Who Wants to be a Superhero 2, Episode 4: Super Shills

Last week, a bunch of stuff happened that made no sense. What? OK, fine. The heroes tracked down Dr. Dark. The team confronted Mr. Mitzvah, who was eliminated along with Ms. Limelight.

A couple people emailed me and asked, since I was so critical, what I would do differently. One change would make a world of difference – improve the challenges. Riding a roller coaster or spelling words is asinine, especially when anyone with half a brain would realize that normal people, let alone superheroes, would bust out of the cage or break through the door.

The challenges last season were creative and entertaining. Remember how they had to “walk across the buildings”? Granted, I pointed out that the producers couldn’t do the tricky challenges as much this season, but there are ways around it. And most importantly, I would pattern my challenges around comic book situations from actual comics. One thing Stan Lee’s comics never did – except maybe his DC work – is insult the intelligence, and I am disappointed that this show continues to do so regularly.

Hyper Strike is a little upset, because not only did two people go home, Mr. Mitzvah went home in part because he didn’t confront him about his fears. As seen last week, the lair is ransacked and their secret identities stolen out of the safe. Defuser goes into police mode, while Hygena immediately starts fretting and tidying up like when your mother walked into your filthy dorm room. Admit it, you know what I mean.

Defuser repeats that no one should touch anything. He tells us that he takes charge sometimes, he can’t help himself. Basura starts to make a list of anything missing, when Parthenon discovers that Stan Lee’s original pencil is missing. You know, my Business Law teacher in college had a big routine about Elvis’ last pen (he was signing autographs on the can when he died – you can tell it’s really his because it’s got jelly under the clip) to demonstrate ownership and transference of property. I really have no point, it’s just this seemed like an appropriate day to mention it.

Hyper Strike asks Daddy Defuser if it’s OK to pick up their stuff. Whip-Snap is devastated. She feels violated, and as she cleans up her personal area, she complains that it’s too hard, and she doesn’t want to do it anymore. What kind of superhero talk is that? OK, every superhero since the beginning of time has quit or threatened to dozens of times, but still. She goes off on a tangent about the others not being there for her if they go home, and she’s got nothing to go back to.

Hyper Strike says she realized that her new family is only temporary. Whip-Snap continues that she feels everyone there is smarter than she is. Yeah, and if that’s true, so what? You’re on their level now, and they have to deal with that. She’s sick of crying. She’s not a quitter, she’s just tied.

Stan joins them the next morning, and shills for an insurance company with moronic animated commercials. Seeing Stan Lee essentially do a live spot is so depressing. Anyway, the safe that was broken into also contained a check for some tree hugging hippy crap charity. No big deal – going back to Business Law again (James Parker’s sage wisdom is getting a workout!) they shouldn’t be able to do anything with the check unless it’s specifically noted as bearer paper, and no company in their right mind would cut a check to bearer. So all they have to do is void the check and recut. Maybe they should set up electronic payments next time.

So the evil Dr. Dark, who it should be noted looks like a fencer (you know, with the little thin swords?) and not intimidating at all, did all the damage the night before. Somewhere in here is a hilarious “mug shot” of Dr. Dark that ranks right up there with Nick Nolte.

They’re off to Universal Citywalk, again, where they get their mission from the animated agent. Did I mention this is depressing? They have to intercept a package from one of Dr. Dark’s mules, and have to go undercover to do it. They have to borrow three different items – a shirt, shoes, and pants – from three different people, then intercept the handoff. They have fifteen minutes. This challenge is marginally better, but seems rather pointless.

Various shots of people asking to borrow clothing. Apparently a jacket counts as a shirt. Hyper Strike and Defuser are doing well after five minutes, but are having trouble getting into the tourists’ pants. One guy tells Hyper Strike that he’s not wearing underwear, prompting a classic “I’m outta here” reaction. As Defuser strikes out with another pants mission, a lady approaches and says her child is missing. Remember what I said about not being able to repeat the same tricks from last season? Sigh.

Defuser is no dummy, he walks her around for a bit until her cellphone rings – her husband has found the child. You ask me, I hope she’s a plant because she was awfully casual about her daughter being missing. This entire thing took about a minute.

Hyper Strike starts having fun with it, offering to do a backflip if one man will let him borrow his pants. The man asks for three backflips, and Hyper Strike obliges. Creative, and impressive. Hyper Strike has completed his disguise inside of 10 minutes. Whip-Snap resorts to begging, which seems a bit… wrong for a superhero to do. She completes her disguise as well. Defuser complains that there aren’t many people his size around. Some woman gives him her bloomers, and he’ll take what he can get.

As Parthenon explains his situation to a group, the same woman from earlier asks for his help in finding her daughter. Seriously, who would be stupid enough to fall for this? Not noticing a crying child or a lost dog is one thing, but blowing off someone who comes directly up to you? Anyone who misses this should go home on the spot. Everyone seems to have half a brain this time. Amusingly, Hyper Strike looks to have grabbed a very confused looking park security guard when the call from the “husband” comes in.

I spoke too soon. As Basura collects the pants of a bemused man wearing nicely patterned boxers, the woman comes up to her. Basura hems and haws about being on a mission when finally the cell phone puts everyone out of our misery. Guess who’s going home tonight.

As the heroes change into their disguises, they get another call from the sponsor agent. All they know about the courier is that he’s wearing blue jeans, and the code phrase for the handoff is “I need ears, can I have yours?”

With less than two minutes to go, Hygena neatly folds her clothes away. Everyone tries the code phrase with no success and varying levels of amusement from the tourists. Parthenon then notices a shady type (looking kind of like Joe Rogan, which is a dead giveaway) carrying a satchel, and tries the phrase. Success, with less than 30 seconds left! Good job, Parthenon. He notes that while the identities and the check are in there, the pencil is not.