He’s a Lady, Episode 4: A Nice Day for a White Wedding

We can’t say we weren’t warned: tonight’s very first teaser shows us that at some point in the next hour, Cree/Carmen will implode. I’ll be looking forward to it; how about you?

The episode begins with an observation by Albert that now it’s just the five of them, the house seems very quiet. Treasure the silence, Albert; it’s about to become just a faded memory.

This week’s challenge will involve a wedding, the fellows are told. And sure enough, arriving at the Dollhouse is the adorably betrothed couple, Cecilia and Lionel. “Help me with my wedding,” Cecilia implores the guys. Uhm, okay…who are you again, and why are you doing this?

For one thing, they’re probably friends of the producers, and for another, this is America: anybody worth their salt wants to be on TV. To think otherwise would be unpatriotic.

Far less jaded than I am, David/Wynona is truly touched by Cecilia’s request for help. Cree/Carmen, who recently got married, seems to be into the experience (for the moment), and Donnell proudly tells us that marriage is his greatest accomplishment.

So it’s with a good deal of confidence that the men dress up in drag, and meet Bride-to-be Cecilia at the dress shop, where they oooh and ahhh at her choice of gowns. (Mr. S says, “I have one word for you all – taffeta!” I really don’t understand this comment, since my own wedding dress didn’t have a stitch of taffeta, but I digress. Perhaps Mr. S was married in a former life to a woman wearing taffeta. Or perhaps he just likes saying the word “taffeta.” It doesn’t matter to me – I keep an open mind about these things.)

At the dress shop, Raven and Alberta try to be helpful by picking out necklaces and earrings for the bride. With all the ladies gathered ‘round her, Cecilia asks them, “Will you be my bridesmaids?”

The ladies are truly surprised and honored, and immediately agree. Since they are (conveniently) already at the dress shop, the get fitted for their bridesmaids gowns.

But Cree smells a rat. Or at least an uncomfortable set-up. Or a challenge to his notions of the sanctity of marriage. Or a combination of all three. This just doesn’t sit well with him at all. What type of person would want strange men as her bridesmaids?

I’m not sure, but the type can’t be too unlike the sort of person who would appear in drag on a reality show. Differentiating between the two could be described as splitting hairs.

Next up, everyone skips off to the flower shop, where the ladies learn to make wrist corsages and boutonnieres for the big event. Everyone seems to be having a grand time, except Carmen, who is being distant. Wynona tells us she’s looking forward to being part of the wedding. And, here’s my weekly proclamation: I love Wynona. I want her to win. Go, Wynona, go! We return you to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

Now it seems Cecila wants even more from the ladies than their bridesmaid services. The budding Bridezilla asks, “Can I have my bridal shower at your house?” Good Lord, is there no end to what this girl wants from the guys? What, can they bake the wedding cake for you, too? How about dashing off a few thank you notes while they’re at it?

But because they are easygoing and cooperative bridesmaids, the guys spend the next few hours decorating the Dollhouse for Cecilia’s shower, and listening to Cree, who has decided, “they’re making fun of us!” Well, yeah, they are. I’m amazed this just occurs to you now, and not when your chest was waxed in episode one for our enjoyment.

Cree goes on to whine that marriage is sacred, and shouldn’t be made fun of. When the others in the house fail to see what the big deal is, Cree accuses them of not being as “deep” as he is. Donnell tries to get Cree to understand that his own marriage is not threatened just because a woman wants them to be her bridesmaids, but Cree is having none of that. In fact, Cree uses the word “whoring” (with the implication that Cecilia is the one guilty of this crime.). Marriage is much too sacred to be treated this way. Whyyyyyyy can’t the other guys understaaaaaand that?

The whole argument takes on shades of the gay marriage debate. No matter how hard David and Donnell try to be voices of reason, Cree stubbornly refuses to listen, backing himself further and further into a corner made all the more ridiculous by his own participation on this show.

Albert and Michael stay out of the discussion, busying themselves with tossing around crepe paper.

When Cecilia and her friends arrive for the shower, Cecilia takes Carmen/Cree aside and assures him that she takes marriage very seriously. She loves Lionel and sincerely wants the “ladies” to be part of her big day. Carmen, sitting with his knees apart (“God, close your damn legs!” Mr. S shouts at the TV), nods and vows to be the “best damn bridesmaid ever,” having finally learned to put it all in perspective.

Mr. S comments, “What a guy. Not.”

The bridal shower is a huge, honkin’ success. Games are played, food is served, and the ladies are totally into all of it. Cecilia and her girlfriends have made the ladies feel part of the sisterhood, and every guy is having a blast being on the inside of this most feminine of rituals. David/Wynona describes it all as “mind-blowing – girls are so much more fun than guys.” Cree notes that Cecilia truly appreciated all the ladies did for her.

Once the party is over, the guys do not take Cree’s change of heart that well (“Flip-flopper!” accuses Mr. S). Donnell tells the diary cam that he wants Cree out of the house, like, yesterday, okay?

And finally, the big day has arrived. Dressed in a lilac satin gown, Albert tells us he expects the guests to “freak” when they see the bridesmaids walking down the aisle. And sure enough, they do. As Wynona makes her way down, she notes that the groomsmen are counting off, to discover the unlucky guy that’s paired with her.

As usual, Wynona handles these indignities with grace and good humor, brushing off the insults. She even gets misty during the ceremony, overcome with the day’s emotion. Cree interviews that as Carmen, he had a different take on the situation than he thought he would, and the celebration was “very nice.”

After the ceremony, the groomsmen walk the “ladies” back up the aisle, to the giggling of the many young folk in attendance. I don’t remember seeing any parents or grandparents there, but then again, I so was overwhelmed with the entire scene that I might have missed a thing or two.

At the reception, everyone gets up to dance, including the ladies. They have a fine time showing off their feminine dance moves. Raven especially gets into it, as Donnell explains he finds dancing “an interpretive thing.” But wouldn’t you know, host Tony Frassrand shows up and ruins the party mood by immediately announcing the next challenge.