The Apprentice: Los Angeles, Episode 6 MVP and LVP – I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane…

It’s hard to criticize the teams when they end up so close to each other. Trump is living in his own universe if he thinks that 25 people in one mall is a huge difference. Both teams used to same method - short-term rotating prize wins to encourage people to sign up, so there’s not even much to discuss in terms of different tactics. We only saw limited footage of the task itself, so while we saw people make mistakes, we didn’t see how they affected the overall outcome of the challenge. I suppose I could critique hair and wardrobe choices, but I’ll save that for Top Model.

Team Hair

Ah, an appropriate team moniker. Surya’s mop could host several small woodpeckers and we’d never notice (guess I critiqued hair after all!). Surya was smart to try and jump back on the bandwagon and demand the job of PM. I think he did a good job clearing the air, telling his teammates that he didn’t blame any of them for his eviction. He also did a fair job in the planning session, trying to make sure that everyone had an overall strategy - something that Arrow often has problems with. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop him from wandering around the mall somewhat aimlessly.

Surya didn’t appear to be a very good salesperson, so he really didn’t have much excuse for being away from the stand. The UO debate team is in the middle of running a debate tournament, and our project manager always hovers nearby to deal with anything that comes up. Smoldering problems can become wildfire emergencies at the drop of a hat, so it’s important that the PM be present and holding a hose. Surya also separated himself from the group some more, which loses him allies next time (probably next week) he faces the Boardroom.

Speaking of Boardroom, we didn’t hear Surya speak too much. Is it possible he didn’t learn the lesson from Aaron, that Trump prefers screaming loudly the word “ass” multiple times? Besides, it would have been common courtesy for Surya to defend Aimee as strenuously as Aimee defended him. Strategically, he could have at least tried to protect a player with such obvious weaknesses. It looked like he was as clueless in the boardroom as he is at sales.

Tim did a great job this week, proposing the original idea and selling the skin of his ass off. Tim also gets points for his smooth moves in the hot tub. Not because it was strategically appealing - I think the move is pretty Neanderthal, because you just know you’re going to have a conflict of interest sooner or later. I see Nicole as a bit whiny, but if he likes her, he should go for it.

Nicole also gets entertainment points for being stung by a jellyfish. From her reaction, I expected her to have a broken foot like what’s-her-face from the hockey reward two years ago. Then she blithely wondered how a jellyfish could have stung her if she never saw it. Yeah, because you’ll really be stung by the jellyfish you do see. If you saw it, you would have avoided it, numbskull.

James and Frank also kicked ass at sales. Again. I’d be more impressed with all these salesman if they stood up and showed that they could lead (which they could have done two weeks ago).

Team Thinker

I give Aimee some credit for trying to improve her delegating ways, but for the most part, she still didn’t seem to lead as much as muddle things. The pink octopus fiasco stands out as being hilarious. I don’t know why she wasted her limited cache with the group over the eight-legged sea creature. Not that she had much cache to begin with - I think she’s right, that the team who worked for her was not the same team that worked for Heidi. That’s because she dug her own grave last episode, and returning a few pebbles to the pit did not make up for her inadequate skills.

In a further point, it wasn’t smart to bring Derek, one of her top sellers into the boardroom. Jenn I could kind of see, because she could be accused of withholding critical information, but Derek wasn’t even asked and was cited as one of the strongest team assets. Muna, of course, shone as well, but despite extra camera time, she still seems elusive to me. I’d like to see her step up and become team leader next week. Angela and her both seem to be competent enough to beat Surya into a hairy creampuff.

I wonder how much Spanish really had to do with anything? It didn’t seem to bother the other team, which meant that either there was a disparity in location or they found some way around it that we didn’t get to see. Heidi reminded me of myself, shouting, “Muchos dineros” loudly in hopes of attracting someone. I can’t criticize her for a lack of cultural sensitivity, because I would have been in there mixing up my three words of Spanish with my four words of French.

So who will receive the MVP?

Light shines down on a candidate long scorned and forgotten. Frank stands up, proud of entering the spotlight for his quality, and not his annoyance. Unless he has Tom Brady’s smile, a man rarely has the capability to balance two women on his arms, especially women who seemed reluctant to touch him in the first place. Frank shone, and hopefully Trump will take notice, erasing the black mark on his name that’s left from task one.

The Reality Television Goddess’ rod knows where to go. It’s tread this path before. Slowly and steadily, it descends on Aimee, reminding her that a tactful team and an abrasive, unskilled leader do not a match in heaven make. If she had knocked Trump’s socks off in the Boardroom, she might have had a chance to go further. As it is, she was fired, ending her streak of least valuable playerdom. Who will be the target next week? Only the Reality Television Goddess knows.

Now, let us pelt Aimee with rotten herring.

What I’d like to see this season on The Apprentice:

• Frank’s excursion in a school for the fine arts
• Nicole tying down Tim dominatrix-style using rope and tent pegs
• Trump NOT watching said scene from the bushes with drool on his enormous chin

Jennifer McBride is a senior in journalism at the University of Oregon. Her lifetime ambitions involve bigamy and a plethora of cats. Job offers and Viagra ads can be sent to her at vegetathalas@yahoo.com, though you should use the subject line “Not Spam” if you expect her to find them.

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