The Great American Road Trip, Episode 2: The Vegas of the Ozarks

Last week on The Great American Road Trip (or GART as I like to call it) seven families embarked on the vacation of a lifetime. Starting at Chicago's legendary Wrigley Field they journeyed west on historic Route 66 to Springfield, IL.

There, they competed in the first King of the Road challenge: a bobble-head presidential race where Team Coote won an impressive dinner on the Mississippi River. The three losing teams had to compete in the End of the Road challenge. But in the end, it was Team Katzenberg who was the first to be sent home.

Our six remaining families are:

• The Ricos: Ricardo (dad), Erica (mom), Danielle (13) , Ricky (8)
• The Favereys: Lenny (dad), Dee (mom), Dylan (15), Ashley (10)
• The diSalvatores: Silvio (dad), Amy (mom), Mason (16), Blake (13) (Team Dysfunctional)
• The Cootes: Keith (dad), Jennifer (mom), Cassidy (12) Jake (9)
• The Pollards: Ron (dad), Amie (mom), Aaron (17), Anslie (12)
• The Montgomerys: Darius (dad), Alecia (mom), Darius Jr. (15), Tyler (11) (Team Powerhouse)

In St. Louis, Missouri, each family is given a new travel guide. First stop, a little piece of Route 66 history...to eat! They get the chance to try Ted Dewes's famous "concrete" frozen custard treats (Route 66-highway-concrete, get it?). It's famous for being so thick; it sticks to the cup, even when it's turned upside down!

And, of course, all our families try to make the custard fall out. They all are genuinely amazed at its hardened consistency. And even more amazed when Darius Jr. actually makes the custard plop onto the camera taping below. Wow! Melted ice cream! Awesome!

Next stop, the travel guide informs the teams that it is time for some "spelunking" at Missouri's Meramac Caverns. Sounds dangerous, but fun.

It seems that all along their journey across Route 66, our teams will get the opportunity to experience historic venues and landmarks that show how really great this American highway is. This is only episode two and I already want to blow-off my job, rent a RV and travel the country, seeing city by city, landmark by landmark! "Holiday Road, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!"

Anyway, back to the show. On the way to Meramac Caverns, our Family diSalvatore shows us how really dysfunctional they can be. Blake is fast asleep on a couch when big brother Mason creeps up to him and draws kitty-kat whiskers all over his face. Typical sibling prank, right? Sure.

But, in the background, Mama diSalvatore does nothing but laugh it up and take pictures of her graffitied son. If I were a mom, I wouldn't want my child humiliated on national TV like that. And sure enough, when Blake awakes and finds he is been temporarily tattooed, he is super steamed at Mason. Poor Blake, you know he didn't sign up for this. All he probably wanted to do for summer vacation is eat junk food and play video games all day long. Instead, he is forced to spend it in a itty-bitty traveling home with his crazy family.

The teams finally arrive in Stanton, Illinois. For those who aren't familiar with the Meramac Caverns, they are the famous caves where bandits Jesse James and his gang hid out from the law. Our families are met by a mean-looking, gun-toting Jesse James impersonator, who was also the caverns tour guide. Nice touch. Little Ashley Faverey stands in midst of the caverns' centuries-old mineral formations and commented that when she first entered the caves, it smelled like old peoples' houses. Heh. Kids, they say the darndest things.

On the other side of the caverns stands a breathtakingly beautiful lake. Dad Montgomery took this chance to fulfill his sons' dreams by taking them fishing. What a great Pop! And, of course, staying in perfect Roadtrip mode, little Tyler caught his very first fish. And it was a big one too! Right there, at that moment, Tyler Montgomery's summer vacation was made. You could see the proof by the great, big smile on his face. Everything else would just be icing.

The next morning, our GART travelers wake to a rainy day and to Reno Collier banging away very loudly on a banjo. He informs them that the next King of the Road challenge will be all about talent--theirs! Oh goody, a talent show. They will be headed off to Branson, Missouri which is known as the Vegas of the Ozarks. Really? I mean...really?

They can do whatever they want as long as it is entertaining. They will be judged by three of Branson's biggest stars. Our teams do NOT look happy. My guess is that there aren't any natural virtuosos among them. So for this King of the Road challenge, all will be on a even-playing ground.

Team Dysfunctional tries to put together an awful rap. Trust me, it's awful. (Example: Amy, Amy, bobammie, fee, fie, fo famie, hi I'm Amy

Team Powerhouse's boys play the oboe and violin, which they brought. Of course.

Team Pollard already chooses to sing "Old MacDonald," southern-style.

Team Rico plans a Route 66 travelogue. Sounds boring, but Papa Ricardo is a history buff and knows the historic highway's most entertaining factors. And it's a great learning opportunity for his kids!

The RV's arrive at the Branson Theater only to find it huge and overwhelming. Once inside, the families go straight to wardrobe for silly costumes, make-up and props. Most of the older boys aren't too keen on the crazy wigs and outfits forced on them by their nervous parents, but-hey! It's all part of the game, right?

Reno appears out of nowhere to lay down the rules. Then from somewhere within the theater, loud cheering and applause is heard. Reno admits that the theater is now crowded with several hundred of Branson's locals, waiting to be entertained. Now the unhappy and uncomfortable families are even more miserable and freaked-out. There's A LOT of people in the audience. I wonder how the producers found so many locals to participate. Maybe the presence of Branson's three fabulous judges was the big draw: music icon Andy Williams, world-famous comic Yakov Smirnoff, and Branson's own mayor Raeanne Presley.