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Surreal Life 4: A Previewby Mel Ellis -- 01/06/2005
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VH1 seems to be jumping in with both feet into the reality TV pool. They've even coined a term for it: celebreality. The three offerings this season are Celebrity Fit Club, being covered by the inestimable Mike DeGeorge, as well as Surreal Life 4and Strange Love, for which you are stuck with yours truly. So what does Surreal Life have to offer this time around?
We have an even more interesting mixture than last season. Moving into Glen Campbell's mansion in the Hollywood Hills are Christopher Knight, aka Peter Brady; Adrianne Curry, the first America's Next Top Model; Joanie Laurer, aka Chynna, of WWE fame; rap star Da Brat; model and Pamela Anderson boy toy Markus Schenkenburg; Mini-Me Verne Troyer; and former Go-Go, Jane Weidlin.
The short preview video on the VH1 website shows WWE's Chynna showing up in a white fur hat, long white coat, and wearing nothing but white lingerie. As she reaches for Christopher Knight (Peter Brady)'s pants, he declares, "now I know who this is." Really? Do tell. Da Brat notes that Chynna looked like Chewbacca when she arrived. Jane Wiedlin (Go-Go's), who seems to have a Minnie Mouse voice I never expected, goes skinny dipping with Adrianne Curry (America's First Next Top Model), while Chris watches. Adrianne tells us she will never pass up an opportunity to skinny dip with a Go-Go, what she claims was a "lot of people's dreams at one time." Well, not me, anyway.
Chris admits that he and Markus (Schenkenburg) watched, and he notes that Adrianne doesn't mind being naked. "It's obvious she lives her life being naked with a few moments punctuated by having clothes on." Must be why rumors have them dating... Chris tells Verne about the women's skinny dipping and we see Verne (Troyer, Mini Me) on his Hoveround coming to join the men in watching the women, but he's too late. He offers to show his boobs if Adrianne will show hers, and Chris declares that Verne will be a lot of fun as a "little prankster." Adrianne offers her bare behind instead, and Verne returns the favor. Thankfully, both were blurred, although I thought I heard Jane Weidlin call Verne's backside "cute." Chris toasts Verne and his power over women "and their clothes."
Verne also seems to have a strong connection to libations as well, enough so that Markus declares the group is worried. We see Verne repeatedly pushing and prodding Chris while he tries to talk to the group the night of the skinny dipping, prompting Chris to remark, "This will be a challenging couple of weeks." Soon after, Verne loses his balance and almost falls off the bench they're on. Chris rights him, but notes that Verne had this "really strange look in his eye." Verne then falls into a loud, snoring sleep on Chris's arm, and Chris carries him inside and puts him to bed. Verne starts reaching for imaginary things and Adrianne declares him "out of this world. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so drunk." He apologizes over and over to Adrianne, who reassures him and puts a bottle of water in bed with him, just in case.
Verne starts moaning "all right" over and over and over and over. Adrianne admits it made her a little nervous. She terms the moaning "orgasmic." I was worried he was having a seizure. His screaming and moaning wakes up rap musician (musician? rap?), Da Brat. The women are looking in Verne's room as Chris starts to take Verne's clothes off. Verne stops screaming and starts tugging on Chris's shirt. Chris asks, "What do you want?" Verne says nothing, but he does start caressing Chris's face. Chris beats a hasty retreat after reassuring Verne is all right. "He became the weirdest person I ever had the chance to... father." Da Brat calls the house the "twilight zone," "a nuthouse," and declares the two weeks will be "the longest two weeks of my life."
Don't forget that Surreal 4 starts Sunday Jan. 9, 9/8c PM.
Mel Ellis knows what it's like to struggle with fame, having had one line in the high school play and made a short commercial at age 14. Despite this early harbinger of fame, Mel chucked it away to be an attorney. Mel can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org with comments, criticisms, or offers for Surreal Life 5.
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