The Great American Road Trip, Episode 5: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Last Monday, The Great American Road Trip (affectionately known as GART) took our remaining five families to the halfway mark on Route 66. Rather, to the Midpoint Cafe in Adrian, Texas where they indulged in a sloppy, goopy pie-eating contest.

In Albuquerque, New Mexico, they flew high in the sky in amazing hot air balloons. Once all the fun was over, our families had to pile mannequin passengers into a Southwest airplane for the King of the Road challenge. The competition was fierce, the challenge was a doozy. But, once again, Team Cootes came out on top.

The End of the Road challenge had the losing three teams identifying man-made UFOs. While the other two families overcame the odds, Family Faverey could not survive another challenge and they were sent home.

This leaves our four remaining families:

• The diSalvatores: Silvio (dad), Amy (mom), Mason (16), Blake (13) (Team Dysfunctional)
• The Cootes: Keith (dad), Jennifer (mom), Cassidy (12) Jake (9) (Team Rootin' Cootes)
• The Pollards: Ron (dad), Amie (mom), Aaron (17), Anslie (12)
• The Montgomerys: Darius (dad), Alecia (mom), Darius Jr. (15), Tyler (11) (Team Powerhouse)

As morning rises, in the hot, hot Arizona sky, our families are anxious to get on the road again. The Route 66 Travel Guide informs them that today's journey will take them to mysterious and mystical Sedona, Arizona. First stop, a little fun in the sun at the Slide Rock State Park. Oh goody!

Along the way, we get a little perspective from our families. Have you noticed how much the Cootes are in this to win? Seriously! While her hyperactive son Jake sticks his head out the window like a happy-go-lucky puppy, Mom Jennifer tells us calmly that she wants to win it all: the King of the Road challenges and the Great American Grand Prize. Competitve enough for ya?

In the Pollard RV, things are a little more easy-going and relaxed. Dad Ron wants to see the Grand Canyon more than anything else. Sure, he would like to win the money. But checking out the Grand Canyon would be a wonderful extra.

The Montgomerys are busy crediting their achievements to their collective faith. Very nice. Anxious of what's to come, but still focused, Dad Darius believe in his family and what they can do as a unit.

And what about the diSalvatores? Eh. Papa Silvio is just looking forward to getting the Great American Sun Tan.

The families arrive at Slide Rock to find that it's a long-winding creek of fast-flowing water where you slide down, kind of like a fun amusement park pool ride.

Maybe not so much fun for Silvio. He barely puts one foot into the cold water when...wait for it...BAM! SPLASH! He's knocked right on his Italian butterball! Boy, I have waited this whole show for something like this, and, finally, GART delivers! Now, you know Silvio is waaaaay too cool to have anyone see him plop fanny-first into the creek like that, so he does a quick (and not so graceful) flip-over. Anything to keep his precious hair dry.

Now, while all the other families enjoy splashing around in the creek, Mom Coote insists her family stay out of harm's way. Remember, they have a competition to win. Too bad, it looks like a great time!

But all things really fun never seem to last. Our families must pack up their belongings and head for Red Rock for the dreaded and fabulous King of the Road challenge. No one is happy to leave Slide Rock and the families are even more depressed at the thought of a tough challenge. Except for the Rootin' Cootes, who are already dressed in their team jerseys. Have I mentioned that they mean business?

Once at Red Rock, they find Reno next to what looks like a funky rotation wheel and a lone gong. Hmmm. He babbles on about crazy locals and this mystical spinning energy called "the vortex." He encourages them to embrace this energy, but no one is feeling anything but nerves.

Reno explains that the challenge is simple: one family member gets on the wheel while the others spin him/her around in revolutions that are counted until time runs out. The team with most revolutions wins. The prize? An awesome helicopter ride through the Grand Canyon. The three losing teams will have to battle it out in the End of the Road elimination challenge.

Now, I have to say this is GART's lamest challenge to date, so I will not waste your time with all the details. I'll just tell you that Team DysFUNctional muffs the rules… again. Team Powerhouse over-strategizes… again. Team Bubba worries too much… again. Which leaves the more calmer and competitive Team Rootin' Cootes to prevail… again. Wow! That's four King of the Road challenges in a row! There's no stopping this family.

While all the other teams grumble and fuss, the Cootes climb aboard a huge helicopter, off to see the Grand Canyon up close and personal. The rest must stay on the ground to hike around the Canyon's rim.

If you have never been to the Grand Canyon, you should really go. It is a remarkable thing to see. Some people think that the Grand Canyon is just a whole bunch of rocks. But, it's an immense, beautiful sight. A truly gorgeous Natural Wonder of the World.

At one point on the hike, a lone prairie dog runs across Mom Pollard's feet and scares the living bahjeezus out of her! And, in typical redneck form, she and her family get distracted from the looming grandiosity before them only to play and feed the rogue vermin sunflower seeds. I have to admit, I would act the same way. The little bugger is so darn cute!

The day of wandering the breathtaking Grand Canyon is done. The night of rest and relaxation at the nearby RV camp passes and our losing teams begin to get antsy again, knowing that in only a couple of hours one more family will have to go home.

The Route 66 Travel Guide informs us that the Grand Canyon Railway in Williams, Arizona will be the End of the Road destination. The challenge, Reno tells them, is all about talking and listening. No, not a family therapy session. A Great Train Robbery. Actually, it's more like a Great Big American Telephone challenge.