Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes 2, Episode 17: It's Over

In the week leading to the finale, I tried to psyche myself up. I really did. I imagined implausible scenarios, most of which involved Eric tripping on his jump rope. I drew a parallel to Mark's "sacrifice" along with the time he didn't take the hit on Extreme Dodgeball. In the other three Challenges I recapped, there were exciting finales. For a hardcore cynic, I sure do get my hopes up.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes 2: Thirty-six former cast members from Real World and Road Rules waged a war of gender supremacy. In real life, the United Nations would have stepped in months ago. Last week, Mark gave himself up in order to ensure that Arissa - a weak player - would remain on the girls' team. The ladies sent Tina home, which was yet another questionable decision on their part. But since it was Sophia who was staying, I didn't mind that much. The final mission is nigh, with $180,000 on the line. Dan figures his side has a solid chance to win. Arissa feels she has the mental strength, Coral has the physical strength, and Sophia has the brain power. Alrighty, then.

Over at the Men's Lounge, Dan and Theo cram for a possible test, going over who left after each mission. Dan figures that running would be better for them. Theo adds that Arissa would shut down from fatigue. "Who knows?" Theo drawls. "Maybe Coral might get bit by a spider. Maybe Coral will get bitten by Arissa." Dan laughs, as we cut to Arissa munching on a sandwich. "How crazy would that be? Arissa's really a spider!" Am I the only one who doesn't get a kick hearing jokes about Coral almost dying? Theo interviews that as far as he's concerned, the money is his to win, and the women will have to work to take it.

At the Women's Lounge, Sophia announces that her parents are excited for her. Aw... remember how scared she was to come out to them during her original season? Coral applies some makeup, wondering what they'll be doing in the final mission. Sophia figures they'll run between stations. Coral interviews that her team has lost all but three missions, but they'll pull it together in the end. "Anything that cane be done will be done," she continues. "Hopefully, we'll be able to pull a win when in counts."

Back at the Men's Lounge, Theo reads the sponsor clue: final dinner is at 8 p.m., dress formal. Eric: "I don't even have a corsage." He then rocks in the rocking chair. Sometimes, he makes the snarking too easy.

It's dinner time! Eric has totally misheard the "formal" part of the clue, opting for a tank top. On the bright side, he's wearing the rope around his neck like a tie. I hate him. I hate Mark for keeping him here. Anyway, Old Man Real World makes a toast, saying that he and Coral have had their differences, but they can hug at the end and squash their problems. Dan tells Sophia that he sees an "incredible heart" within her, and he loves that. Were Sophia to swap preferences, may Dan be on her short list. He praises Theo's "unparalleled mind" and calls him his best friend. I'm not sure if Dan means in Santa Fe or overall. Coral says that she's blessed to have spent five weeks with Arissa, because she doesn't have many friends. No way!

The kids clink their glasses. Naturally, this is an opportune moment for Jonny to burst through a door, with a goon squad in tow. How I wish to be making this up, but I'm not. Jonny is dressed in black, as is his posse. "It's those six!" he shouts. "Right there!" The goons waste little time in busting up the table and sending the silverware flying. Coral interviews that she was about to bite into steak, and now she has no clue what's going on. The camera zooms in on the debris and a half-eaten steak.

The goons yell at the kids some more, getting their hands on the pool table, on their knees with their heads down. Dan: "Looks like the mission started a little early." Either that, or Jonny is doing this just for kicks. One goon sasses out the players and chews on some leftover steak. Whatever.

After commercials, the goons yell for the players to get up, but not to look up. By the way, it's 10:17 p.m. The kids march single file outside. Goon: "Welcome to hell." Dude, have you tried recapping the same crap week in and week out? You haven't? Well, shut up, then.

Night Vision! The kids are now in a dark room. Jonny declares that the final mission has begun. The players will remain in the room until he talks to them again. Everybody is under surveillance; any attempts to escape will result in disqualification. Time: 11:43 p.m. Sophia interviews that they have mats, cots and glow sticks. She adds, "What the hell? I thought we made it to the end. We're supposed to be rewarded, not punished!" By the way, night vision lens plus Coral wearing just a bra equals a cheap thrill for the fans. Dan sorts through some clothes. Arissa tells us that they have crackers, water, and "ugly-ass army clothes." Eric and Dan figure that Jonny will come back in the morning. Cut to 3:18 a.m., and the kids trying to get some sleep.

It's 6 a.m. Jonny pops in to blow his air horn, and the goons scream for the players to get up. Impressively, Dan just pops right up in attention. Everybody is herded out of the room and up the stairs. Coral interviews that she looks foul, having gotten little sleep. The kids get sent into some big-wheeled vehicles.

En route to their final mission, they receive information from Jonny on Escape From Santa Fe. Seriously, if you were on the Santa Fe Chamber of Commerce, would you allow this? Secondly, Jonny is laying out the rules on computer screen, while a sponsor video game plays behind him. At this point, the International Olympic Committee should be swooping in to swipe Jonny's 1998 gold medal on general principle. It seems that Jonny is the new Roadmaster. For anybody who never watched RR: Maximum Velocity Tour, that's not a compliment. Anyway, the players will be transported by plane to the drop zone. When they get there, they must retrieve a locator and use it to navigate through a three mile course through the desert, towards the next rendezvous point. Along the way, they must collect three keys. The mission will end with a mental challenge. The first team that completes the mission will not only get that sweet $180,000 (not referred to as a "Handsome Reward," I'm afraid), but also receives a trip for two around the round, valued at $45,000. Total prize package: $225,000.