America's Got Talent 4, August 12: Trick or Treat

Ladies, gentlemen, and diva leaguers! Welcome to the results show for the second live performance week of America's Got Talent!

Before this hour-long waste of time, NBC replayed an abridged version of Wednesday's episode. There were no pre-performance videos, just performances and judging. It was five times better this way, and made even these twelve underwhelming performances seem much more entertaining.

Here's an even quicker recap: The Fab Five continued this show's tradition of good clogging troupes; Charles DeWayne crooned sufficiently; Carol Loo should have danced with Disco Stu; Tony Hoard had issues throwing the discs for Rory to catch; Eleisha Miller showed more energy than singing ability; Paradizo Dance showed that even a big guy can move like a little girl; The Texas Tenors were proud to be Americans; SQ Entertainment danced unmemorably; Pete Peterkin went from Obama to Jamie Foxx to Ray Charles to whatever; Alizma sang more than they played violin, and stank more than they sang; The Beale Street Flippers flipped out; and The Voices of Glory finished the night on a shaky high note.

I'm going to bypass all of the pointless banter between Nick Cannon and the judges and go right to the first judgment. Finding out who's moving on first are The Fab Five and The Beale Street Flippers. Given their placement in the show, it could go either way, but I'm betting on The Fab Five. The semifinalist group is... The Fab Five! After watching them again, I have to say they were better than I gave them credit for, so this was a good choice.

The results take a break for a performance of "I'm in LA Trick" by electro-hop band LMFAO. I must be getting too old to enjoy music like this. After all, I am 26.

After another pointless product-placed popcorn piece, it's time for the next set of results. Nick asks The Voices of Glory, Eleisha Miller, and Carol Loo to step forward. This is beyond obvious, so let's just cut to the chase... The Voices of Glory are moving forward. Carol and Eleisha are certainly fun and admirable, but they just aren't talented enough. Eleisha has made friends with the Voices, and says if she can't have friends on the show, she can't watch. Good advice!

Next on the hot seat are The Texas Tenors and Pete Peterkin. Since patriotism trumps bad harmonies, the next semifinalist is... The Texas Tenors! At least I can root for the Iowan in the trio.

Now, for a guest performance I can actually get into, because I LOVE these guys. It's Penn & Teller with a new twist on sawing a girl in half. With the help of fire eater Georgie, Penn & Teller saw her into half. Of course, it's Penn & Teller, so they explain the trick... before gruesomely sawing her in half for "real." Despite all of the gore, Georgie is, of course, okay. I love these guys. If only America's Got Talent could focus on finding a show of Penn & Teller's caliber.

The next group includes SQ Entertainment and Alizma, so the third member should be the semifinalist. That third member is Paradizo Dance, and I bet they do move on. There is a slight chance for SQ Entertainment moving on instead... and they still might, since Alizma is sent home first. Good riddance. The fourth semifinalist, and the fourth group of the night to move on (odd for a solo-biased show like this) is... Paradizo Dance! Nick gives his props to "Status Quo." So they were on America's Best Dance Crew? No wonder I didn't care for them -- Status Quo should not have been in the final two over Kaba Modern.

That leaves just Charles DeWayne (must be bad luck to go second this year) and Tony Hoard & Rory for the final spot. I don't really care which of these two move on, but based on their performances, I'd prefer the singer. Yes, you read that right. The judges have to make the choice. Sharon is asked first, but she needs more time. David makes the first vote, and doesn't know it either act can compete with the other similar acts. In the end, he votes for Tony & Rory. Piers believes if Charles is eliminated, it will be the biggest scandal ever on this show. Sharon likes Charles' voice, and thinks Tony & Rory are unique. Only on this show, Sharon. Sharon ticks Piers off and votes for Tony & Rory. Eh.

That ends this week of monotony. Tune in next week for twelve more potential letdowns. See ya then!

Tyler can be reached at tejayes@yahoo.com. What do you like? What do you hate? I mean, besides getting cut in half.

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