America's Got Talent 4, August 26: You Lie

Ladies, gentlemen, and light bulbs! Welcome to the final quarterfinal results show of America's Got Talent!

If you haven't watched Tuesday night's two-hour episode, the abridged version immediately preceding this episode, or my full recap of the action, here's an abridged version of my recap: Ishaara was good with Bollywood; Barbara Padilla sounded much better on review; Pam Martin introduced a new dog with old tricks; African High Flyers flew high enough; Mia Boostrom did well with her much-publicized second chance; Erik & Rickie performed a G-rated paso doble; Coney Island Chris annoyed the crap out of me; Matt & Anthony combined great tap dancing with grating vocals; The Lollipop Girls removed their clothing, and the judges actually liked it; Drew Stevyns destroyed a Fray song, and the judges actually liked it; Recycled Percussion impressed me, and the judges actually liked it; and The EriAm Sisters traded vocal ability for dance moves, to mixed results.

I learned that the results can be somewhat predicted by watching the show's own recap and see whether an act's positive or negative comments are focused on. The biggest surprise of the recap is how only Piers' criticism is shown for Mia Boostrom. Hmm.

Piers, on further review, was shocked that Pam Martin's Top Dogs didn't get buzzed. Sharon predicts more surprises like Jeffrey over Bri. David says the talent is "hoff the charts" and deserves a "standing hoff-ation." Please stop, David.

First to find out who's moving on are The EriAm Sisters and Drew Stevyns. Bye-bye, Drew... wait, what?! Drew is IN?! The EriAm Sisters are out? Seriously?! After one of the sisters wishes the rest of the contestants luck... Nick reveals that they're in as well. Aw, that was a stupid way to do that. Well, I'm okay with them, but seriously, America? How did Drew make it? Was there a stipulation that one wildcard had to advance or something?

I'll let my disbelief settle down as America's Got Talent shows a pointless behind-the-scenes piece with the week's act getting ready for their performances. Why do they get it and the other three groups don't? Were they just aching for time because they only have one guest performer? This is why a one-hour results show is just a waste of time. We do see Mia crying backstage after Piers' criticism, so maybe there's hope for her yet.

The next group up is African High Flyers, Pam Martin's Top Dogs, and Coney Island Chris. I bet all three are gone, which wouldn't bother me in the slightest. As it turns out, I'm right. Coney Island Chris cries out of his glasses, which is kind of funny. I'd like a pair of those.

One more pointless popcorn piece later, and it's time for Recycled Percussion, Matt & Anthony, and Ishaara. If only one is in, I'll be bummed since either Recycled Percussion or Ishaara is out. Nick confirms only one is in, and the first to go home is... Matt & Anthony. No shock. I thought their act could have been great, but it wasn't. Will Ishaara going first work against them? ...Unfortunately, yes. Seriously, America? Drew Stevyns over Ishaara? Geez. In any case, GO RECYCLED PERCUSSION!

With just four acts left and only The Lollipop Girls on my "please don't make it" list, let's remind the strippers claiming to be dancers what talent really is. Take it away, Reba McEntire! The country music and sitcom star (can you believe how long Reba lasted?) performs "Consider Me Gone," and she reminds me why I used to like country music. Her vocal style is utterly inimitable, and at 54 years young looks just as amazing as ever. Yes, she could move around a bit more, but when you're as famous as Reba, you don't need to do much more than stand there and sing like a superstar. Nick tells us her new album just went #1, so congratulations, you hot redhead!

Next up are... everyone left. This is interesting. The Lollipop Girls, Mia Boostrom, Barbara Padilla, and Erik & Rickie all got good reviews Tuesday night (except for Mia's criticism by Piers). However, one of them has to go home now. That act is... The Lollipop Girls. Thank. You. America. One other act is going straight through to the semifinals, and that act is... Barbara Padilla! The curse of second is broken!

That means Erik & Rickie and Mia Boostrom must face the judges. I preferred Erik & Rickie over Mia on Tuesday, but they have a better future than what they offer in the present. Either way, I'll just be complaining about Drew Stevyns making it over Ishaara. And whoever gets cut here. And Matt & Anthony. And Pam Martin. And African High Flyers. But I digress.

The decision starts with David, and he thinks both are worthy of going through. He thinks Erik & Rickie are great, but young, while Mia was good and persistent, but there are better singers. Thus, he votes for Erik & Rickie. Sharon is reminded of a salt & pepper shaker when watching Erik & Rickie (okay), but she has to put Mia through. Piers wasn't very impressed with Mia the night before, but he liked her more on the replay. In the end, however, he votes for Erik & Rickie. Sorry, Mia. Blame Drew.

In the end, four of my top five advanced, so I'm not too disappointed. Maybe Drew Stevyns will win me over next time. Or maybe he'll continue to baffle me like Jason Pritchett.

Next week, the semifinals begin with the successful acts from the first two rounds. That means we'll see basketball performers Acrodunk, dancer/sometimes pianist Arcadian Broad, Drew Thomas Magic, cloggers Fab Five, comic Grandma Lee, country musician Kevin Skinner, acrobatic newlyweds Paradizo Dance, vocal trio #1 The Voices of Glory, vocal trio #2 The Texas Tenors, and Piers' new enemies Tony Hoard & Rory. See ya then!

Tyler can be reached at tejayes@yahoo.com. What do you like? What do you hate? I mean, besides Drew Stevyns.

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