The Apprentice 3, Episode 5: Trailer Trashed

After a tense boardroom, Chris makes himself a cocktail. Wow, the bar in the suite looks very nicely stocked. Everyone is amazed at how “combative” Audrey was. Stephanie says in an interview that she hopes if someone on her team gets fired that it be Michael. He has shown no initiative and isn’t loyal. Erin, Bren, Michael, Audrey, and Tana return – Kristen is gone. Angie is thrilled – she thought Kristen would destroy Audrey, but the opposite happened. My favorite candidate/boyfriend John is wearing an awesome cowboy shirt, a fact that isn’t relevant here, but that bears mentioning. Audrey says that all Kristen did was attack her. She gives a profanity-laden speech about how there’s no way anyone can say she didn’t pull her weight in the task. In an interview, Audrey says that if anyone crosses her, they’re through.

Elsewhere in the suite, Magna cheers surviving the boardroom. Michael says that Trump winked at him, and “He likes me.” Lest we think we’ve interrupted an eighth grade crush, Michael tells us in an interview that the only difference between himself and Trump is money. After all, both of them love Eastern European women. No wonder the two of them are so hard to tell apart! Erin puts it very simply: “Michael’s a jackass and he’s nothing like Donald Trump.” Erin may have horrific taste in clothes, and I’m burning to trim her bangs, but the girl gives good sound bites.

The next morning, Angie answers the Trump Phone and dutifully writes down that they should meet at Trump World Tower at 8:30. The candidates arrive there, and all heads turn towards Trump as to the sun as he arrives. Oh, no! Carolyn is away on business and will be replaced by Jill. We’ll all miss Carolyn, especially after she won Breakout Star and Best Judge in the RNO Best of 2004 Awards. Trump tells the candidates that he expects them to make up for their poor performances last week. This week’s task is to create a mobile business. Each team will get a 28 foot Airstream trailer and access to Airstream technicians to redesign the trailers. He hands Bren and Audrey each a Visa card with $5,000 in seed money to start a service business, which could be “almost anything.” I guess “almost” means no drugs or whores. The team with the most money wins, and this time, no one is exempt.

At Net Worth, Tana volunteers to be project manager because she wants to demonstrate her leadership abilities. Tara suggests that they go see the trailer so they can decide what kind of business to offer. Everyone likes the idea, so off they go. Tana says that the college grads are “pencil necked geeks” who go by the book. She’s confident Net Worth will win the task.

Bren, representing the pencil-necked geeks, suggests that maybe Trump gave him the card because he wants him to be in charge, but regardless, he’d like to volunteer to lead. Everyone is fine with that. He starts throwing out ideas, including a mobile internet café, or maybe something focused on kids. No one likes the ideas, but no one has a better idea either. Bren says that his team’s biggest weakness is a lack of creativity and a tendency to overanalyze everything. Someone suggests mobile massages, which seems like a good idea to me. Stephanie, showing the overanalyzing, says that she’s seen those at the mall and has never seen anyone use them. Bren tells her very clearly to tell him now why she thinks it’s a bad idea, rather than to let it fail and then complain about it in the boardroom. Well put, Bren. Stephanie says she doesn’t think the average person gets massages. In an interview Alex says that Stephanie is consistently negative. Everyone but Stephanie likes the massage idea, so it wins. The team researches competitors on the internet, looking for someone to hire to do the work. Stephanie immediately nay says the plan, asking why a competitor would help them. Well, probably because Magna would pay them, and also because their business is only going to be there for a day. The team ends up hiring a woman named Marie to help them out.

Alex, Bren, and Kendra go to see the trailer while Michael, Erin, and Stephanie are in charge of finding a location and handling marketing. Michael suggests that they name the business “Massage A Go Go,” like the Whiskey A Go Go. Erin hates the idea and tells him, “You’re a pig a go go.” I’m not sure why it’s such a horrible idea, other than the fact that Michael thought of it. Erin tells us, “Michael is the laziest man in show business.” All he does is throw out dumb ideas and defend them. To illustrate her point, we see Michael saying what a good name it would have been.

Time for the Trump Lesson of the Week. This week: “Instinct.” Trump says that he makes the best deals when he uses his instincts. And now for your bonus Betsy Lesson of the Week. I find that when I go shopping, if I park my car in roughly the same place, it’s much easier to find it when I’m done. I’m not saying I go nuts trying to get the exact same parking place, more that I know that when I leave Target, I should go to the aisle to the left, by the tree.

Net Worth checks out their trailer, and they love it. The team brainstorms ideas. Lunchtime speed dating? Pampering services? Tara suggests hiring a casting director and having actors come to meet her. Angie immediately loves the idea. She says that she used to be an actress. If they hire a casting director and give actors three minutes with her, they’ll have lines of people. Tana says it’s a risky idea, but that Trump wants them to think “outside the box.” Somewhere in St. Louis, Mike DeGeorge screams at yet another person talking about the damned box.

Angie starts cold-calling casting directors, but she isn’t having much luck. John says that her conversation is very muddled. One agent tells Angie that she doesn’t understand what she’s trying to do and actually hangs up on her. John interviews that Angie will be “either the hero or the goat,” depending on if they win or lose, since she guaranteed she’d be able to secure a casting agent.

Alex, Bren, and Kendra check out their trailer and meet Marie, the woman they’ve hired. Bren says they’re more than glad to use Marie’s expertise, and when she suggests they add other services, he quickly agrees. She thinks they need a fun name, and they choose City Spa On the Move.