Why Dillon’s Was a “Kitchen Nightmare”

I’ve seen some real yuck on the UK version of Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. However, with Dillon’s, this was the first time that I actually came close to losing my lunch and swearing off of dining out for the rest of my life.

How could such a restaurant pull this off? Take a look at What Makes a Kitchen Nightmare, and you might see that Dillon’s broke every single rule in that article. Some were worse than others, but everything that could be wrong with a restaurant was wrong with Dillon’s.

Let’s start with the first problem area, the menu. Simply put, there were too many cuisines on it. When you describe a restaurant as American-Irish with Indian dishes and Ramsay comments that the only cuisine left out was Chinese, you have a classic problem of confused identity.

Not only was the menu confusing, the food itself seemed baffled. Ramsay’s vegetarian starter didn’t even know it was vegetarian. Ramsay thought his beef dish was pork, when it was actually lamb. Most of the ingredients forgot how to be fresh, or even sanitary. One hamburger patty had a green spot half the size of the burger! Ramsay then found half of a rotten tomato, the other half most likely being eaten by a pained... I mean, paid customer.

If the ingredients are unsanitary, then the kitchen itself must have been a walk-in petri dish. There were flies and other sorts of bugs everywhere in there, and they even flew over into the dining area. I’m not sure how functional the kitchen equipment was, but given Ramsay’s unclean plate, I’ll guess that there was no working dishwasher. Plus, after looking at that basement, I’m surprised the whole building wasn’t imploded for the safety of New York!

I wish I could tell you what the head chef had to say about this, but no one could translate for me. He doesn’t speak English, and I don’t speak Hindi (or whatever his language was). Nor do I like to see anything cooked on the floor, as with the vat of whatever it was. Plus, he and the second chef couldn’t cook any of the American dishes on the menu. This was left to operations manager Andrew, who, as far as I know, doesn’t have much professional cooking experience. Andrew could probably tell as he ate his own food per Ramsay’s suggestion.

For the most part, the staff seemed okay, though waitress Jenna got a little edgy when Ramsay confronted general manager Martin in front of everyone. It should have been Nasreen, the waitress who stroked Martin’s hair.

Speaking of Martin, let’s discuss the owner and managers. The restaurant had one owner and three managers. Well, actually, it was one owner, two managers, and one Martin. I’m not exactly sure what a general manager all does, but I’m sure it doesn’t include playing with your phone, lounging around with waitresses, messing up orders, and quitting after saying how useful you are. Not to mention suing Ramsay and the show for planting all of that bad meat and making him look bad. Please see the movie quote at the top of this article to know what I think about the lawsuit. What a sack.

Still, Mohammad the owner could have shown a little more backbone when dealing with Martin. Ramsay believed Martin was taking advantage of the poor man, and I don’t think that was too far from the truth. Plus, we saw operations manager Andrew cooking the American food when the real chefs couldn’t, indicating problems with delegation. Floor manager Khan was cool, though he only really became relevant once he replaced Martin. Plus, who doesn’t love shouting “KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!?”

The seventh major problem area is the interior of the restaurant. We’ve already discussed the fly-shaped ornaments buzzing around. As well, Ramsay’s table had a napkin or something under a leg to keep it stable. And what the heck was up with the fabric covering the one wall? It looked like the restaurant was about to be fumigated, which would have been great if true.

Finally, we have the exterior. I don’t think anyone knows where the name Dillon’s came from, though I’m guessing it had to do with the building it was in. Then there was the ridiculous marquee that made Dillon’s look like a strip club. Of course, I’m not sure I’d rename the restaurant something that sounds like Purina. At least they could have use a different color scheme from the pet food company. Or just spell Dillon’s correctly (it’s not Dillion’s, people).

Dillon’s was a true disaster all around. From the marquee and wall fabrics to the flies and green meat, from the confusing menu to the worthless general manager, it’s easy to see why Dillon’s was a Kitchen Nightmare.

Tyler can be reached at tejayes@yahoo.com.

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