The Apprentice 5, Episode 5: Crusin’ for a Bruisin’

An announcement comes over the loudspeakers that the ship is about to set sail, so all visitors must leave. Andrea gives an interview and says that she hopes they can put their footage into something good, but if they don’t, it’ll be Roxanne’s fault for being disorganized.

Tammy does a voiceover for Synergy’s commercial and sounds very good. Roxanne wants to show the boring, unfun cruise in black and white. Andrea thinks it will just look like the couple is not having fun. Right- other cruise not fun! Why is this hard to understand? Roxanne says that it will be less than five seconds, but Andrea thinks it’ll just look crappy. Roxanne asserts that her decision to try it is not a bad one. Andrea disagrees, but throws out a, “You’re the project manager, do whatever you think is right.” I’m impressed that Roxanne doesn’t smack her one. In an interview, Roxanne says that if she doesn’t stand up for herself, no one else will. She says that she respected the other players when they were project managers, though she didn’t always agree with them. She expects her team to show her the same consideration. Andrea makes a sour lemon face.

Gold Rush is happy so far with their commercial. Tarek works on the titles and explains that they’re just going to show text and leave the viewer “wanting more.” Bryce loves it, but Lenny is not so sure. He thinks the text goes too fast for anyone to read and that they might want to use a voiceover to make it less confusing. Tarek says that customers don’t see an ad just one time, so with enough impressions, it’ll work just fine. Lenny correctly points out that while that might be true in the real world, in this case, the executives will only see the commercials once. Dan declares that he likes the commercial the way it is. Lenny chews his gum in a vigorous protest and glares at them. I cannot help loving Lenny.

Synergy arrives for their commercial in matching black turtlenecks and blue scarves. Roxanne says that this commercial will help Norwegian reach potential customers who do not cruise. Andrea narrows her eyes unhappily, unable to hide her Roxanne Hate. They play the commercial, and it looks good. I think it’s clear that the couple at the beginning is bored, not that they just don’t like each other or something, as Andrea has been implying. I also think that the teams were able to use a lot of stock footage, as it seems unlikely that they could have filmed all of that in three hours. The executives praise their commercial, and Roxanne confesses that they debated the first four and a half seconds. But, Roxanne says, sometimes you have to take a risk, and she thinks this one paid off.

Gold Rush also has matching outfits, in this case black shirts with gold ties. I’m relieved to know that the teams have been able to coordinate outfits despite Brent no longer being around. Dan is a good public speaker, but he’s kind of talking crap. He goes on and on about how many of us are castaways “in life.” It’s a little too deep for a commercial. They show the ad, and the castaway guy appears covered in seaweed with no real explanation. It makes no sense at all. The rest of the commercial looks good, though. The executives ask Dan what the deal was with the guy at the beginning of the commercial. Dan says, “In reality, that floating raft is where you’re trapped, where you’re restricted… but here? He’s having the time of his life.” Looks to me like Dan missed last week’s Trump Lesson about the importance of keeping it simple.

The executives talk things over. Gold Rush’s beginning was “surreal.” They missed the connection and found it odd. The rest was good. Synergy started with a negative, which was jarring, but it picked up momentum. They appreciated the originality.

Trump arrives, and the executives say that they were impressed by both teams. One commercial used a voiceover, and the other used subtitles only. Using subtitles assumes that everyone is watching the commercial with their full attention, which is unlikely. If people are only half watching, they need a voiceover. Both commercials started with a bang and showed the Norwegian difference. But where one was intriguing, the other was confusing. Synergy wins. Roxanne smiles hugely, and Andrea looks a little disappointed. For their reward, Synergy will visit a “secret vault” with more than $100 million worth of diamonds in it. If that doesn’t sound like the set-up for an episode of Batman, I don’t know what does. Best of all, the candidates will get to take home $30,000 worth of diamonds. As for Gold Rush, one of them will be fired.

Synergy heads for the vault, which is heavily guarded. All of them are wanded before entering the vault. Roxanne is wearing an unfortunate pair of black gaucho pants with boots. Inside, the vault kind of reminds me of Costco- concrete floors, nothing appealing. But there are a bunch of loose diamonds, and the candidates learn how to pick them up with tweezers to look at them. Diamonds, according to Sean, are “slippery little buggers,” and the candidates keep dropping them. The candidates each get to choose a loose diamond, and Allie goes for the biggest one. Getting a loose diamond kind of sucks. I mean, sure, free diamond, but now you have to deal with getting it mounted. Roxanne tries on a tiara and is in high spirits.

Tarek looks totally different without his hair combed back. He tells Dan that the rest of the team will probably pile on him in the boardroom. They talk about the way Lee kept latching on to Bill and Carolyn and figure the two viceroys have noticed it. Dan thinks that Lee and Lenny are dead weight and should go. Tarek says he’ll do what he can to protect Dan, but adds that in the Boardroom, he has no friends.

In the Boardroom, Dan says that it was a close contest. Charmaine says that as a leader, Dan has room for improvement. Trump asks her what she thinks of the under the radar Leslie. Charmaine thinks that Leslie should have been more involved, especially given her background. Leslie says that she tried to step forward, but “It was unheard.” It was unheard by me, too, and Dan says that Leslie never mentioned her background. But the rest of the candidates disagree, so maybe Leslie did more than just complain to Charmaine in the ladies’ room. Tarek says that Leslie should have stepped up, but Lee and Leslie argue that she tried to. They all bicker loudly until Carolyn quiets them down and says they sound ridiculous.