The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, Episode 7: Battle of the Blondes

The candidates gather in the loft, wondering who will go. Dawna says that she hopes David will come back. Naturally, the Irony Fairy jumps right on that and brings Marcella back into the room. Marcella says that the boardroom was harsh, but she’s not going to hold a grudge. Dawna is happy to hear that and says that their team is ready to win.

Carrie and Sarah plan the next task. Sarah is going to be the project manager, and Carrie will support her as her second in command. Sarah says in an interview that she trusts Carrie the most, so I’m pretty much planning on Carrie stabbing her in the back any second now. Carrie tells Sarah that she needs to not only delegate tasks to the team, but also to herself. Carrie adds that she thinks her job is to make her boss look good. In an interview, Carrie says, “The people running the show are the blondes.” She figures that’s appropriate with famous blonde Martha Stewart at the helm. Sarah is excited to lead the team.

Leslie answers the phone and gets the instructions to meet Martha’s friend Peter at 9:00. They candidates arrive and meet Peter and his colleagues Chad and Tara. He calls Martha, and she explains the task. Peter is a brand advisor to several well-known brands. He, Chad, and Tara will be the judges for the next task. Each team will be given a mobile billboard and support materials to market Tide To Go, a new stain removal pen. Branding is a valuable tool, and mobile billboards are the newest way to promote a brand. The teams’ billboards will include stages on which the contestants will perform a “live theatrical event” to promote Tide To Go. The most innovative display with the most buzz wins.

Primarius starts off with brainstorming. Sarah says that she really wants to gather a crowd. Bethenny pitches an idea about coffee carts, but Sarah says that’s not what she has in mind. Acrobats, for example, would catch her interest. Jim says that they should really focus on the product. Sarah says, “I’m not even so concerned with the product at this point.”

At this point, is there anyone out there who thinks she can win this task? Especially when I point out that Charles was there to witness this comment? Oh, Sarah.

Jim repeats that they need to show the product, and God help me, but I’m agreeing with Jim here. What has happened to me? Sarah puts Jim in charge of visual and asks Bethenny and Howie to think about Manhattan. She then requests that they engage in some silent brainstorming. I don’t think that’s exactly going to work, but Carrie would disagree with me. Carrie says in an interview that genius happens in quiet patience, and silence is the best way to come up with collective ideas. What? Wow, I had no idea that the members of Primarius were all telepaths. What a great advantage! Charles takes all of this in, and in an interview, says that the key to winning this task is an idea, and none of them have one yet.

Time for this week’s Ask Martha segment. This week, we Ask Martha about the importance of branding. Martha says that branding is very important. She herself is a brand. When you see the Martha Stewart name, you know that means quality. This really highlights how worthless the Ask Martha segment is. Martha Stewart is indeed a living brand, and a very influential one at that. And all we can get is that branding is important? And we already know what her brand signifies… because it’s a good brand. We could have learned something about branding here, and we got nothing. Ugh. But now for the corresponding Ask Betsy segment. One of my gorgeous readers asked me if it’s possible that Jim is playing to the cameras. Perhaps Jim isn’t completely insane and is just looking to parlay his experience on this show into becoming a staple of more reality shows, like The Surreal Life or Battle of the Network Reality Stars. I’m afraid to say that sounds incredibly plausible. I am afraid that if Jim appeared on the same show as Omarosa, Jonathan from The Amazing Race and Trishelle, my TV would explode.

Dawna is the project manager of Matchstick, and her team is brainstorming out loud. Crazy! Someone talks about creating human stains, and Ryan makes a mostly censored suggestion that involves building a large blouse that clearly belongs to a woman. Dawna shuts down that idea, but tells him to keep thinking big. In an interview, she explains that outrageous suggestions are fine when you’re brainstorming – you never know when you might get an idea. She’s right- just then, Ryan suggests a prize fighter to knock out stains. Alexis arrives just as the team is getting excited about the idea. They decide to build a boxing ring, with a Tide Guy superhero. Ryan, of course, will be Tide Guy. He stretches in anticipation. The team begins to sketch a version of the Tide pen with boxing gloves. They name him Tide to Go Joe. I wonder if Tide to Go Joe would enjoy a date with Ginnie the Blizzard Genie from the Trump version of this show.

At Primarius, everyone is still silently thinking. Sarah leaves the room, and Howie and Bethenny, concerned about time, spring into action. They pull out their phones and start calling street performers. They want jugglers, dancers, whatever it takes to make a spectacle. Sarah comes in and is pleased, saying, “That’s what I’m talking about.” Yes, in your head, maybe. Jim reminds her again that they have no concept and are not showing the product. Sarah doesn’t care. Oh, Sarah.

She decides to send Bethenny and Howie to a prop rental place to see if they get any ideas. Carrie, in charge of accounting, asks them to make sure they bring receipts. Howie and Bethenny talk on the way there about how worried they are. The team has no direction and has run amuck. Sending them to the prop rental place is a backwards way to go about this, but at this point, I honestly don’t think it’s a bad idea. They need to get out of that room and do something, or they’re not going to come up with anything. Maybe looking at props will trigger something.

The two arrive, and Howie declares, “We’ve got to give this place props,” and I have to admit, it makes me laugh. He finds a pair of boxing gloves and gets the very same idea as Matchstick about knocking out stains. Ooh, interesting! He calls Sarah to run the idea past her, and she and Carrie shut it down. Well, it was interesting while it lasted. At the end, Howie and Bethenny realize, “We went with the idea of no idea.” They’re worried that if they don’t come up with something, they’ll be blamed for the loss.