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Celebrity Apprentice, the Kinda One-Third(ish) of the Way Performance Reviews: The Business of Celebrity Business is CelebrityPage 3
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Marilu: To most people, youíre Elaine Nardo, but to me, Iíll always love you for being Lil Dangerously. ďOh, Johnny! I love shelf paper!Ē How many people could carry off that line convincingly?
Youíre doing well. You fall somewhere between Jennie and Omarosa in the cut-throat category, in that you know business but youíre not going to trample someone to get it done, although you might hurt a few feelings. You do business with your heart, which can be effective.
My advice to you is to watch your back. I donít think you have a chance to win this game with some of these personalities around, but that doesnít mean you canít go down swinging.
Omarosa: Youíre a useless bitch and you donít belong on this show except to make catty remarks and talk down to everyone. I look forward to another crying spree when youíre fired.
I will give you credit for the idea of the Croc-shaped bin, as I believe that was what won your team the challenge. But can I point out Ė recycled Crocs? Ewww!
Vincent: As I mentioned, the double-agent thing started as a joke but went way too far. Yes, it was Piersí idea, but you had no problem with it. It was your idea to join the women instead of simply spy. The flaw was that, halfway through, you decided you didnít like your role (or maybe you decided the women would win and figured it was a good chance to get rid of Piers) and changed sides.
The women found out, through the brilliant deduction of Piers rubbing it in their faces. The look of shock on Omarosaís face was a beautiful moment Iíll carry with me for a long time. I seriously canít believe this never occurred to any of them. Some of them didnít believe it when Piers told them! And they wonder why they lost four in a row?
In any case, Vinnie got mad when Piers revealed the plan. Why? Because it blew HIS plan to be a double-agent, not because it blew the plan to spy. They already had everything they needed from Vinnieís spying. But Vinnie wanted it both ways.
But the fatal blow was when Vinnie refused to return to Hydra, which made no sense to me. He had a plan of action and carried through on it, and should have just returned to normal. He could have used it against Piers and Stephen, who certainly wasnít opposed to the plan while he was laughing his butt off. By acting like a child and not wanting to rejoin the team, Vinnie doomed himself.
Really, this wasnít the first time. Vinnie wasnít much of a team player the entire time. He was a good soldier in doing what he was told, but complained about it more than anyone. He acted put out when nominated for PM. He just didnít seem like he wanted to be there, even when giving his ex-wife (and have there ever been a pair less alike?) the check for winning his challenge, which, ironically, Piers won for him.
He didnít play the game. Piers did. Piers is still there, and I still donít understand why the two didnít like each other.
Oh, and I would be remiss in not mentioning the hilarious Sopranos ending. It was obvious and cheesy, yes, but thereís a reason broad comedy like that works.
Jennie: Oh, Jennie. My Apprentice girlfriend. Youíre beautiful, sexy, intelligent, athletic, and a hard worker. And you couldnít cut it in the cutthroat business world, which made me love you all the more. In any case, itís refreshing to see a celebrity (and you are a celebrity, donít ever doubt that) with her head screwed on right and her priorities straight. For once, I agree with Trump Ė the fact that you donít belong in that world is a very good thing.
Gene: First, I get to take this chance to plug my good friend and fellow RNO-writer Dale Shermanís soon-to-be-updated book, Black Diamond. I especially like it because I know Gene hates KISS projects that he doesnít have a piece of.
I argued vehemently against the inclusion of Gene into the HOS (although he deserves to be in MANY Halls of Shame for MANY reasons) for the simple fact thatÖ God help meÖ I agreed with him.
His was the superior concept and letís not even go into the design. His flaw was that he didnít have twenty thousand Kinkoís-copied signs shouting ďINK!!Ē all over his trailer. He came up with a great design, showcased both the product and the company at the same time, and had a winning slogan. Iím sorry, but if Iím an executive rolling out a new product that I want to be done a certain way, and someone comes along and gives me a GOLDEN idea thatís ten times better than what I had, Iím changing my approach.
Believe you me, Iím no bigger fan of Gene Simmons the marketer (Remember Tongue Magazine, anyone? Anyone?), but I can admit when heís right, and he was right.
Now, I think itís pretty obvious by now that Gene wasnít stupid in the boardroom, he quit. I think everyone except Trump and that moron who yells about stock tips have figured that out. But you may not know why. Gene, as a businessman, believes that his way is the best way and WILL NOT entertain any other views. Ironically, he was on the wrong side of that same philosophy.
Anyway, when Gene was told that his version of events was wrong, he disagreed. In effect, he said, ďIf my product is considered losing by your rules, then I donít want to win.Ē Once he was told his idea wasnít good enough, he might as well have hit the elevator because he was on the way downstairs.
Iím not sure if I respect him for that or think heís a self-absorbed loon. But since I think the latter anyway, Iíll just say that Gene made the right choice for Gene and move on.
Nadia: You were so forgettable I had to check the site to see who was second fired. I think that about says it all.
Tiffany: Your reason for being fired was absolute BS. How many of the women called their famous friends? I think Trump glommed onto that so he could talk about his ďgood friend Yuuuuuh HefnerĒ about seventy times.
Mike DeGeorge is a lead Accounting peon in St. Louis. He welcomes your feedback at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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