The Chopping Block, Episode 6: A Simple Plan

I had a bit of a scare when the NBC schedule for the night came on directly before the sixth episode of The Chopping Block – it stated that the episode was going to air from 8:00 to 10:00, followed by NBC Dateline. That turned out to be incorrect, as it was just the normal one-hour episode. However, I should also point out that the first 15 minutes of the episode featured closed-captioning that had Lisa consistently referred to as Shari (Dean’s wife), even at times when she was referred to by name.

So you really have to wonder if NBC just doesn’t care anymore. Of course, the network is airing a program already cancelled and has been getting very poor ratings, but you would think the level of professional standards the network has would have them make sure their programming is properly promoted and broadcast. On the other hand, it is doubtful if anyone’s complaining anyway. NBC could run SpongeBob Squarepants next week and then tell people that the role of Marco is now being played by Squidward and no one would probably notice.

In fact, that sounds much more entertaining than what we’re getting.

But here we are, so we should check in and see how the final three couples are doing in the competition. As readers may remember, the Black Team running the restaurant called Soul is down to just one couple, Dean and his wife Shari. Meanwhile, the Red Team has two couples running their restaurant, Crimson – Lisa and her ex-husband Anapol, and Kelsey with her sister Vanessa. They’re feeling good about things on the Red Team. In fact, you could say that Crimson’s in clover.

You see, it’s called Crimson and then I added… … Did I make the Squidward joke yet? Oh, yes, I did. Moving on…

The episode starts as always with Marco in the kitchen at the Aster Center. On the counter are a gazillion jars and packets of condiments, all of which are placed so as not to show brand names. In the center of all this is Marco, making a fish pie. He tells the camera in an interview from his mysterious “study” that he is making something very simple, because he wants to confuse the contestants with simplicity. This lesson – to keep it simple – has been brought up by Marco at least three times already in the competition. While it is a good thing to keep in mind when cooking, he really seems to be ramming the lesson into the ground now. He does add on, however, that chefs should not be afraid to look to condiments and other ready-made products in order to make it easier and faster to prepare a delicious dish. Essentially, saying that going from scratch is not always the most practical way of cooking.

The three chefs from the remaining couples walk into the kitchen and Marco begins explaining a dish he plans to make – deviled kidneys. It is a dish, according to Marco, that the aristocrats would have for breakfast. Marco demonstrates his sauce for the kidneys by pouring Tabasco, vinegar, and Vita-Mix brown sauce into a blender. He then drizzles some sauce over the cooked, diced kidneys. Three ingredients right off the shelf, a little bit of frying up and voila, a fancy breakfast.p>

Marco asks the chefs if they have ever cooked fish pie before. Not only has no one ever cooked it, but no one has ever heard of the dish before. In an interview, done afterwards, Lisa even admits that the idea of pie with fish in it made her want to vomit. Marco then pulls a completed fish pie out of the oven, and it turns out to be scallops on pastry, with a bit of veggies that has been cooked inside a seashell. Everyone tries a bite (although Lisa nearly chokes on the huge piece of fish Marco gives her) and thinks it is – all together now, everyone – a simple dish that tastes great.

Marco announces that the “Great White Challenge” for the morning will be to recreate the two dishes – the deviled kidneys for breakfast and the fish pie for lunch. The chefs can use any of the condiments and other jars and packages in the room, but they must recreate the dishes from memory within an hour.

Dean is a bit intimidated by the idea of recreating dishes that Marco made. To him it is like da Vinci asking him to replicate the Mona Lisa. He decides to take several taste-tests of Marco’s dishes in order to get the ingredients right. Some may see that as cheating, since Marco stated they needed to do it from memory, but Dean is clearly shown re-tasting dishes on-camera so there must not have been any objections.

Lisa is confident, stating that she has done this type of duplicating of dishes many times in the past with no problem. Kelsey obviously hasn’t though, as seen from her repeatedly trying to make the pastry for the fish pie and coming up with something that Marco refers to as road kill. Speaking of which, Marco is shown hovering constantly around Kelsey, commenting on her progress in a manner that Lisa refers to as Marco “breathing down Kelsey’s neck” and making Kelsey nervous. It isn’t only the fish pie that is causing Kelsey problems. The deviled kidneys are bedeviling her as well. As Lisa points out, Kelsey floured her portion of the kidneys nearly an hour before cooking them, causing the flour to turn to glue. Marco sees Kelsey’s failure as an insult rather than a disappointment, and demands that Kelsey cut and flour new segments of kidney to fry even though there is not necessarily enough time for her to cook and prepare them on a plate within the hour’s time-limit. Amazingly, Kelsey manages to get the food to Marco as he taunts the contestants by tapping his spoon on a table while counting down the final seconds.