The Apprentice 4, Episode 4: Bitch Coat

Clay and team head for the costume consultation. Clay wants Ginnie to look like an Alaskan genie, to look edible, and have hair like ice cream and big breasts. She also should be wearing “lots of Dairy Queen bling.” The guys are a little taken aback when they realize that one of them will have to wear this sexy genie costume. Mark volunteers to do it. Clay says in an interview that he was surprised that Mark, a man’s man, would be willing to dress up in drag. Mark tells the designer, “Give me big boobs and a nice mask.” He says if he’s going to have breasts, they might as well be big.

Felisha specifies to the designer that she doesn’t want any logos on Zip. This is not going to go well. Felisha decides that this is the time for Toral to contribute to the team, so she asks her if she will wear the costume. Toral says, “I would prefer not to,” and literature geeks everywhere make their own “Bartleby the Scrivener” jokes here. Toral says in an interview that the character is childish, so she’s ignoring Felisha. Felisha asks Toral to step up to the plate, and Toral again refuses, but says she’d like to be part of the presentation. Kristi can’t believe Toral’s nerve and says, “I’m done with her.”

It’s time for the Trump Lesson of the Week. Trump says, “Maximize Potential.” Trump tells us that a good leader finds the talents of everyone on the team and maximizes them. Good advice, and for once it doesn’t seem to directly telegraph who is going to win this week. And now it’s time for the Betsy Lesson of the Week. This week, I learned that if you’re going to start an Apprentice drinking game in which you drink every time someone says “step up to the plate,” be sure to make a beer run before the show starts, or you will run out.

The rest of Excel is at Dairy Queen headquarters (or as I like to think of it, DQHQ) working on the rest of the campaign, a jingle in particular. My boyfriend Josh starts singing the jingle, and he is adorable. Randal comes up with some great lines, and Adam sings it perfectly. George is watching, and he says that they showed great teamwork, but writing a song is tricky.

While the guys at Excel are all smiles and high fives, tension is high at Capital Edge. Felisha rants about Toral, saying she will put on that costume because Felisha is her boss. She says again that Toral needs to step up. Toral repeats that she would prefer not to. Alla says that they just want to know why. Toral answers that her dressing as Zip would embarrass her family and her employer. It could be argued that going on a reality TV show in the first place is going to embarrass your family and employer. And has Toral never watched this show before? Dignity is not exactly a hallmark of things.

Alla asks if she puts on the costume, should she be embarrassed? And what else might be embarrassing? If they work a construction task, is Toral going to refuse to clean toilets because it’s beneath her? Toral says that’s different. In an interview, Toral says that if Trump asked Carolyn to wear a silly costume, Carolyn would tell him to take a hike. That’s a decent point, other than the fact that Toral’s job at this point dictates that she might have to wear a silly costume, whereas Carolyn’s does not. Kristi, as usual, is furious with Toral. Rebecca watches the whole thing and looks sad. She thinks the rest of the team has already made up their minds about Toral. Jennifer notices this and tells Rebecca not to feel badly for Toral.

Over at Excel, Clay asks James to pitch the campaign to him. Clay says their concept is too complicated. It really didn’t seem too complicated. Randal says in an interview that he could hardly believe it, but Clay scrapped all of their ideas. That’s pretty harsh. Markus starts to say something, but Clay commands him to not speak until he’s given permission. All of the other guys have been wanting Markus to shut up for weeks, but this is taking it a little far.

In an interview, my boyfriend Josh says that Clay is being a dictator, and that he is wearing his “bitch coat.” Up until this moment, this article was going to be called The Plate, in honor of the one everyone wants Toral to step up to, but how could it not be Bitch Coat? My husband and I like to imagine that Clay is wearing the bitch coat, but that he’s sharing it with Toral. Imagine Clay passing Toral in the hallway of the suite, saying, “Honey, can I borrow the Bitch Coat? I’ve got to go talk to my team.” Or imagine Felisha telling Toral to wear the Zip outfit. Toral holds the Bitch Coat in front of her and says, “Do not make me put this on.”

A bunch of the guys go to check out the Ginnie costume. Mark has, and why put this delicately, a huge bulge in his man region that makes the genie seem a wee bit less feminine. James says that Mark is “the most intimidating genie I have ever seen.” Clay suggests that Mark hide his lad with duct tape, but that is where Mark draws the line. And the DQ belt buckle rocks just as much as I thought it would.

At Capital Edge, Felisha demands that Toral smile during the presentation. Kristi puts on the Zip outfit and says that he has no respect for Toral at all. Or in her own words, “Toral is a friggin’ goober.” Meanwhile, Toral says the costume is “an embarrassment.” She says, “Again, my judgment was 100% on target.”

The women begin their presentation, and Zip is… kind of freaky looking. I think this giant, silver backed, spoon wielding, giant eyed… thing would frighten children. Jennifer gives the presentation, pointing out the compartments on Zip’s back that hold Blizzard ingredients. She says he can zip off to anyone who needs a Blizzard. Rebecca says that watching Jen, she realized that the presentation was absolutely ridiculous. The executives don’t seem impressed either. Zip will appeal to kids, but what about to teenagers? Jennifer thinks Zip’s gadgets would impress teenagers. The giant spoon isn’t exactly a Nano. Then they ask the big question – why isn’t Zip branded as DQ or Blizzard? There is an awkward pause, and Marshawn finally breaks the silence. She says that between his iconic swirl shape and red spoon, he is clearly a Dairy Queen product. It’s a totally decent attempt at answering the question – good job, Marshawn.

Excel arrives next, bearing a fruit and cheese plate! That’s funny. Clay introduces Ginnie the Genie. The costume looks pretty good, actually. Ginnie’s hair really does look like soft serve ice cream. As Clay gives the presentation, Randal notices a lot of excitement in the room – not just from his team, but also from the executives. Clay ends the presentation by pointing out Ginnie’s Dairy Queen colors and logos. Nice. One of the executives asks why they chose a female mascot, and I can’t help but notice that they did not ask the women why they chose a male mascot. And isn’t it Dairy Queen? Clay answers that girls will find Ginnie appealing and that men will find her sexy. He also points out that if Mark can wear the costume, anyone can. The executives thank them.

The executives talk and quickly agree on the results. They bring in the teams and call Trump. They start with Capital Edge. They’re not sure what exactly Zip is supposed to be. He’s too cartoon-y and too childish. Worse, there are no Dairy Queen colors or logos on him. Felisha looks like she’s about to cry. Excel, on the other hand, got the magic of Dairy Queen, came up with a character with wide appeal that would reach their target audience. Excel wins.

In an interview, Toral gloats about Capital Edge’s loss. She says they had a very superficial analysis, and she’s pleased that they lost. Did Toral not realize that she was part of the losing team?

The men quickly agree to give Clay an exemption, which surprises me. My boyfriend Josh explains that at this point, they’re more likely than not to give exemptions to the project manager, and that Clay did a “decent” job. For their reward, they’ll go to Shea Stadium, meet Mr. Met, and play baseball with some members of the Mets. The women will go to the conference room, and someone whose name rhymes with “floral” will be fired.

Just a hunch.