The Assistant, Episode 5 – A Camping we will Go!

Last week, on The Assistant, Andy was sick, but the show had to go on – so he had all his assistant hopefuls do the jobs that he would have done that day, like being interviewed, breaking up with his girlfriend, playing with his “little brother,” etc. Everyone seemed to do their hardest, but it was Mark that got clipped in the boardroom, when he failed to do an interview posing as Andy. Six contestants remain, who will win the car, the phone, and the right to be called The Assistant?!

As usual, we begin with seeing the kids sleeping in the garage on their cots. Andy says that they need a wedge up their cranny to wake them up, so he sets off the siren. Everyone goes running to Andy’s room as usual, and after they all get there, he tells Stefani that she is clipped because she was the last to get into his room. He just made up a rule that the last one in the room would be clipped. Oh no, not Stefani! I really liked her! She was pretty much the one I thought would win since she was never involved in all the drama! Stef tells the camera it’s her fault that she’s been eliminated, because she moved so Anna could get in the door first – it’s her nature to let people go in front of her. She also says that she’s a little shocked it happened, as we see her shed a tear. Geeze, I’m pretty teary eyed too – she was definitely a favorite. Andy says he liked Stefani, and clipping her was hard, but in HollyWEIRD, that’s what happens. When Stefani leaves the room, Andy tells the other five remaining assistants that since Nick & Jessica went camping on their show, he decided that they should do it too.

Anna is sitting in the garage with Stef, saying good bye. She says everyone was sad that she was clipped, except for Tanika. Sure enough, Tanika tells the camera that she didn’t even like Stefani, but felt a little bad that she was clipped. Stefani then tells the camera, “May the best bitch win.” Aww, I’m going to miss her. Andy tells the camera it’s time for fun, and fun needs to be put on the front burner, not the back one. Ugh, that’s my new favorite saying – well, after “cluster f&*k.”

A big cheese bus pulls up (that’s what I call those big yellow busses), and Andy has his assistants packing everything into it. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING – I even see a microwave! On the bus, he has them sing “The Wheels on the Bus go Round-and-Round” and it looks like good times. They even turn it into “Colin on the Bus Goes Hump-Hump-Hump” which is probably a story I don’t want to hear! Andy says it was fun for 15 minutes, but now he’s getting sick of it, and also getting sick to the stomach, which he thinks is from the fumes of the bus. He’s got a pounding headache, yells at the kids to shut up, and then says the fumes almost made him high, and he’s ready to have fun and for all the assistants to put smiles on their faces. This guy has issues, but I love it!

As they get to the campground, Anna remarks that it’s gorgeous. Andy demands that they build his tent so he can take a nap. The assistants do a good job, but realize that Andy won’t be “roughing it” because they see his coffeemaker and microwave there. Andy gets in his tent and relaxes. He even brought his tuxedo shoes! Time for a nature hike though, and Andy tells them that each rock he sees reminds him of a project he once did. Anna is definitely confused as Andy names off some of his flops in the past. Has this guy ever done anything successful? He tells the kids at the lake that they should take a “Big ol’ sip – but that can land you in rehab – twice.” Ha! I love how he’s making fun of his own problems. Then everyone runs around Andy and chants things, which Tanika loves because she’s part of a voodoo cult – I mean, used to be a cheerleader.

Melissa doesn’t seem to be inspired by any of this, but as they are in the middle of everything, Andy’s cell rings – it’s his agent. From what we can overhear, Andy loses a movie because it conflicts with this show. Andy refuses to have low spirits though, and takes the kids on a march, exclaiming how much they love Hollywood! As the kids prepare dinner, Andy tells them it’s time for another elimination – not one of them though – it’s a painful elimination. He’s talking about pooping. Everyone seems relieved. Andy returns to find that they made a fire without him, which makes him mad because he had a speech prepared and wanted to help. Melissa just thinks Andy is embarrassed about losing the part in the movie. Andy then burns a tray because that isn’t him “roughing it” and then realizes it may be an antique. Tanika decides to jump in the fire after the tray to save it from burning to ashes. Wow, Tanika really will do ANYTHING!.

It’s time for dinner now, and Andy says the hot dog he’s having tastes like a charcoaled ass. I’m not quite sure what that tastes like, so I’ll take his word for it. This trip, Andy says, was designed to peel back the veil and see everyone for who they really are, and that night, there will be a show. He likes shows because they get the kids out of his hair for a while. Colin complains that in the show, he has to be a girl, but he really doesn’t care. Anna says she had fun during the show, and it looked like Andy did too. As he goes off to pee, he comes back wearing a VERY obviously fake bear outfit. Melissa, and some of the others act scared, and Andy gets mad because he knew they were aware it was a fake bear. However, he admires Colin for not getting scared and trying to impress him. Andy is just upset that everyone is so fake, and demands to have S’mores.