The Apprentice 3, Episode 3: Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

Before we start this week’s recap, I have news for all of you Apprentice fans: there are plans in place for a second edition of The Apprentice starring Martha Stewart. I think this has the potential to be, as Martha might say, “a good thing.” Like Donald Trump, Martha Stewart is a smart, savvy, charismatic business person whom a lot of people in business admire (other than the prison part, of course). She has high standards and will undoubtedly be tough on people who don’t meet them. I am concerned that two Apprentice shows will dilute what’s already a good product, but I’m optimistic that the addition of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart will be a positive. For more details, check out my article on the news.

In the suite, Danny is playing the guitar and singing, apparently serenading a bed full of dirty laundry. He says in an interview that he’s glad Verna is still part of the team and is optimistic about Magna’s chances for future events. Everyone is getting along, so he sees only good things ahead. It’s funny when reality TV contestants tempt the Gods of Foreshadowing, isn’t it?

Net Worth, minus Brian, returns to the suite, buzzing with what happened in the boardroom. “Wait ‘til you hear this story,” one of them tells Magna. They explain that Brian didn’t even get a chance to bring two people into the boardroom – Trump fired him right then and there. And, what’s more, as Audrey puts it, “He’s an idiot,” for telling Trump he deserved to be fired. Tara jokes that Brian turned Trump’s famous cobra strike “you’re fired” gesture on himself, then has to tell Michael that he didn’t literally do that. Michael says in an interview that the message was clear: “Trump doesn’t screw around.” And you never know what to expect in the boardroom. Hey, is that more foreshadowing? We’ll have to wait and see.

Danny goes to check on Verna, who is curled up on her bed. He says that she looks a little run down. Verna says that she has inner strength, but that she still doesn’t feel well. A concerned Danny decides to rally the rest of the team together in support of Verna. He tells Verna in front of the group that they all understand if she isn’t feeling well, and that if she needs to take the next task off, so be it. In an interview, Erin says, in essence, “Speak for yourself, guitar boy.” Okay, those weren’t her exact words. Her exact words were, “This clearly isn’t The Apprentice; this is clearly kindergarten.” It’s hard to get her exact words, though, because I am distracted by the fact that her sweater seems to be decorated with a dead rodent of some kind on her shoulders. I wonder if Erin can beat out Paris Hilton in the Worst Dressed category for the 2005 Hall of Shame awards.

Back to the show. Erin asks what the rest of the team is probably wondering: if Verna sits out a task and they lose, then what happens? Danny tries to protest the question – they won’t lose! Erin insists, and Verna doesn’t seem to want to give a straight answer. In an interview, Michael says he doesn’t think there’s really anything wrong with Verna – she looks fine. But Verna says, “I’ve been resting all day long. I don’t think it’s going to get better.” She apologizes to the group and says she thinks she should go. She hugs everyone goodbye, and with that, Verna is gone. Bren says in an interview that he thinks Danny is really the only one disappointed that Verna quit. After all, you have to have a burning desire to win, and obviously, Verna didn’t have it. Michael thinks it’s lousy for the team that Verna left. She just must not be used to a fast-paced environment, he reasons. As the rest of the team prepares dinner, Verna wheels her suitcase out of the suite and off of our TV’s. Bye, Verna. See you at the reunion show.

With that, it’s time for the Trump Lesson of the Week. This week’s lesson: “Lead With Authority.” Trump says that a great leader must think independently and cannot lead by consensus. And hey, in the group of people Trump is talking business to is none other than Bill Rancic. Hi, Bill!

The next morning, Danny calls Rhona and tells her that Verna quit. She agrees to pass the message on to Trump and sends the candidates to Times Square. When everyone arrives there, Trump says that he told them all the challenges would be tough, and that, “Verna couldn’t hack it.” He gives everyone else a chance to quit, and of course no one does. On to the task! The candidates have a budget of $75,000 to come up with a marketing campaign for Nescafe’s Taster’s Choice coffee. Whichever team creates the most buzz (pun apparently not intended) wins.

Magna gets to work, and Bren nominates Danny for project manager, since he has marketing experience and is creative. Everyone agrees, and they start brainstorming. Michael says that everyone loves the “European lifestyle,” and suggests that they use European models, give away Vespas, and so forth. I could be wrong, but I always thought that the European lifestyle in part involved not drinking crappy instant coffee, but then again, I am a coffee snob. Stephanie thinks Michael’s ideas are silly, and that he’s just taking advantage of the fact that, as last week’s project manager, he’s exempt from being fired. Erin tells Michael that his idea of having hot models “alienates women.” Whatever, Erin. Danny is annoyed with Michael’s antics and says, “Eventually, he’s gone.”

And now, for a moment’s digression. Regular readers of my recaps (hello, you gorgeous, intelligent people) may recall that during Season 2’s ice cream challenge, I was pregnant. Watching the candidates make ice cream unleashed some unholy cravings in me. Well, now my son is six weeks old, and I have replaced sleep with coffee. Watching this episode has made me crave it even more than I ordinarily would. I’m willing to bet Jack will make the cravings even stronger by waking me up several times tonight after I stay up to write this recap. And if this digression didn’t make sense to you, we can blame the aforementioned sleep deprivation! In conclusion, mmm, coffee!