The Casino, Episode 7: Hustler

Fox warns us that this episode of The Casino deals with “adult sexuality.” Cool! I can’t help but wonder if, in part, those warning tags are a promotional tool.

Promoters Dennis and Roy meet Tim and Tom. They manage what they say is the “finest model network in the world.” Roy says that bringing his models into the casino is a great move because, “Models make the players stupid.” As he talks, Tim and Tom page through some magazines with pictures of the models. Many of the pictures are blurred out, hiding the Adult Sexuality of the women. Roy goes on to explain that when the women are there to entertain the gamblers, they play for longer. More importantly, he has a list of players – thousands of players – who follow the models from one casino to the next. Tim is very interested in getting his hands on that list.

Roy explains how the event works. First, the women dress up in skimpy little outfits and go bowling with the players. Then there’s a reception where they meet and mingle, followed by a bikini contest judged by the high rollers. After the bikini contest, the women will join the gamblers in the casino. The whole thing costs between $50,000 and $75,000. In an interview, Tim says that seemed pretty pricey, but he negotiated it such that the casino will only have to pay for the reception, not for the bowling event. I’m sure the bowling event is less expensive than the party, but far be it for me to put down Tim’s shrewd negotiating skills.

Enough of Tim and Tom – it’s time to see my boyfriend Matt Dusk at Zax. As usual, Matt is lovely, sounds great, and is playing to a near empty room. Matt finishes his song and gets almost no applause from the audience, so I clap extra loud for him from my couch. Good job, honey! In an interview, Matt reminds us that management has hinted that if he does well at Zax, they’ll let him perform in the showroom. But my Matt’s no fool, and he’s not buying it. Joe, the entertainment director, comes by and tells Matt that he’s doing a great job. Matt asks him again about the showroom, and Joe tells him that it could happen someday, and that Matt’s name is on the list. Is he first on the list, Matt asks? Joe dodges the question and scurries out of the room. Don’t tease my boyfriend, Joe.

Tim, Tom, and Maurice meet to discuss the fate of Tommy. They think he’d do a great job as a host. Really? Based on what? Based on the fact that he did an unimpressive job in his hosting internship? Or because he almost got fired recently for dealing blackjack to his girlfriend? Whatever – we’ll let this plot contrivance pass. Tommy joins the group, and they offer him a job as an entry level host. He’ll initially be responsible for meeting and greeting the high rollers. Tommy is thrilled.

He returns to the pit to deal blackjack. Zach, Tim and Tom’s assistant, congratulates him. Tommy is really smarmy in this conversation, and makes a point of saying Zach’s name about 400 times in eight seconds. Tommy’s evil supervisor Monique, naturally, isn’t so sure he’ll do a good job as host. Oooh, I hate it when I agree with Monique! Monique decides that her day won’t be complete until she takes Tommy down a peg, so she sidles up to him and asks him about his education. Tommy says that he’s in his fifth year of school, and explains that he’d be further along, but he got kicked out of junior college. Monique raises an eyebrow at that one, and Tommy says that the school was in Utah, like, enough said. He claims that he was partying like any other college student would, but because the school was in Utah, he was tossed out. Well, that makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

Monique asks him if he’s studying marketing. Tommy says that he’s not, and admits that he has no marketing experience at all. Monique smiles tightly, says she was just curious, and walks away. In an interview, Tommy says he thinks she’s up to something. She goes across the room to gossip about Tommy to some other Nugget employees and complains that he doesn’t deserve his new job. That’s apparently true, but Monique still needs a new hobby. Tommy notices her talking about him and complains about it to his dad, as all professionals do. John lays it on the line for him: “You’ve got one more day – what do you care?” Amen, John. Monique and one of the other dealers agree that Tommy is spoiled, and that it must be nice to get whatever you want.

Someone brings Tommy a congratulatory cake. He leans down, puts his face right in it, and takes a bite. Lovely. Monique looks disgusted and refuses someone’s offer of cake. Can’t say I blame her too much for that one. Tommy’s shift ends, and he happily ditches his dealer uniform and looks forward to the next chapter in his life.

My boyfriend Matt Dusk goes to visit Tim and Tom. He says in an interview that his new strategy is to get in on their inner circle as a means to getting to the showroom. Silly Matt. All you have to do is put on a skimpy little outfit and Tim and Tom will hire you for anything. Come to think of it, that’s a pretty brilliant idea. In another interview, Tom says that he knows what Matt is up to, and says that he just needs to pay his dues if he wants to move up. Tom jokes that he has a button on his desk that he pushes to make Matt sing. Matt plays along. Ooh, I want a button that makes Matt sing!

Tommy marches into his dad’s office, opens a drawer, and dumps some of his stuff inside. He says it’s his office too, now. Dee joins them and says that it’s true – they don’t have a work station for Tommy yet, so he and John will have to double up. John is not pleased. Tommy puts a golf club on the floor and says that it’ll divide their office in half – everything to one side of it is his. What, are they eight year old brothers? Why doesn’t he just make a masking tape line down the center and then give himself a cootie shot?

Tom asks Zach to get the player list from Roy. You know, the list Roy promised them of bazillions of high rollers? Roy says he gave the list to Dee, so Zach, sensing a hint of dishonestly, accompanies Roy to Dee’s office. Roy says that he’s confirmed between six and eight players, and hints that he might be able to score another big player. He says he’s got phone numbers for some high rollers. Zach wonders how Tim and Tom will react when Roy shows up with nothing but a list of phone numbers.

The models arrive, and of course, Tommy is there to greet them. Dee tells Tommy that since he’s working this event, he needs to be on his toes. Tommy says, “I’ll be on my back.” Shut up, Tommy. Try to be an adult – you’re at work. The women head to the bowling alley for the first event.

After the commercial, we get another warning of Adult Sexuality. Finally! The women bowl in their little outfits. Tommy meets Denny, a high roller. Denny asks, “Let me cut to the chase. Are you willing to have sex with your players to get people to come in?” Tommy says, “Dude, I’ll bend over right here.” Adult Sexuality! Avert your eyes! Denny clarifies that he meant would Tommy arrange for sex with the women. Yeahm, that’s not what you said, Denny, but we’ll let it go. Tommy laughs and doesn’t really answer the question. Tommy notes that the women are hanging with the high rollers, but since there aren’t too many of them, he figures his odds are good. Way to miss the point, Tommy. You’re not there to get laid; you’re there to make the high rollers happy and make money for the casino. If there aren’t enough players there, the event is worthless.