Real World Philadelphia, Episode 20: Blame it on Fiji

The gang are still in Fiji and there seems to be something in the air! Everyone is cliff-diving, and Landon is promising Shavonda he won't let anything happen to her. What is that twinkle in his eyes? Shavonda is suddenly buoyed and makes the leap. She says Landon makes her feel so comfortable. What is that twinkle in her eyes? Didn't she say Landon skeeves her out four or five episodes ago?

Now she is dancing with Landon. Mel says Shavonda and Landon have grown close. Verrrry close. Sarah agrees with me that something is in the air. Now, on to sandboarding (isn't it amazing what bored people can create?). Landon takes several turns and everyone seems to enjoy themselves. On to the beach. Sarah decides to go topless. MJ decides he'll go topless too, so she won't feel all alone in her nakedness. What a guy.

Landon complains that his butt is very white. He contemplates going bottomless. As he takes one more dip in the oh so gorgeous waters of Fiji, Shavonda (I'll try to say this without sarcasm) says she notices suddenly, with his new tan and all, that Landon has a very nice body. (That sound you hear is 2 million women barking "oh please!") Landon emerges from the water and drops the board shorts. Shavonda makes a show out of how white it is (even through the blur, he's almost transparent), and demands oil, immediately! While we are spared the sight of Shavonda oiling Landon's behind, she tells us somewhat petulantly, "He has a nice butt. That's why I did it."

Good times.

Back in the room, a game of truth or dare has broken out (Melanie is nowhere to be found. She can't be at her favorite bar... what's with this girl?). Sarah asks for inches. Ahem. Karamo has to put someone's dirty drawers over his head. This game is brutal. Landon has to drop trough, drawers and all. He does. Karamo and Willie appear impressed. Landon dares Shavonda (who is damn near fellating a bottle of beer) to make out with him for 30 seconds. She'd do that for less than a pretty-please! Karamo says there is "lust among my roommates." And he, for one, is "disgusted."

On a bus, to somewhere, Sarah tells Landon he's a good kisser, Landon says she is too. Things we didn't see during truth or dare? Shavonda asks if she's a good kisser. Landon gives a high affirmative on that, good buddy. "You've got those full lips!" he says, eyes twinkling so brightly he should pass out sunglasses. Shavonda seems quite content with the assessment. Landon tells us he never considered dating outside his race before, then one day Shavonda said black girls can be attracted to white guys and he thought 'really?' (There's being raised on a farm, and then there's being raised under a rock!) As Shavonda indulges in mindless conversation with Landon and MJ, Karamo grouses to Sarah that they are getting on his nerves.

Sarah's utterly strange and editing-damning response is, "I don't get the 'acting black' and 'acting white thing,'" Whah? Hey, Real World, could you have given us a little more in between on that conversation? Karamo stiffly replies it's not about that, it's recognizing your culture, "you're a grown damn woman." Karamo told us he had this problem with Shavonda, but two episodes ago, he said he'd reconsidered it!

They are on a pleasure boat of some sort and decide to jump into the ocean. Shavonda is not so sure about that. Fear of large bodies of water. She's not the only one. Karamo seems a bit skittish, saying, "Jumping head first between two white men, that's just how I wanted to die!" (What's with him?) But, Shavonda says she wants to confront her fears, so the roomies decide to jump in together. Karamo encourages her with, "Come on negro woman!" (I hope she gives him a family-sized chunk of her mind...) They jump in, and everyone survives. Yay.

Suddenly, “the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed.” Back to the shore. That storm came in quickly! By the time they get to the island, it's dark! Where's Shavonda, asks Sarah. Outside with Landon. Making out like it expires tomorrow.

Next morning, the rains have gone. Shavonda goes sunbathing on a raft with Sarah and Willie. Oh look! Landon and MJ have arrived on kayaks! Shavonda says boys will be boys and she knows Landon wanted to see her topless (which she was... which he did). She says she tried to play it cool... (or you could put your top on) but, oh well.

Time for the farewell dinner. As Shavonda gets dressed, Landon watches her, as many boyfriends do. He says it reminds him of the feelings he had when he was last in love. At dinner, Landon says he thinks the trip has brought everyone closer. Under his breath Karamo says he doesn't agree. MJ hears him, and asks why. Karamo says he has a problem with Landon and Shavonda. MJ asks why, because she's black? (Yes.) No, Karamo says, it's because she has a boyfriend. (Yeah, sure.) MJ says he sees it as thus: "He wants p***y, she wants comfort." Karamo says they agree on that. But, they feel quite differently about it obviously.

Later, MJ poses the question, if they were lost on a desert island, what roles would they play (basically, who sleeps with who to save mankind)? Mel says Willie. Sarah says Karamo and Willie because she would want the world to remain multi-racial (and she likes trying to convert gay guys). Karamo says he would "slit Landon's throat so I would be the only alpha male to procreate with Shavonda."

Whoa. Any questions?

Landon is visibly rocked by that answer. To us, he says he's trying to put it out of his head since it's such a great night. He asks Shavonda if she wants to dance. She does. They do. Then they head back to his room. Turn down the shades, roll back the covers, out go the lights... uh-huh, mm-hmm.

Meanwhile, back at dinner. Mel and Sarah realize they've been ditched, and stagger back to the rooms, leaving Karamo staring off into the distance. What could be on his mind? The next morning, the roomies gently prod for information, did they or didn't they? Shavonda tells us "something did happen... I'll let Landon tell you what." Nice. They went all the way. That kind of answer falls juuust shy of a confession! Then talk turns to Karamo's strange throat-slitting comment. They all find it weird. MJ says Karamo is like an intentional mood-killer. You can always count on him to say something completely off-base.

To us, Karamo says he doesn't really care about Landon and Shavonda, "She slutted herself out, I just feel bad for Shawn." Shavonda says "kissing" (nudge-nudge) would be wrong if she were committed to someone else, but she isn't, so she has nothing to feel bad about. (Note: she and Shawn broke up, and then started talking on the phone again, but we never got word that they actually got back together...)

This is going to come to a head in a major, major way. Will Karamo just come out and admit that he has a problem with interracial dating? Will Shavonda tell him to kiss her whole and entire ass? Will Dark Landon reappear and turn this show into Freddie vs Jason? Stay Tuned.

Sting7 has been a respected published writer for 16 years, as a music editor, entertainment critic, columnist, and interviewer. He also has a curious love for pro-wrestling! You can email Stinger at stingseven@yahoo.com.

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