Who Wants to be a Superhero 2, Episode 7: Gone to the Dogs

Last week, the heroes took on a class of fourth graders. Parthenon didn’t let the kids play their reindeer games, Hyper Strike revealed his identity, and Hygena loped along as usual. FrankenStan humiliated the heroes (although they did a fine job of that themselves) and trapped them in a shipping container. But the Brown Hornet escaped in the nick of time (snaps fingers, Cosby gang cheers). Stan eliminated Parthenon in a surprise.

Hygena, like most of us, assumed she was going home last week. Defuser thought it would be Hyper Strike because Stan was harping on the secret identity. Hyper Strike can’t believe he has made it farther than Parthenon, and says it’s odd to think he needs to step it up a notch when he’s been giving it 100%. Defuser is particularly shocked. Hygena says there is no use for insecurity.

The next morning, Hyper Strike asks to borrow Defuser’s balls. Defuser says “my balls are your balls.” I wonder who is more bored at this point, the contestants or the producers. Anyway, Hyper Strike proceeds to entertain Defuser and Hygena by juggling, and he’s pretty impressive until Stan butts in.

We get a news report of a giant FrankenStan going all Godzilla on the city. The narration from the report is classic cheese, made funnier only by the facial expressions and remarks made by Hyper Strike. “He might actually be taller than you, Defuser!” Heh. I think Hyper Strike has just given up on taking this seriously. I mean, if they’re going to throw a giant Stan Lee at them, how can you?

Stan then trumps Hyper Strike by telling the heroes that they have to “stop Dr. Dark’s good-looking but monstrous creation.” I want whatever drugs these writers are on. Since FrankenStan seems to be feeding off electrical power (hence the lightning surrounding him), they can shut him down. Probably by answering questions somehow. Again, I must ask the obvious question – doesn’t someone related to this show HAVE electrical powers? Or is he hanging back and handling important issues like giant snakes?

They proceed to a generator – possibly the same one from a couple episodes ago – where Stan tells them they must short circuit (Number Five, Alive!… sorry) Dr. Dark’s power supply. They are to form a human chain between the two generator towers (looks about ten feet) to disrupt the electricity and destroy FrankenStan. That doesn’t sound dangerous. Kids, don’t try this at home!

Ah, but there’s a catch. Suddenly, a huge attack dog leaps up to the window of the SUV, almost making Defuser leap into the passenger seat with Hyper Strike. As I pause my DVR, Hyper Strike is mimicking the dogs and it makes me wish I had a screen capture program. He’s either mimicking the dog, or Sylvester Stallone at the end of Rocky, I’m not sure. He describes the head as 90% jaw muscle, and I’m still not positive which he’s referring to. Anyway, Defuser asks if anyone has any Scooby Snacks. There’s a Michael Vick joke to be made, but not by me.

Luckily, they had the foresight to pack protective attack-dog clothing. Maybe that’s why they needed such a big SUV, to carry stuff for every eventuality. Hygena takes the lead, telling the boys since she’s probably not going to make it all the way to the generator anyway, she can be the bait. Hopefully, the dogs will go after her and the guys can complete the mission. Did Stan pack any bacon-scented perfume in that car?

The Michelin family waddle on, and the first dog charges Hyper Strike. The dog clamps onto Hyper Strike’s arm but he doesn’t fall. The second dog runs over Hygena like a wrecking ball at a bowling alley. She goes down, and assures Defuser that she’s OK. She’s obviously not, as the dog is shaking her arm pretty viciously and she cries in pain. Defuser runs back to help but she assures him that she is fine and that he should go on. I bet Stan will yell at him for deserting a downed teammate.

Defuser meets Hyper Strike, who is holding on to a jeep that is parked near the generators. The dog immediately clamps onto Defuser - that bacon perfume again – and Hyper Strike dives into the jeep to look for any material to help them, but comes up short. Are the keys in the jeep? Use the jeep itself!

Defuser gets to the generators and decides that this challenge will require all three of them. Then… the third dog comes charging in out of nowhere. Defuser doesn’t even see it coming, Hyper Strike is only able to yell “incoming!” as a warning. The heroes are in a bad way. Defuser is fighting off two dogs, Hygena is using her arm as a chew toy for another dog, and Hyper Strike is, well, looking on helplessly.

The guys find a wire connected to one generator and try to use it to complete the circuit. They succeed briefly, but the dogs pull Defuser away. Maybe they didn’t like the special effects electricity. Hygena’s cheerleading while she’s down and getting chewed on is inspirational in a weird way.

Defuser agrees, saying he just couldn’t let his team down. With a mighty roar, he struggles to his feet and completes the connection, defeating FrankenStan and apparently making the dogs disappear in the process. Defuser and Hyper Strike chest-bump, and Hyper Strike goes flying backwards. Whether that was intentional comedy or not, it was pretty funny. Hygena says, in an understatement of the show, that this is not something she’d want to do again. Defuser deadpans that he’s dog tired. Well, I found my article title. Stan compliments them on a job well done.

Back at the lair, Defuser looks at the scratches and bruises on his arms. Hygena is frozen in disbelief at the damage. She says she was blown away to see him standing up with two dogs attached to him. Defuser will cherish his bruises. He tells Hygena how hard it was to leave her behind. Hygena thinks she did the worst, because she has physical limits the others don’t. Defuser says he’s exhausted, which is the cue for the StanScreen to buzz to life.

To thank them for their efforts, Stan gives them a special surprise. Their own action figures! They all look great, but Hyper Strike’s looks fantastic. He comments that after playing with action figures as a kid, to BE one is amazing. They can even record their catchphrase into the figure. That’s awesome. Defuser is like a little kid. All three have tons of fun playing with their action figures. It’s the coolest moment of the series.

Before bed, they talk about how great the day was. Defuser says that he doesn’t make friends quickly, but he has made some here. Even though one of them can win, they all have become friends. Aww. As the lights go out, the three hit their voice recorders one last time. I know I’d do that too.