The Great American Road Trip, Episode 1: Buckle Up

Hello, all! My name is Abra and I will be your Great American Road Trip guide. So pack the snacks, grab the kids, and pile onto the couch RV. We’ll be following seven families as they embark on a summer adventure of a lifetime down historic Route 66. Go on and sing with me! “Holiday road… whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” Well, you get the picture.

Our Great American Road Trip begins with host (and very funny comic) Reno Collier, who introduces beautiful landscapes, spacious skies, and the thrills/mishaps that are sure to come. Reno takes us to Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs, where he introduces the families:

The Pollards – Ron (dad), Amie (mom), Aaron (17), and Anslie (12) from Wicksburg, Alabama. A super-smiley bunch who don’t really consider themselves rednecks, yet they chase chickens and each own a designer shotgun. (Anslie’s is pink!)

The Ricos – Ricardo (dad), Erica (mom), Danielle (13), and Ricky (8) from Katy, Texas. They are a laidback foursome. Erica compares her husband to National Lampoon’s Vacation’s Clark Griswold. I don’t know if that is a bad or good thing.

The diSalvatores – Silvio (dad), Amy (mom), Mason (16), and Blake (13) from Yonkers, New York. Silvio is a stay-at-home dad who has a bizarre fondness for his hair. I don’t know. Amy is the no-nonsense provider of the family who has major control issues. This family is definitely going to be the ones who put the FUN in dysfunctional!

The Favereys – Lenny (dad), Dee (mom), Ashley (10), and Dylan (15) from Long Island, New York. Lenny is a Manhattan doorman and Dee works as a special-ed aide. I predict that Team Faverey will be the most entertaining to watch. Everything is strange and new to them, like never stepping foot into a RV before.

The Montgomerys – Darius (dad), Alecia (mom), Darius Jr (15), and Tyiler (11) from Montclair, California. Let’s just give them the name “Team Powerhouse” right now and be done with it. I mean, Dad is an ex-marine, Mom is a preschool teacher, and both boys are way gifted scholars and athletes. No question, this is the team to beat.

The Cootes – Keith (dad), Jennifer (mom), Jake (9), and Cassidy (12) from Lockport, Illinois. This is your typical family unit: smart mom, sports dad, shy daughter, and sweet, hyperactive son.

The Katzenbergs – Marc (dad), Hyleri (mom), Andrew (14 – Marc’s son), and Sami (15 – Hyleri’s daughter) from Westport, Connecticut. Newly formed Brady Bunch family that screams polo shirts, personal trainers, and private schools.

So the rules of the Great American Road Trip are simple. The seven families begin in Chicago and travel cross-country till they end up in Santa Monica, California. There will be challenges along the way: the King of the Road challenge and the End of the Road challenge. The last family to go home will win $100,000. Reno reminds the families that the Great American Road Trip is not a race, but a journey to enjoy. The money is simply a perk.

Seven big RVs await in the parking lot, specially branded with each family’s name and a not-so-sly product placement. I have to admit, RVs are pretty cool. Who wouldn’t want to take their house on a vacation? A police escort is ready to lead the seven RVs out of town. Keith buckles in, Ricardo settles in, and Lenny can’t believe he’s really here. But over at Team Dysfunctional, Silvio doesn’t know how to start the RV. Amy gets anal, then he gets all smart-mouthed. Yap. Yap. Yap. Something tells me that this happen a lot in the diSalvatore family.

On the way to the first stop in Springfield, IL, the families get a chance to enjoy the highway panoramas. Silvio yaps about being a city boy among all these prairies while I shout out “MEATBALL!” at my TV set. Sheesh! A little RV aggression kicks in among the drivers, and soon Team Katzenberg passes Team Coote, giving them high-maintenance smiles and seven-carat waves. Team Rico pass Team Faverey. Team Coote passes Team Faverey. And then Team Powerhouse passes Team Faverey. Lenny reminds us that he may be the slow one, but at least he’s still doing the speed limit.

They finally reach their first pit stop (whoops, wrong show!) at the Illinois State Fairgrounds. They eat burgers, play football, and bond.

The next morning, we get to watch as Amy from Team Dysfunctional cleans out the black water from the “poop tube” as Silvio simply relaxes nearby. He finds justification by saying while his wife was taking care of #2, he was taking care of #1. Classy guy.

Later in the afternoon, it’s time for the very first challenge at Abraham Lincoln’s home. Suited up in glossy athletic uniforms, the teams met with Reno and this pretty awesome Lincoln look-alike. Reno explains that this is the King of the Road challenge. The winner gets a big reward that is as memorable as it is unusual. The three bottom teams, however, will have to go on to the End of the Road challenge where the losing team will have to go home.