the last shoot. Tyra says that sometimes being in the spotlight is good, and other times it’s bad. For their challenge this week, they will be at a mock press conference for ANTM’s new clothing line, and the panel will be the judges, asking them things that are true and not true. They want to know the gossip. Michelle is first, and they get her to tell them she is bisexual. Naima talks about being a vegetarian, while Kahlen smiles about her weave. Keenyah reenacts a nose picking incident, while Tatiana laughs and talks about her relationship with an older man. Brittany is all over the place, as usual, while Christina promises to donate money to IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Janice wants to know about the ANTM diaper, and poor Christina is just so confused.

The girls come walking back in for individual evaluations. Christina is first, and they tell her when she talks she is too “business.” They look at her shot, and Tyra tells her to be sexier, then makes her work a pole in the room. I’ve officially seen it all. Naima was too rehearsed, but they think her shot is to die for. Keenyah had the judges get the best of her, and Nole’ says her shot is “piggy chic.” That’s bad. Brittany was better for just being a drunk, but her picture wasn’t very bad. Tatiana was boring, and some like her shot while others don’t. I actually like it. Kahlen was the sweetest, and they love her shot. She quickly tells Tyra about her friend, and she says they’ll talk about it later. They liked Michelle’s openness, but nobody likes her shot this week, and Michelle says she is still trying to figure out who she is. Time for advice from Janice. She says that she went though years of that, and she’s there now to snap the girls into reality.

Time for the judges to deliberate. Everyone feels that Brittany is a wild child, and wasn’t so great this week. Tatiana fell apart, and Janice says that she’ll make a good trophy wife some day. Everyone loves Naima, while Keenyah looks like a dead drag queen, says Nole’. Kahlen had a hard time, but brought it home. Michelle probably wants this the most of all the girls, but they aren’t sure if she could be booked as a model. Christina couldn’t convey lust, so Janice shows the other judges what lust is, by modeling it on Nigel. He looks oddly disgusted.

The girls walk back into the room. Tyra says that she has six photos for five girls. The first girl called, is Kahlen. Tyra tells her that she represents facing adversity, and that she admires her for that. Christina is called next, who is told it’s not about just being pretty, but she has to take it to the next level. Naima is called next, followed by Keenyah, who Tyra says represents the beautiful girl next door, but needs the extra “oomph.” Brittany is called next, and is told that she has all the personality, but when she gets nervous, she gets sloppy, and she needs to work on that.

Michelle and Tatiana step forward. Tyra says she only has one photo, and the girl not called must return to the loft and go home. She tells the girls that both of them are beautiful, and that they both take nice photos, but it’s not just about the look – it’s about how you speak and how you articulate yourself. It is? Then how did Adrianne win the first season? I adore the girl, but she doesn’t exactly speak so eloquently.

Tyra adds that you have to have the self esteem even when you want to crumble. However, one girl has more potential than the other – and that girl is Michelle, who is the last one called. She is crying, and goes to get her picture. She promises Tyra she’ll do better, while Tatiana is in the back, crying as well. She goes and hugs the other girls, saying that this competition has meant a lot to her, and she wishes she went further. She knows her pictures were good, but she can’t handle herself when she is nervous. She’s disappointed in herself, but will do better now with the thing she has learned on the show. Aww, good for her!

Next week, Michelle grows distant from the other girls, and they notice. Keenyah gets careless, with Brittany telling us Keenyah has gained 10 pounds since she’s been there, and the remaining girls pack their bags and head to an exotic location. I wonder if it’s Philly? It’s probably not. Anyway, here’s how I rank the girls right now:

1. Naima
2. Kahlen
3. Christina
4. Keenyah
5. Brittany
6. Michelle

Phil Kural is a recent graduate from Temple University, with a degree in journalism. You can reach him at pkural@gmail.com with any feedback that you may have.

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