The Casino, Episode 6: Get Your Act Together

This week’s episode of The Casino starts where last week’s left off. The Trashy Lingerie girls have just left the Golden Nugget. And it turns out that Tim isn’t happy about their act at all. He angrily asks Tom how he could possibly have thought that the Trashy Lingerie show could convey the feeling of class that they want to establish at the casino. Maybe Tom thought it would be okay because when he conveyed that concern to Tim, his exact words were, “Trashy girls – what’s not to like?” But who could remember his exact words? It’s not like there are cameras around to capture it, or fabulously talented writers watching the show and recapping it. Tom points out the same thing (well, not about the cameras and the recappers, but about how Tim approved the act), and Tim has no response to the cold glare of facts, and just sputters that he’d better find a great act for the showroom.

Tim explains to us that entertainment is key for a casino’s success. The gambling is pretty much the same from one casino to the next, but the right act will bring people in the door, and those people will stay to gamble, eat in the restaurants, and so forth. Tom is in charge of finding a great act for the Nugget. Tom says that they’re firming up their entertainment strategy, and for now, that means seeing lots of pitches.

The first pitch is for a show called The Fashionistas. John, the guy pitching it, shows them a DVD so they’ll know what it’s all about. I can’t say myself what the show was all about because the entire thing was blurred out on my TV… at least it was in the United States. My loyal Canadian readers told me last week that the lingerie model who flashed was not censored out in Canada. Those lucky Canadians get nudity on network TV and native son Matt Dusk! Anyway, at some point in the video, Tom notes that one girl has ripped another girl’s dress off, and foolishly trying to follow the story, asks if maybe she doesn’t approve of the style. Finally, John explains that he is John Sully, an adult video producer, and that he once made a name for himself with the Buttman movies. Perhaps you’ve heard of them, because John says they were “a big sensation in 1989.” Take a moment to weep for what an incredibly sad statement “a big sensation in 1989” is. Anyway, John believes in Fashionistas and says he’d be willing to take the financial risk for the show. Tim and Tom politely decline, saying it’s wrong for them, but thanks anyway.

My boyfriend Matt Dusk goes to see his nemesis, entertainment director and karaoke enthusiast Joe. Joe says that he wants Matt to hear from him first that they’re auditioning new acts for the showroom, that Matt’s name came up, but that they’ve decided Matt isn’t ready for it yet. I burn with indignation on my sweetie’s behalf, especially since Joe keeps teasing Matt with promises of the showroom. Matt handles it with dignity and asks if there’s anything he can do to improve. Joe tells him to stay the course. Matt says in an interview that he’s not happy with the news, but he knows he has to be patient.

Tommy introduces us to his friend Kevin. They’ve been working together as blackjack dealers for a few years, and Tommy thinks Kevin is just hilarious. He’s been telling him for ages he should do stand-up, and tonight, Kevin is finally going to give it a shot at an open mike night. Kevin’s act? It’s terrible. It really, really hurts to watch it. His jokes consist of him stammering out nervous lines, laughing loudly at them, then Tommy doing a rim shot on the drums. No, really – he’s literally doing rim shots. I guess that’s how we’re supposed to know it’s time to laugh. Among Kevin’s “jokes” are to make fun of Tommy’s shirt and say, “It must be laundry day.” And for the record, I’ve done stand-up before, and I know it’s not easy. But really, this is just painful.

Tommy says in an interview that it wasn’t the greatest act in the world, but that with practice, he’s confident Kevin can do better. He tells Kevin that when Chris Rock did his first act, he had a hard time, too. Kevin hopefully says, “Really?” and Tommy has to admit that he doesn’t really know, but that it’s probably true.

Elsewhere in the casino, Tony and Lloyd come barreling in, looking for the buffet. They do a comedy act together, heard the Nugget was looking for a new one, and want to check things out. They hit the buffet, and the woman who seats them has seen their act and thought they were great. They load up plates of food. And across the restaurant, who should be there but Tommy and Kevin. And I’ll just say, to get it out of the way, that this situation feels a little contrived – that they just so happened to run into each other. Can we move on? Kevin recognizes Tony and Lloyd because they once headlined at Caesar’s. Kevin says that since Tommy is his manager, he should go talk to them.

Tommy introduces himself and says that his friend Kevin is a big fan. He waves Kevin over to join them, which Kevin does… with his big white napkin still tucked into his collar. Oh, Kevin. Tommy tells the guys that he has “some juice” at the Nugget and offers to make some phone calls on their behalf in exchange for their mentoring Kevin. Tony and Lloyd give an unenthusiastic assent, then tell Tommy that when they audition, they have to have an audience. Their act doesn’t work without one. Everyone got that?

Tommy meets with Joe and asks if he’ll see Tony and Lloyd. Joe’s heard of them, so he’s willing to give them 15 minutes, but says that Tommy has to be in charge of setting the whole thing up. Tommy calls Tony to give him the good news, and Tony reminds him that there has to be an audience. Tommy stammers that should be no problem.