America’s Next Top Model 9, Episode 5: Gargoyles We Have Heard On High

Bianca turns it out and Jay thinks that she has finally found her groove. Lisa goes next and she’s queening out over something as usual. I don’t even think she knows why. Anyway, she starts out slow but does let go. Jay tells her to just stop thinking of the shoot, and that’s when she seems to do better.

Ambreal is assured by Jay that she is safe. She wants to man up and do well, but she’s still scared. I can tell she is doing the same face she always does and Jay isn’t happy. Ebony walks on set next and acts real bored, even replying “I’m fine” to Jay’s “Hey girl, how you doing?” She begins her shoot and Jay just doesn’t understand how she does so well when the camera is on her. He’s at a loss for words, which makes me happy.

The shoot wraps and the girls go home. They get Tyra mail that says they will meet with the judges tomorrow. Janet thinks that she did well in the shoot, but she is really interested to see her photo. Lisa has a goal to get called first and show she’s a contender, while Ambreal is nervous and knows that she defeated herself. She just doesn’t want to be the fourth girl to leave.

In walk the girls to panel and the judges are waiting. Tyra reminds them all of the prizes and introduces the judges. The guest judge is Benny Ninja, and I’m queening out like Lisa at the photo shoot. Love him. First, we’ll do individual evaluations, and Ebony is up first.

Ebony casually strolls up and the judges look at her photo. Tyra thinks it’s stunning and Nigel says it’s weird, but it works. Tyra then asks Ebony if she cares to smile, and Ebony says she doesn’t because she thinks her gums are too big. Tyra then goes off on showing Ebony how to smile without showing her gums. I love this. She calls it “smile versatility.” I really only know versatile in another context, but that’s for another time!

Chantal is up next and they love her legs in the photo. Twiggy goes as far as to call her high fashion. Wow, a comment from Twiggy? Ambreal is next and her photo is compared to a “fashion robot” by Nigel. Benny thinks that her pose is too twisted and Tyra can tell she is uncomfortable.

Sarah is next and resembles nothing of a gargoyle. Nigel says it’s not what they asked for and Twiggy adds that the client would not use or book her because of it. Bianca is loved by the judges and Nigel thinks her photo is one of the most dramatic and best of the week. I’d actually have to agree. Tyra adds that Bianca is finally invested in this.

Twiggy thinks that Janet’s face is too intense, while her body looks small and compact. Janet brings up her underwear showing and is told not to worry about it, since it can be airbrushed. Lisa steps forward and the judges love her shape and body. Tyra asks her if she is sad and Lisa brings up that the other girls are separating her. Tyra, being the mother that she is, tells Lisa not to dull herself for someone else. Sing it, sister!

Heather is told that she needs more confidence and Nigel wants to see a photo of her where she isn’t showing a profile. They know it’s Heather’s comfort zone, but it’s time to break away from that. Jenah looks great in her photo, but her personal appearance is a train wreck. The judges aren’t happy with it and think she really needs to be more polished. I agree – she looks like a cracked out tranny!

Finally, Saleisha. Nigel likes her picture and Benny thinks it’s very hip-hop. He wants her pose to be more high fashion, but Tyra thinks that her performance was pushed – she likes it. Now, it’s time to deliberate, and here’s what the judges had to say:

Ebony is changing but is being two people. This will be the last time they tell her to shape up the attitude.

Chantal has something, but really needs to tone it down and be less sexy.

Ambreal isn’t being high fashion, says Ms. J. Benny agrees, but then says that he’s going to “vogue deliciously” and I have no clue what it means, but I start doing it too.

Sarah doesn’t please Nigel and he’s extra irritated that she missed the point completely.

Bianca really sold it and Twiggy is finally happy with her.

Janet is not a model to Twiggy and she can’t really see her making it in the industry. Well, Twiggy is back to being a bitch.

Lisa is a favorite to everyone but they really want her to get her confidence up and realize how good she really is.

Heather has to show another side and stop with the profile shots.

Jenah looks great, but is raggedy in judging. I figured out why. They give these girls weaves (like Jenah and Brittany from last season), that have no clue how to take care of them. In conclusion, no more weaves for the white girls!

Saleisha is giving the face, and Twiggy knows that she has the potential. Tyra loves that she is showing confidence.

The girls walk back in. Tyra says she has ten girls but only nine photos, and the first one is going to… Lisa. I wish I was happy. Lisa looks shocked, and as she takes her photo, Tyra tells her she was the strongest this week, but needs to work on her confidence. Bianca is called next and Tyra tells her that her eyes look great.

Ebony is called and she actually smiles. She’s followed by Chantal, Jenah, Saleisha, Heather and Sarah, who was hyperventilating. Janet and Ambreal, as the bottom two, step forward. Tyra says the judges look at them and see two beautiful women, but don’t see two beautiful models. One has an athletic body, but needs to be coached so much just to get one shot. The other is long and lean, but her photos are getting worse, not better. The last girl called is… Ambreal! Tyra tells Ambreal that she can’t let her fears get in the way of her dreams. Janet is given a hug and then kicked out the door.

She gives the girls their hugs and then heads on out. She wanted to do this for so long, and knows that there’s a place for her in the industry, but in the meantime, the girls are going to be lost without her to clean up for them. Good – let them live in their own filth!

Next week, Jay is at the end of his rope with one of the girls during the photo shoot. The house also gets a gentleman caller, and if it’s Ms. J., I’ll lose my mind. Here’s how I’m ranking them at this point:

Bianca
Lisa
Heather
Saleisha
Jenah
Chantal
Sarah
Ebony
Ambreal

Phil Kural is an office manager at a dental office, and graduated from Temple University with a degree in journalism. You can send feedback to him at pkural@gmail.com.

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