America's Got Talent 4, September 1: Ring of Fire

Ladies, gentlemen, and light bulb eaters! Welcome to the first half of the semifinals on America's Got Talent!

This week, only the top three will automatically advance to the finals, with the judges choosing one more finalist. The same will happen next week, and the top eight will perform for the title. Sigh. I guess I'll never get my final two with each finalist getting an hour-long show. That would be a great way to tell if an act can sustain a full show, like Piers Morgan wants. Sharon Osbourne wants more personality and David Hasselhoff wants to annoy me more with these stupid "Hoff" puns. Double sigh.

Anyway, let's get this show started with the first semifinalist, right after a pointless montage of rehearsal and praise for the judges and other acts. Geez, you think they could use this time to allow for longer performances, so we know if an act is truly sustainable or not. Also, how can we give a show to an act after four performances, including the audition, that combined total about six or seven minutes per act? It just isn't enough to tell who's worthy of $50+ tickets, if anyone.

Okay, rant over. We're 15 minutes into the show, and it's finally time for semifinalist #1, Acrodunk. Not really a dance group, but still a painfully obvious continuation of the trend. A singing act will follow them, I bet. Anyway, we learn that the Acrodunk founder is 45 years old. Wow. Another member got a reunion with his father last time, which was a big moment to be sure. This performance will involve jumping through fire. Can they do it without being burned?

Acrodunk performs to a fast remix of "Let It Rock." The choreography is just amazing, considering the delicate timing required to do these dunks. The intermittent dancing could be a little better, but it's good for filler. The camerawork is not helping, but that's not Acrodunk's fault. The fiery finish is well worth any filler. I wish there will be more Acrodunk in the finals, but will America reward a non-singing act going first?

Piers can't believe what he just watched. It was dynamic and thrilling to Mr. Morgan. Sharon says they put the Globetrotters to shame with their timing. David says they got a bit shaky in parts, but they had an amazing finish.

I was right, a singing act is next, thanks to The Texas Tenors. They felt so incredible after their last performance, thanks to the judges' overrating. They want to make the most of this opportunity with their unique mixture of styles. David suggested a ballad to really swoon the ladies, and the Tenors have taken him up on it, so we'll see what they can do with it.

The Texas Tenors sing "Unchained Melody," Simon Cowell's favorite song. The blond member, Marcus, starts with a solo, and he's actually really good. The operatic guy, John from Iowa, sings next, and he's... not good at all. Yes, I don't like my fellow Iowan. When they all come together, though, the operatic guy drowns out the other two and makes the harmonies horrendous. The ending is okay, I will admit that. However, the middle of the song was just atrocious. I want to like the idea of combining country and classical, but I'm just not hearing enough country or, well, good singing.

Commence overrating. Sharon is all aflutter, especially with Marcus and his electric eye contact. David sees a billboard in Vegas with three cowboys, and declares The Texas Tenors the frontrunners. Piers says they delivered a cheesy performance again, but it was brilliant. We were watching the same performance, weren't we?

Can the judges and I agree on Paradizo Dance? Last time, Dave was worried about the big lift by the ankles, but he and Zoe pulled it off. Dave, a considerably pudgy guy, has been working out more. His students have also sent a good luck video card. Five hours before the live show, Dave burned his hand, and that could spell trouble for the performance.

Paradizo Dance performs to "I'm a Believer." They definitely play up the "married couple" aspect of their act, along with the "fat guy, hot wife" trope associated with a lot of sitcoms. I like the shift into a more comedic performance. Dave's burned hand is definitely causing problems, but he's pulling through it. In the end, I don't think the strength of the acrobatics in this performance will move Paradizo Dance forward, but I wouldn't mind.

Sharon asks about Dave's hand. She thought the theme was cute, but she prefers the romantic over the light-hearted. David agrees about the romantic performances, and he hopes they come back. Piers says it's hard to follow Acrodunk and The Texas Tenors. He also misses Zoe lifting Dave, which was the best part of the act before.

Next up is Drew Thomas Magic. His past two tricks were quite nice at first, but became incredibly easy to figure out upon review. Summer is special to Drew because he can spend time with his daughter Olivia, who lives in Ohio with her mother. Drew's ultimate dream is to perform in Vegas, and his daughter is always amazed, even though she knows the tricks.

Drew uses the daughter story in his performance to "Far Away." Ugh, I'm not a Nickelback fan. It starts with Drew's three assistants popping out of various places in a very obvious manner, getting a buzz from Piers. Seriously, it isn't a great trick. The assistants go behind a screen to work on something, and Drew pulls off the screen to reveal his daughter with three eerily familiar dolls in her hand. It's a good idea to use emotion in a magic act, but the tricks simply weren't good enough.