Road Rules X-treme, Episode 11: Worst Castmate Ever

Previously, on Road Rules: We'd barely gotten used to Kina leaving when the Roadies had to go and blow another mission -- this time, because Ibis couldn't quite keep from falling on her ass. Rather than sacrifice the unpopular Nick, Ibis chose to leave herself, feeling that since she lost, it was her responsibility. And with her departure, I officially no longer care about any of these people.

This week, Angela is plopped between Derrick and Patrick in a cab, as she voice-overs that she has had "many tears" over wanting to go home, but now she feels like she's being accepted into the group. "Everyone seems fascinated by a new person, and they're actually welcoming me." She is starting to have a good time.

Angela and Patrick dance close at one of many indistinguishable clubs. Jodi notes that Angela is always very flirty with Patrick, even though she has a boyfriend. Jodi thinks it's part of her nature. Jodi would know, having done her share of alcohol-tinged flirting. Angela describes Patrick as being "very pretty to look at. He's a nice guy, the popular one. It is very easy to be friends with him because he knows people so well." Huh.

Angela notes that when The New Girl arrives, the Roadies will consist of half new people, half old people. She hopes The New Girl will be someone "older," who can relate to her level. What about Jodi, who is also 22? You may have a job, but she had her entire large intestine removed. Top that!

That night, the Roadies get a clue to meet at the Piazzolla at 9:00 the next morning. They freak out, because this is the day they will also be meeting the new person. That means they could be doing a mission with someone they haven't even gotten to know yet. Patrick hopes that The New Girl is athletic and likes to win.

At 9 am the next day, the MMs introduce Jillian, who comes out into the open, rolling a large suitcase behind her. Jillian tells us that she is 18, from Florida, and is a triathlete. And happily, her curly hair sets her apart from Jodi and Angela. Yeah, Jillian! I like you already.

Patrick rushes forward to shake her hand. In confessional, he remarks, "Jillian has a banging ass, banging face. She's pretty much banging altogether." Words that make you think. Jodi remarks that Jillian looks "really, really cute," and hopes she can relate, in spite of the age difference, while Angela is pissed at having to live with someone "younger" than her sister.

Jillian tells us that she is definitely open to hooking up on the trip. "I haven't gotten any in quite some time, so I'm a little cranky." O-kay. Forget what I said about the wise choices Bunim-Murray have made casting the replacements -- this girl is so not Ibis. I take back the liking part.

The Roadies are instructed to go into a tango theatre, where they watch two people demonstrate the tango on the stage. They laugh with appreciation, but surely they'll do more than just tango; they wonder what the catch will be. The catch is that once you're done, you have to walk dogs to the cemetery where Eva Peron is buried, hop in a cab, drive for miles, chase cattle, and the first pair to finish gets to be on The Amazing Race. Famewhoring on network television! Whoo!

The Roadies pair up -- Jodi with Nick, Angela with Derrick, and Patrick (naturally) with Jillian. As they learn the tango for themselves, Patrick states that he feels the sexual tension with his partner. Patrick can also feel sexual tension with a pylon, don't you know. Nothing's too inanimate for Patrick pulsing maleness. As the Roadies dance, they wonder what the next catch will be. What will make the mission EXTREME? They are then instructed to tango in a taped-off square... and now they know it's intense! Once they have finished, the Roadies are instructed to change into Argentine tango outfits and go to a new location to put on a "big show."

Meanwhile, Angela fumes that she finally has a friendship with everyone, and now this "little sexpot" comes into play.

As Angela snits to him about Jillian, the fog temporarily clears in Patrick's head, and he manages to behave like the grown-up for about five minutes. He tells Angela that the world doesn't revolve around her, that she's not so much more mature than everyone else just because she has a job. Why doesn't Angela treat the situation as "Here's a new person, I'm going to get to know her"? Wise words, Patrick. If only you could have followed them when Nick first arrived.

The Roadies go to a location outdoors in the middle of the city, where a platform is raised 100 feet above ground. The Roadies will tango on that platform as the lead Roadie is blindfolded. They must perform all of the tango moves and are graded on time and style, 120 being the maximum for each. The goal is to get 450 points to win the mission.

Angela and Derrick go first; Angela is petrified the entire time and barely moves... and they wind up with 120 points for time, but only 5 for style. Nick and Jodi are next -- Angela thinks that Nick and Jodi's moves are "robotic" and hopes Patrick and Jillian will make up the difference in style. Even so, they wind up with 120 points for time, and 40 for style. That's 35 more than you, Angela dear, in case that didn't register.

The MMs gently inform the Roadies that Patrick and Jillian will practically have to burn down the platform with their smoldering chemistry in order to earn enough points to win the mission. That is, if the laser beams shooting from Angela's eyes don't do it for them. Angela snits that they could easily fail, and she's wondering why she agreed to be on these missions, because they're creepy.

So Patrick and Jillian do their best to burn... with Patrick twice coming perilously close to stepping off the edge. Still, Jillian isn't scared, because she feels "safe" in Patrick's arms. Until the next new female Roadie joins the group, that is. Jillian and Patrick get 120 points for time and 50 points for style, painting the mission a success. Well, success for all but Angela, who had probably already called the cab and booked her flight home.

Later, she whines to Jodi that Jillian is so immature and her voice is annoying, and now the guys are "googly-eyed," and the group energy has totally changed! You can tell Jodi is fighting every urge to bite her head off. Just give her a chance, she mumbles. The energy changes with each new person. Later, in private, Jodi remarks that Angela likes having attention, especially from the guys, and now that Jillian is here, it has vanished.

Jillian and Patrick get hotter and steamier as time wears on. Patrick is "the total package," says Jillian, and she can't resist him. Their mutual heat leads them curl up together in bed and have sex... the first night. The other Roadies are a little wigged out, but no one is more pissed off than Angela, who can't believe that they would cross the line like that. She's no longer 99% sure she hates Jillian -- she's 200% sure! Angela extends this hatred to the rest of her fellow Roadies and wants to go home, now! Simmer down, girl. Yes, Jillian's got to be the stupidest person ever to think that her fellow Roadies would warm to her after she's... um, warmed to one of them. And my disgust with Patrick has already been well discussed. But what did Jodi, Derrick, and Nick do? They're as helpless to stop the animal lust as you are.

Next week: Jillian tells us that Angela is really pissed that she and Patrick have hooked up. Speaking in confessional, Derrick tells Angela, "Quit your bitching, and if you really don't like it, take your ass home. Because if no one's gonna say anything, I will." And for once, Derrick manages to not sound like an asshole.

In Angela's defense, I will say that she's finally added some spice to the show. It was getting boring, having all of the Roadies like and support one another.

Kara doesn't care if you agree with her. She considers herself to be a contrarian, which means she's technically not allowed to agree with anyone. You can reach her at kara_wild@dslextreme.com, or visit her website, The Contrarian's Corner.