The Great American Road Trip, Episode 6: VEGAS, BABY!

Last Monday on The Great American Road Trip (or GART), the final four families fought to survive wild natural wonders of Arizona. They enjoyed a free-flowing creek at Slide Rock State Park. They went round and round in a mystical vortex for the King of the Road title. And, guess what? THE COOTES WON…AGAIN! Yep. They got to fly through the Grand Canyon in an awesome helicopter while the three other families had to hike it on foot.

At the End of the Road challenge, everybody but the Cootes had to participate in a sort of “telephone” game involving numbers sequences and digital safes. The diSalvatores and the Pollards fought hard to stay in the game, while the Montgomerys could not keep up and were sent home.

So our remaining three families are:

• The diSalvatores (Team DysFUNctional): Silvio (dad), Amy (mom), Mason (16), Blake (13) (Team Dysfunctional)
• The Cootes (Team Rootin‘ Cootes): Keith (dad), Jennifer (mom), Cassidy (12) Jake (9) (Team Rootin' Cootes)
• The Pollards (Team Bubba): Ron (dad), Amie (mom), Aaron (17), Anslie (12)

Today our families continue their RV tour through the Great American Southwest. GART host Reno Collier promises they will get a true taste of Route 66 flavor in Seligman, Arizona at the Roadkill Cafe. Oh no! The "flavor" we find is a mish-mash of "swirl of squirrel" and "highway hash." My tummy is getting all queasy just thinking about it.

As Papa diSalvatore pulls up to the cafe, he makes a sharp right that sends pretty much all of the loose kitchen wares flying. Mama Amy almost has a cow over the spill which eventually results in her jumping ship (or, rather, RV) just to get a little peace and quiet from her family. Her sour mood could be blamed on being the only female in a loud, crazy family of Italian men. But, I think she's up to her eyeballs in stress and cabin fever. Traveling down a highway from Chicago to Arizona in an RV will eventually fray anyone's nerves. Especially when Papa Silvio is at the helm!

Fortunately, Mom Pollard easily offers her RV as a sort of all-female safe haven for the strung-out Mama diSalvatore, leaving the boys/men to forge ahead in their own "BroBus" (which is a Silvio designated nickname, of course).

They all have a pretty disgusting lunch at the Roadkill Cafe. I am sure that it is a lot better than it sounds. For example, The Pollards happily order creamed quail on toast (a chicken sandwich with mayo, perhaps) and an awesome blossom possum (that has to be a big hamburger with onions). But you never know with Rednecks... roadkill is just a way of life in the South.

Meanwhile, the Cootes keep to themselves as the Family diSalvatore bicker and bitch. Mom Jennifer reminds us that the more dissension among the ranks, the more of a chance that they will triumph in the end. Geez, this woman is truly determined to win. She can't bring herself really enjoy the GART adventure as much as the other two families. It's all win-win-win with the Cootes. In every reality show, there is that one person/family who doesn't care about making friends or having fun. He/she has their eyes on the big prize and that's it. I just feel sorry for the Coote kids. They feel so much pressure from their parents to win everything that they don't really get a chance to have enjoy in what could be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

After the funky lunch (and a Coote gas station crash...don't worry, the RV survived), the Pollard and the diSalvatore women yuck it up as they drive down Route 66. Mom Pollard vows to kick some "Cootie-Bootie" in the next King of the Road challenge. But that's gonna be tough since the Cootes really, REALLY want that fifth challenge crown.

Our families must first cross another state line into Nevada to the next stop: the spectacular Hoover Dam. Of course, they arrive to find Reno waiting for them on the observation deck. He tells them that the challenge for today is simple: put together a hydroelectric plant. It sounds hard, but it is pretty easy once Reno explains the task.

From one standing faucet, our Family Teams must hook up different sized pipes together through free-standing pillars. Eventually, the pipes will lead to a turbine where the water flow will create power to pop up an Uncle Sam puppet balloon. The best time will win the challenge.

Team Bubba is up first. They have a hard time at first getting the hang of putting the pipes together, but after a few careful maneuvers they power the turbine correctly and pop the puppet. Their time is 23 minutes and 33 seconds.

Next, Team DysFUNctional. Mama Amy tells us she just wants to boot the Cootes from their King of the Road pedestal. But she will be happy if her family can finish under an hour. Heh. I have to admit this family has grown on me over the past weeks. They may be dysfunctional, but they are great reality show entertainment. I hope they can score one challenge win before the show comes to an end. I would love to see the look on the diSalvatore boys' faces if they won. The happiness and shock would just complete my GART experience.

But, alas, the future does not look bright for our Team DysFUNctional. Mama Amy starts at the end, her boys are at the beginning and Papa Silvio just strategizes to find a place where his hair wouldn't get wet. Somehow they find a way to get the task done by holding pieces of pipes together to funnel the water through. Their final time is a whopping six hours and 40 minutes. No, just kidding. It's actually 27 minutes and 34 seconds.

This means Team Bubba is safe, but the Big Bad Rootin' Booty Cootes are ready to knock out all the competition in their path. The challenge is not as easy as it seems. They fumble with the pipes here and there. Dad Keith gets all flustered with rogue water spounts. He even lets out a expletive in frustration. Don't worry, they were bleeped. This is the Great American Family Show, after all.