The Apprentice 3, Episode 9: The Box

It’s the beginning on an Apprentice episode, so you know what that means – all of the candidates are wondering who got fired. Everyone pretty well figures it won’t be Erin, though Trump did suggest she quit to become a VJ. Angie thinks it will probably be my ex-boyfriend John. Tana hears footsteps… who is coming back? Erin struts in first, followed by Chris, who does a little twirl and then finds himself tackle-hugged by Angie. Erin, wearing a green bathmat, says in an interview that she is excellent in the boardroom because she remains calm. She tells the other candidates about how Trump told her she wouldn’t get fired so long as she kept her mouth shut. Angie says in an interview that Erin is “a contender.” Amazingly, a little pop-up ad for The Contender does not appear on my screen. Angie thinks Erin is smart, good in the boardroom, and “It doesn’t hurt that every time you turn around you see her ass.”

Stephanie and Erin make really good looking ice cream sundaes and joke about Kendra’s gassiness. Interesting weakness on Kendra’s part. Will she be fired for it? Nah, probably not. Angie tells the kids to be nice, then says in an interview that she has indeed become an adopted mom to Chris, Stephanie, and Erin. If they’re not good, Momma Angie adds, “someone’s getting grounded.”

Craig gathers his team and says that he is the only person in the suite who has not yet been project manager, so he volunteers. He says he’s looking forward to it, then reads to them something he wrote called “The Company You Keep.” Among the things he reads is that it’s better to be alone than to be in the wrong company. Tana tries and fails in an interview to explain to us what exactly Craig was getting at. Hilarious. Finally, they all join hands and pray. Probably many of them are thinking, “Please, Lord, please grant me the wisdom to understand what the heck Craig is talking about.” Alex says in an interview that they support Craig because they like him, but that it’s hard to understand what he wants because he’s a poor communicator. Maybe if they could understand him, they’d like him less. Maybe what he’s trying to convey is really mean, and it’s just not coming across. It’s a theory.

The next morning, Tana answers the Trump Phone. What happened to Angie, our usual phone answerer? I’m left pondering this mystery as Rhona tells Tana that they should meet Trump at Trump Park Avenue. There, we see some fake executive patter between Trump and two executives from Home Depot. The candidates file in, wearing their Omarosa Manigault-Stallworht Memorial Hard Hats. This week’s task is to create a do it yourself clinic at Home Depot. They’ll be judged by the two execs, whose names are Jose and Christine. The criteria will be product involvement, customer involvement, and originality. The team with the best clinic wins. For leading the winning team last week, Kendra is exempt.

Angie immediately volunteers to be project manager because she considers Home Depot, “the happiest place on Earth.” Stephanie says she loves it too – not that she wants to be project manager, just that she’s excited and ready to work. Chris says they should look for something new, hip, and trendy that people want in their houses. Angie thinks maybe they should show how to install crown molding, and as she starts to explain why it’s a good idea, Erin interrupts to say that she doesn’t know anything about Home Depot and can’t help with the task. Angie says in an interview that she is not impressed with Erin’s defeatist attitude. The team decides to go to a store first before they choose a project. In an interview, Erin says, “As a former beauty queen, I know what a crown is, but I don’t know what crown molding is.” First of all, if you start a sentence with “As a former beauty queen,” you’re pretty much going to annoy me. Second of all, being gleefully ignorant about things is not cute.

Magna has the same idea, and also heads to Home Depot to brainstorm. Kendra suggests a clinic on how to put a mosaic on a table top. I like the idea, and the rest of the team does too – Tana suggests they could do mosaics on a cutting board, and Bren’s thinking on concrete benches. But Craig has another idea – a foot locker, and kids can participate also by helping decorate them. Tana doesn’t like the idea and doesn’t think it’s interesting or creative. Alex just thinks it’s boring. In an interview, he says, “Would you want to go to a clinic on making a box? That rocks, huh?”

Craig tells the team that the creativity comes in how they present it. Tana says that she’s not passionate about the idea. Besides, everybody has a box already. Craig lays it out – they’re doing the box thing, end of discussion. A frustrated Tana says she bets Angie has a better idea, so one of them will be fired.

It’s time for the Trump Lesson of the Week: Sell Your Ideas. You can have the greatest idea in the world, but if you can’t sell it, you won’t be successful. I’m pretty sure we’ve had this Trump lesson already. So here’s your brand-spanking new Betsy Lesson of the Week. If you’re baking, put a paper towel on the counter and measure your dry ingredients over it. When you level off the top of the measuring cup with your flour, sugar, or whatever, the excess will land on the paper towel and it’ll be easy to clean up.

Erin and Chris wander around Home Depot as Erin blathers about how she could design shoes or a line of clothing, but not something for the home. She notices a toilet seat for sale and proclaims it “gross.” Oh, please. She says that Home Depot is like a foreign country to her. Then she tells Chris that she does know how to replace a door knob. Chris looks at her and says flatly, “That’s what we should do then.” In that moment, I love Chris just a little bit. Yes, I think he’s an obnoxious hothead, but can you imagine how freaking annoying it would be to listen to Erin going on and on about how she doesn’t know how to use a hammer? He’s not going to be my new TV boyfriend, ut with those words, he shut her right up. Well done, Chris.