My Big, Fat, Obnoxious Boss, Episode 3: That’s Fascinating

Before we get to the recap, I want to thank the many soap opera fans out there who wrote to tell me that the BFOB's wife, "Lynn," played a recurring role on Days of Our Lives for two years (she stole Hope's baby), worked on The Young and the Restless, and had a pretty big role on General Hospital. Guess none of the contestants are daytime drama fans, 'cause no one recognized her. Me, either. Way to go, guys! Anyone seen the rest of the cast before? Write and tell me and I'll pass it on.

Also, we've had some good guesses as to who the "Boss" really is. One RNO'er thinks it's Steve, the Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. Another thinks it's Mark Burnett. I'm still holding to the monkey or the trained chicken ideas put forth before. Keep those guesses coming! In the meantime, let's get on with it, shall we?

First, the obligatory recap of the recap: "Welcome to my world." "This is Excalibur." The groups sell hot soup in July in Chicago. The women lose, get sent to the boardroom, and Christy gets sent home. Good times...

This week starts with breakfast at the penthouse. It's Day 7. Kerry, who I am sure is aiming to be BFOB's second trophy wife, tells us she survived the boardroom and is now team boss for the next task. She takes that as a compliment. "I think Mr. Todd has a lot of respect for me now. I now have learned what Mr. Todd likes and I will definitely take that into account before we go in next time to the boardroom." She is wrapped in a towel and ironing what appears to be a see-through white blouse. "I think he's seem some of my strong talents and I want to show him more." Think I'm off base about her moving in on "Lynn"'s man now?

The elevator opens and one of BFOB's minions enters with notes for Rob and Kerry, the two team bosses. Kerry's says that she and two teammates will join N. Paul Todd (NPT) on his yacht, yachting attire suggested. Kerry has no idea what yachting attire is. Rob's letter informs him that he and two teammates will join NPT for a round of golf and Harborside International Golf Course. Rob sighs. He's not happy.

Rob chooses Michael (Goatee Guy) and David the CPA to join him. David practices putting, saying, "This is big." GG is talking the golf opportunity over with Damian (Omen II) who insists it's a great reward, though GG looks uneasy. He hopes he has time to ask NPT questions about how he got started and about his background. David is still trying to putt and failing miserably. However, despite his lousy golf game, he, too, is looking forward to talking to NPT one on one and asking him some business and personal questions.

The girls head to the yacht in a limo. Whitney explains that NPT will spend the first half of the afternoon with the ladies and latter part golfing with the men. Whitney also can't wait to find out how NPT got to where he is and wants to start formulating strategy. "Not only are you competing for attention, but you are competing for the position." Thanks for 'splaining that. William August (WA), the actor playing NPT, explains that the yacht and golf outings were the contestants' second "executive privilege."

He welcomes the women to his world. Kerry responds with, "Ahoy, mate," which I am sure was an intentional slip of the tongue (pun intended). WA explains the con involved in this outing. "Little did they realize this entire 'quality time' experience had been engineered to reveal a rather unsettling side of their new boss." NPT smiles at the women and raises his eyebrows suggestively. The group toasts one another with champagne. David and "Danielle," NPT's bratty daughter, are there, too. WA notes that the women were getting pretty comfortable on the yacht, "which they didn't know was rented for the occasion." The producers decide that NPT should offer the women a "token of his appreciation." Danielle brings out three gold gift bags containing... bikinis. The ladies' smiles turn to frowns almost instantaneously.

Kerry, wanna-be-wife-number-2, states she didn't want to read too far into the gift. Sure you did. I should note that Kerry is harder to understand than Charo. Articulate, woman! NPT is grinning, hands behind his head. The women are looking at their swimsuits, at each other, and at NPT. No one says anything. Kerry seems to sense that getting revealing swimwear from a potential employer might not be a good thing. "My wheels started turning and I'm thinking, okay, wait a minute. This is probably inappropriate." She's a sharp one, isn't she? I pick her to go all the way. (Pun intended. Again.) NPT asks the women if they want to join him in the Jacuzzi. Again, the women say nothing and stare first at NPT and then at each other.

Kerry, who is unsure if the situation is inappropriate or not, decides to let mob mentality make her moral choices for her. "You ladies want to?" Elli states she "might sit this one out." NPT looks at her and looks unpleased. Oh, E, you are so fired this week! Elli explains the concept that Kerry is struggling to understand. "It's a job interview. I'm not jumping into a bikini for a job interview!" No, she'll just go on national television with an inflatable penis (see my earlier recap for details). Whitney is not so conflicted. She and Kerry, who also b--h-slapped the better angels of her nature, are in their bikinis and sizing up their, uh, assets. Whitney declares she's the "biggest" woman there. Kerry is offended. I'm appalled. And surprised, as Elli emerges at that moment, dressed in her bikini. Guess she got over her moral dilemma as well. Maybe she'll survive to be conned another week.

WA is likewise surprised that all three women changed into the swimsuits. He has changed into a suit and goes to meet the women as Elli's moral compass swings again. She decides to change out of the suit. "He kind of skeeves me out." Okay, so it wasn't the immorality of it all, it was how NPT looked in his swim trunks? Got it. Meanwhile, the men have arrived at the golf course. It's 3:00PM, and the men are told they have a 4 o'clock tee time with NPT and can use the driving range while they wait. David admits he's not a great "golf player," but would love some one-on-one time with NPT. Rob notes the common belief that 80% of business is conducted on the golf course. He swings and he misses the ball by a mile.