The Apprentice 3, Episode 4: Vegetable Porno

The candidates are having their usual discussion about who is about to get fired. Angie asks Magna if Trump told Danny that Michael’s exemption was at risk. They say no, and in an interview, Angie says she thinks they’re total idiots. She shakes her head and says that maybe the college graduates aren’t so smart after all. In this case, she certainly has a point. Erin sees it a different way. She thinks that their argument about Michael’s lack of integrity will sway Trump, and that Michael will be fired.

Of course, we all know how that turned out. Michael and Stephanie return to the suite. Bren is not happy. In an interview, he says that Michael has no character, and that his paternal side wants to discipline him. He tells Michael that his laziness on the task was a disappointment to all of them. Ooh, it’s the worst parent lecture you can get – the I’m Not Mad At You, I’m Just Disappointed. That’s a tough one. Michael must be feeling it, because he apologizes to his team. In an interview, he says that he needed to be readjusted, and that’s what happened to him. Alex says in an interview that Michael just got a stay of execution, and if he doesn’t make some serious changes, Michael will be fired.

The next morning, Tana answers the Trump Phone and learns that Trump will be delivering the task via video conference. In an interview, Bren says that it’s very important for Magna to win this task. If they lose, it’ll be three out of four, which will look bad indeed for the college graduates. On the video conference, Trump tells the candidates that they’ll be working with Donny Deutsch, who we know from challenges in Season 1 and Season 2. They’ll handle the advertising for the launch of a new product from Dove, Cool Moisture. The team that produces the ad that Deutsch likes best will win.

Audrey is very excited to meet Deutsch. The two teams head to the agency, where Donny is talking to George and Carolyn. Carolyn says that this is a good group of candidates, a statement that seem to be contradicted by the stupid hat that Tara is wearing. Deutsch tells the candidates that they need to produce something better than a standard commercial, more like a 30 second movie. He wants something that will wow him, that will show the refreshment of the product.

Erin says that she’s excited about the task even though no one on Magna really has any advertising experience. But she figured what the heck, she’d volunteer to be project manager. As the rest of the team sniffs the body wash, Erin asks for ideas. Bren suggests that they show a female chef showing a young male chef how to wash his cucumber. That would be a literal cucumber, you dirty minded little monkeys. At the end of his shift, she’ll hand him a bottle of body wash, only to watch him walk out with one of the male waiters.

Kendra is surprised that the very red state Bren came up with such an idea. Erin loves it. Michael, on the other hand, thinks that a gay-themed ad is not such a good concept. Erin disagrees, saying that Will and Grace features gay characters, and it’s a very popular show. Man, NBC must have loved her for that. Michael argues that Dove won’t like the concept. Meanwhile, George is watching all of this. In an interview, he says that he thinks Magna is headed down the wrong path. Or, worse, “I don’t think they’re on a path.” Finally, Michael sees that he’s outvoted and decides to embrace the plan. In an interview, he says, “Let’s make this vegetable porno the best vegetable porno we can make – with a gay twist!”

Immediately, I turn to my husband and say, “I’m definitely going to title my recap ‘Vegetable Porno,’ because nothing can beat that.” And lo and behold, as soon as I check my email after the episode aired, I had an email from esteemed RNO Editor David Bloomberg suggesting that as the title. David said that if I had a better idea for a title that I could feel free to ignore him, but I think I know better than to ignore the boss man. After all, if I get on his bad side, he’ll boot me out of the sweet corner office I have here at the Reality News Online offices and will make me share a cubicle with new writers Jenn and Mel. The cubicle that’s between the microwave and the copier – you know that’s the worst spot in any office. Or worse yet, he could do something really horrible like make me recap The Casino. The horrors!

Net Worth needs to choose a project manager. Kristen says that her boyfriend is a director, so she’s used to being on sets. They quickly put her in charge, based on that incredibly specious logic. My husband is a social worker, and I’ve been to his office several times, but I don’t think that means you want me to try to get Medicaid for your kid. Audrey also thinks the reasoning is flawed. “Her boyfriend may be a director,” says Audrey, “but my God, it doesn’t make you one.” Audrey throws out an idea for the ad and Kristen immediately dismisses it, which makes Audrey mad.

My favorite candidate/boyfriend John has an idea. They could show a guy running a marathon, hot, sweaty, and exhausted. He stops at a water station and throws the cup of water over his face. Then, at the next station, he’ll grab a bottle of body wash and rub it on himself. Then he’ll rinse off at the next water station. After using the Dove body wash, he’ll be totally refreshed, look fabulous, and win the race. Craig riffs along with him, adding to the concept. Everyone thinks it’s a great idea (including me). John says in an interview that he thinks the best ads are the ones that use humor to get your attention. His goal is to make Donny Deutsch laugh.

Magna is hard at work on their vegetable porno. Michael, Kendra, and Stephanie will pull together the props while Alex, Erin, and Bren choose the models for the cast. Erin has a great time going through the model cards to find the hot waiter boyfriend for the male chef.

At Net Worth, Kristen says that she has a tendency to want to do all of the work herself because that way she’ll know it was done right. Still, she’s willing to send John and Craig elsewhere to put together the music for the commercial. John tells Craig that he hopes Kristen can pull off the joke.

Magna has a problem, which Kendra tells us about in an interview. The actors showed up at the studio at 4:00, but the sets aren’t going to be ready until 6:30 or so. When she, Stephanie, and Michael arrive at the studio, the actors are none too pleased to have been waiting around for hours. The actress, in particular, is really mad and says she’s thinking about leaving. Stephanie apologizes to her, but isn’t having much luck at smoothing things over. The actress asks her who is in charge of supervising the cast. That would be Erin, and Stephanie puts the actress on the phone with her. Erin offers an apology that doesn’t sound very sincere. The actress says she’s 90% in favor of leaving. Erin looks helpless as we go to commercial.