The Ashlee Simpson Show, Episode 5: No Rest for the Ashlee

I caught the first episode of Ashlee the other day - I hadn’t seen it before I started recapping - and it cleared some stuff up for me. First of all, the reason Ashlee is always with Lauren and Stephanie is because the three of them live together. Second of all, Curly, who I thought was from Ashlee’s label, is her second friend named Stephanie. She’s Ashlee’s friend and assistant. So, to distinguish between the two Stephanies, I’ll call the one formerly known as Curly Steph, and the other one Stephanie.

Anyway. Previously on Ashlee: Ashlee, Lauren, and Stephanie’s house wasn’t done. Ashlee considered adding members to her band. She did some radio interviews and couldn’t escape from the SNL fiasco.

Ashlee is still busy, busy, busy. She’s working on her upcoming show, she’s in a movie, and she has to make her Grammy picks. She wants to choose Gretchen Wilson, since Gretchen was so nice to her in the second episode. She also wants to pick Willie Nelson, because she’d love to see him win. She wonders if she’s on the list and Steph tells her that everyone who’s released an album in the past year is on the list.

Ashlee talks about Wannabeand complains that when she’s not needed on the set, she’s in her trailer, bored. Ryan’s here, though, so she has someone to hang out with. Steph asks if she wants to play MASH. Many hours of my childhood were spent playing that game. For those who haven’t heard of it, MASH is a game mostly played by preteen girls. You write down a bunch of options for your future - how many kids you’ll have, who you’ll marry, where you’ll live, what you’ll do, what you’ll drive, etc. Then, based on a random number, you start counting through the list and crossing things off. Whatever you wind up with is your “future.”

Ryan and Steph help Ashlee make her list; Ryan suggests that she put down “bull-milker” as a future job. Even if it were possible, I don’t think you’d want to milk a bull. For those who are curious, Ashlee’s future involves living in a shack with Jude Law, milking cows, driving a motorcycle, and having three kids. Possibly interesting trivia: Jude Law was the host the night of the infamous SNL debacle.

Ashlee does an interview with MTV News. She talks about her movie and Ryan. She says that they’re best friends, but they don’t talk about their relationship. Back at the trailer, Ryan wants to leave, but Ashlee gets him to stay, because she doesn’t have anyone else to hang out with. Ryan says that he’ll teach her a song on the guitar, but they having tuning issues. He gives her a piggyback ride instead. Dude, get a TV in there or something.

Ashlee gets a visit from Wannabe’s director, Meiert Avis. Yes, I had to look that up. Ashlee, stop mumbling! She says that Meiert is a cool guy; he’ll come and hang out in her trailer and go over lines with her. Meiert has directed a bunch of videos for Bruce Springsteen and U2, so I’ll agree that he’s a cool guy. Ashlee shoots a scene in a car, driving down Sunset Boulevard. We don’t actually see the scene, so I can’t tell you how good an actress she is. I guess you’ll have to watch 7th Heaven reruns to find out. Ashlee says that the experience is great and she considers it downtime. She gets to take the focus off of her music and put it on acting.

While getting made up, Ashlee complains that when she or Ryan goes on the road, their relationship goes south. She says that she told him if he’s too busy for a girlfriend, maybe he shouldn’t have one. She wants him to call her when he has a few minutes off, since they’re both busy and she doesn’t expect him to talk for an hour.

Ashlee is doing a show for AOL Music Live. It’s her first hour-long show that she’s headlining, and it’ll be good practice for her tour. Steph tells her that people will be watching on their computers from home; they might be naked, and it would be okay. That’s kind of a twist on the “picture the audience in their underwear” adage. Ashlee does some interviews, then her show. I like when she does shows. I don’t have to do too much work.

After the show, Ryan calls while Ashlee is in the car. He puts her on hold and, after a minute of waiting, she hangs up. I don’t blame her. Ryan calls back later and she tells him that she was annoyed to be put on hold.

Ashlee has a day off, so she does some radio interviews. One DJ tells her how much Ryan loves her. After an interview, Ashlee tells Steph that she doesn’t want to talk about the SNL thing, but she’ll look like a jerk if she doesn’t. She wants to know what happened as much as everyone else does. “Why me?” she laughs.

Ashlee takes a few minutes between interviews and calls Ryan. She tells him that she wanted to prove that he can work and be a good boyfriend. She then does some international interviews, where she gets asked a bunch of weird questions. The one that makes her thinks is, “Have you ever held a live fish?” She says that she should. The same guy asks her if she likes sneezing. Once the interview is over, Steph asks what the guy asked and Ashlee tells her. Steph says that she loves sneezing. I think most people are neutral on the sneezing issue.

Joe calls and gives Ashlee the news that she’s not nominated for a Grammy. Ashlee tells him that being a good artist doesn’t mean you have to be nominated. No, but it helps. She tells Steph, who asks if Jessica got a nomination; she didn’t. Ashlee and Steph hold a funny fake Grammy ceremony. Steph calls the fake award the Stephie. Later, Tina arrives and brings Ashlee an award that looks like a plastic plate of nachos. Steph says that Ashlee can put it next to the Stephie. The award, which is from Taco Bell, is to cheer Ashlee up after the SNL fiasco. She also gets a ten dollar gift certificate to Taco Bell.

Ashlee heads to Las Vegas for the Billboard Awards. They cram more things into these episodes. Ashlee is nominated for Best New Female Artist alongside Ciara, Gretchen Wilson, and JoJo. Tina tells her that this award is about the numbers, whereas the Grammys are about a committee. Nick is there, but he only makes an appearance for a couple of seconds. They need more cute guys on this show. Ryan just doesn’t do it for me. Steph looks at the TRL standings on her Sidekick and tells Ashlee that “La La” is at number eight. Tina adds that her record sales are up 169%. And she was worried about her career being over after SNL. There’s some discussion of Ashlee appearing somewhere with Gwen Stefani and the Blackeyed Peas, but I’m not clear on what that was about.

Ryan calls Ashlee, and I think she said he was in the shower. I can’t decide if that’s flattering or insulting. Ashlee says that it takes effort to make their relationship work. She goes to the Billboard Awards and tells all of the reporters that it’s exciting. She thinks award shows are fun. The Best New Female Artist is announced, and it’s… Ashlee! (Hey, I didn’t pay attention to them, so I was surprised.) Onstage, she does the “Texas Jig.” She gives some interviews and has some photos taken. She says that it was nice to end her year like this.

Next week: It’s Christmastime. Ashlee and Ryan are doing some Jingle Ball shows. Ashlee and her friends are followed by a guy with a camera and one of the Stephanies decides to call the police.

Jenn Brasler is an aspiring writer from Falls Church, VA. You can e-mail her at luckyjenn@hotmail.com . She’s trying to decide whether to use her powers for good… or evil.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! For more news about The Ashlee Simpson Show, be sure to check out SirLinksALot’s Ashlee Simpson Show page!